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Driving

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Grrr I didn't want this aggro before Christmas. You may remember me asking about driving lessons for the past two years lol but I have never had the confidence. I have low self esteem depression and a… Read More
louisebarker Avatar
6m, 3w agoPosted 6 months, 3 weeks ago
Grrr I didn't want this aggro before Christmas. You may remember me asking about driving lessons for the past two years lol but I have never had the confidence. I have low self esteem depression and anxiety but to cut a long story short I decided I can't say 'I can't do' if I don't try so in August I started. I took to it better than I thought and look forward to my lessons, how ever a Friend seems to be think I am being taken for a ride I have had about 25 lessons yet I was taken to only one place for the first half then only a second place for the last half. I am loosing my confidence as I can not understand why I keep going round and round circles I can hardly learn more by covering the same ground constantly. He barely talks about driving he just chats about Christmas, household/Family things blah blah blah which I just took as normal but like I said my Friend is baffled by this as surely if I was doing anything wrong he would tell me A month ago he said well done you are ready for next stages-to go into town but he has still booked me in for five more lessons for one hour only covering the same route. I best stop blabbing on but just wondering what other People think or am I just failure that can never drive? xx
louisebarker Avatar
6m, 3w agoPosted 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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#1
I would try and ask as many questions as possible about driving to keep him on point! Alot of instructors are really nice but ofcourse you will get the odd few who want to make the extra buck. Do your research online, watch some youtube videos, and ask about doing some 3 point turns, turning round corners, parallel parking, bay parking etc. I found that with driving, once you found the biting point of a car its plain sailing as long as you know all the basic theory!
#2
I had a similar situation. I started my lessons - and had a lot of lessons with one guy. He used to take me around the same old areas doing the same old thing with give way signs etc, and I'd leave some lessons feeling really demoralised about it all. Its worth pointing out a friend had recommended him.

I asked around friends to see if there were any other recommendations and I switched. The second one was MUCH better and I swiftly took the knowledge I already had and went on to pass my test not long after and passed it first time, too.

You could maybe try another instructor for one lesson and see how it goes?
#3
unreality
I had a similar situation. I started my lessons - and had a lot of lessons with one guy. He used to take me around the same old areas doing the same old thing with give way signs etc, and I'd leave some lessons feeling really demoralised about it all. Its worth pointing out a friend had recommended him.
I asked around friends to see if there were any other recommendations and I switched. The second one was MUCH better and I swiftly took the knowledge I already had and went on to pass my test not long after and passed it first time, too.
You could maybe try another instructor for one lesson and see how it goes?
I am strongly thinking about this, especially after Christmas. Maybe ask another to assess me? I know I think badly of myself but surely if I was in the wrong he would be telling me off or needing to use his controls etc x
#4
louisebarker
unreality
I had a similar situation. I started my lessons - and had a lot of lessons with one guy. He used to take me around the same old areas doing the same old thing with give way signs etc, and I'd leave some lessons feeling really demoralised about it all. Its worth pointing out a friend had recommended him.
I asked around friends to see if there were any other recommendations and I switched. The second one was MUCH better and I swiftly took the knowledge I already had and went on to pass my test not long after and passed it first time, too.
You could maybe try another instructor for one lesson and see how it goes?
I am strongly thinking about this, especially after Christmas. Maybe ask another to assess me? I know I think badly of myself but surely if I was in the wrong he would be telling me off or needing to use his controls etc x

Hi,

If he isnt saying anything during your lessons or using his controls then you are probably a decent driver and at 25 lessons, I can certainly agree that you may be taken for a ride if you are not learning anything new.

If you have the confidence, try asking him if you can do something different or drive somewhere else each lesson as you feel its getting too repetitive. See what he says.

Otherwise you could just tell him you would like to postpone lessons for a while due to conserving money and you will be in touch when you want to start back up. See if you can get an instructor recommendation from a friend and take a lesson. It's much easier to complain about someone elses teaching ability to another teacher as subtle way to say what you felt was lacking in your lessons currently and they will know what you are looking for in your lessons.
#5
If you you've got anxiety issues then he is probably keeping you talking so your not worrying.

My driving instructor did similar she'd basically just tell me go x place, chatting while I drove and only really focused on driving during the manoeuvres, if I messed up or I asked a question.
Worked like a charm for me as I don't think I had more then a dozen (2h) lessons and passed first time.

