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How does a poorly single Mummy pick herself back up.

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I know this isn't the place but I am so lonely that I thought I would ask advice. I have been a single Mum in a very complicated situation for the past 6 years. I manage to be strong alone most of the… Read More
louisebarker Avatar
3m, 3w agoPosted 3 months, 3 weeks ago
I know this isn't the place but I am so lonely that I thought I would ask advice. I have been a single Mum in a very complicated situation for the past 6 years. I manage to be strong alone most of the tie though. How ever on Tuesday I became very poorly, I haven't moved from my bed. I have been violently sick and have flu like symptoms. Before this I had depression and anxiety, the anxiety is getting worse as there is NOBODY else to lift a finger, and my house is starting to resemble a tip :(. I'm lying in here in shock about how much I've always done for others and where are they now? I know I may be better soon, but have any of you felt, delirious and very depressed whilst been poorly? Any advice xxxx Also I haven't eaten since Wednesday morning, so what should I buy to eat and drink after sickness/diarrhoea? Thanks xxxx Love to any of you that are battling through things x
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louisebarker Avatar
3m, 3w agoPosted 3 months, 3 weeks ago
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(1)
You poor thing. I