One of her favourite phrases was "you know what your doing, don't think about it, just do it".
Made solo driving after I passed an easy transition and helped with the test as it was very much in the same style as the test itself.


As for the routes after the first few lessons once you have the basics you should be doing test routes or at least sections of.
I wouldnt recommend 1h slots as you get less driving time and they cost more then 2h lessons (per hour).

Raise the point of test routes with the instructor if he doesn't chance where your going then change instructors.
#6
I failed 10 times but finally nailed it ;)
#7
I would switch to another instructor
#8
The main thing is how do you feel ? If you feel you are ready to crank it up a notch then it is time to do just that . It takes different people different lengths of time to get to that next stage and there is nothing wrong with taking your time . If you think it is time to step it up a notch then tell him or change instructors. One thing I would say is that driving in heavy traffic can be quite daunting and can take a bit of getting used to . If you find it overwhelming the first time you do it , don't give up . You get used to it eventually
#9
After 25 lessons you should know how to drive. Tell him you would like to take the test and ask him how many more lessons he thinks you need. He should be teaching you to pass not how to drive the same route. Do the test don't worry if you don't pass first time, at least you will know where you have goon wrong.
#10
Hi, first of all WELL DONE YOU! for having the guts to learn to drive with your health problems.... Trust me, I Know how you feel!. I think we are all guilty of being too hard on ourselves and we deserve a pat on the back sometimes rather than a smack in the face we all find much easier to do to ourselves. DON'T GIVE UP is what I would say. If you feel happy with this instructor them calmly explain to him your concerns and if his response doesn't resolve the situation. then I would look for someone else. He may be trying to help by building your confidence before moving on but there is a point when you have to take action. My Daughter had the same situation, she had lessons with a lovely lady but kept going in the same circular route who just chatted about anything and never did any of the necessary manoeuvres . Eventually she changed to another instructor who couldn't understand this, she had a couple of lessons doing turns in the round and parallel parking etc, he put her in for her test.... passed first time. (if you do swap, explain to the new instructor why you have swapped instructors, this will stop it happening again with the new one). GO YOU!!!! GOOD LUCK!

Edited By: shywallflower on Nov 30, 2016 07:29
#11
Reading your post Louise I couldn't believe it as I felt like I was reading my own story from back in 2008.
Like yourself I suffer with anxiety and have very low esteem. For years I kept telling myself I couldn't do it so put it off for many years.
One day I pushed myself to have lessons. Well the woman instructor used to use some of my hour lesson to go back to her house and pick things up, I had to drive to other pupils houses and pick them up. The week before my driving she said I needed plenty of lessons before the test and I ended up spending £150 in one week (lessons were £15 a time, she told me I needed double lessons every day that week ) unfortunately I failed and when I told the instructor her comment was "that's another fail on my records). She used to make horrible comments about a few of her asian pupils saying that she hated teaching them.
I soon got rid of her (I wish I could of turned back time and got rid of her sooner)
Well I had private lessons with my ex (fiance at the time) after that and a couple of weeks later I put in for my test and passed.

I would try another instructor xx
#12
I used to drive virtually the same routes every week, Most of those were apparently test routes and I suspect alot of it is to familiarize you, it's much easier in theory to drive in areas you know, Driving to new places can be quite scary because you're having to think more. True it's wise to push yourself a little but not too much so it knocks your confidence.

My instructor was fantastic, he focused on the areas that needed focusing on, I didn't need to do much reversing for example as I nailed it within a few lessons, Most of my lessons were for observations, In hindsight I probably had too many lessons and I passed first time. But I couldn't fault my instructor he was honest and told me about my flaws and what needed to be worked on.

Good luck, don't give up.
#13
Well done for trying, I cant get SWMBO behind the wheel.

If your instructor is aware of your issues, they may be waiting for YOU to say you are ready for the next stage, so try saying this to them when you have your next lesson, and do the same every time you think you are ready to move on.

If they dont respond, or make excuses you are not ready, then it is time to look at a different instructor.

The more often you drive, the easier it gets and the faster you learn (to a degree), so if you have friend who can take you out, try to go out every day and practice.
My son wasnt progressing with one lesson per week, so I bought a cheap little car for him and we went out driving every Friday afternoon, and nearly all day every Saturday and Sunday. After two weekends even his instructor could see a huge improvement and after another two weeks, put him in for his test - which he passed.
#14
You're not alone. I'm 34 and can't drive because I've convinced myself that I'll never be able to. I have no confidence and failed my practical twice. I just can't see myself ever having my own car. I think you should try and keep trying (and I probably should, too) and see how far you get.
#15
Wow. Truly grateful for all your comments xxxx On a lunch break flicking through, will read thoroughly tonight. Thanks.
#16
C141RE
Reading your post Louise I couldn't believe it as I felt like I was reading my own story from back in 2008.
Like yourself I suffer with anxiety and have very low esteem. For years I kept telling myself I couldn't do it so put it off for many years.
One day I pushed myself to have lessons. Well the woman instructor used to use some of my hour lesson to go back to her house and pick things up, I had to drive to other pupils houses and pick them up. The week before my driving she said I needed plenty of lessons before the test and I ended up spending £150 in one week (lessons were £15 a time, she told me I needed double lessons every day that week ) unfortunately I failed and when I told the instructor her comment was "that's another fail on my records). She used to make horrible comments about a few of her asian pupils saying that she hated teaching them.
I soon got rid of her (I wish I could of turned back time and got rid of her sooner)
Well I had private lessons with my ex (fiance at the time) after that and a couple of weeks later I put in for my test and passed.

I would try another instructor xx
Oh wow really. I'm not the only one then?! x I know it was a while back but congratulations. I actually love my lessons as I feel grateful I've pushed myself. Just don't want to be going around the same block in five years! Wonder if I could ever do it? x
#17
25 lessons, your instructor should have been doing final prep for your test 5 lessons ago unless you really need more work but if he hasn't said nothing it appears you dont. Don't wait till after Xmas bin him now and tell him why.
banned#18
This happens when you go with cheap instructors. I passed with AA. I paid £125 for five lessons after booking online, and then £90 direct with the driving instructor for a further five.

Passed with two minors.
#19
My son started his driving lessons at the end of July , and has one a week for an hour at a time, so I guess you would both be at about the same level. He has had 17 lessons so far which we pay for in blocks of 10 at £230. His driving instructor has a bit of a different approach in that she spends each lesson concentrating on each aspect ( eg practising parallel parking, 3 point turns , reversing round corners) with some general driving as well always on a different route.The aim was he would be well practised in everything just before Christmas and then depending on how well he drives looking at booking his test sometime after. I'd rather anyone learning to drive gets adequate practise rather than just aiming to pass as quickly as possible, so we're not in a hurry for him to pass, just when he is ready. I'm guessing including a 2 hour lesson prior to his test and his test hour it will be about 30 hours of driving before he takes his test.
If you are doing the same route , i would certainly ask to expand it as it just isn't giving you the experience you will need, but also don't be afraid to change instructors.
Sweetie you are by no means a "failure who will never drive" , just possibly someone who doesn't have the greatest teacher as yet. Let us know when you sit your test xx

Edited By: tinkerbellian on Nov 30, 2016 15:57
#20
tinkerbellian
My son started his driving lessons at the end of July , and has one a week for an hour at a time, so I guess you would both be at about the same level. He has had 17 lessons so far which we pay for in blocks of 10 at £230. His driving instructor has a bit of a different approach in that she spends each lesson concentrating on each aspect ( eg practising parallel parking, 3 point turns , reversing round corners) with some general driving as well always on a different route.The aim was he would be well practised in everything just before Christmas and then depending on how well he drives looking at booking his test sometime after. I'd rather anyone learning to drive gets adequate practise rather than just aiming to pass as quickly as possible, so we're not in a hurry for him to pass, just when he is ready. I'm guessing including a 2 hour lesson prior to his test and his test hour it will be about 30 hours of driving before he takes his test.
If you are doing the same route , i would certainly ask to expand it as it just isn't giving you the experience you will need, but also don't be afraid to change instructors.
Sweetie you are by no means a "failure who will never drive" , just possibly someone who doesn't have the greatest teacher as yet. Let us know when you sit your test xx
Aw thank you xx Good luck for your Son x
#21
Do you have anyone who can take you out for a practice, arnold clark hire out by the hour dual control cars see here works out about 11 quid per hour including insurance and petrol upto 10 miles and 30p per mile afterwards all you need is someone over 23 with 3 years driving to sit with you. Good luck my son is having lessons at the moment its not an easy time

Edited By: ding on Nov 30, 2016 22:28

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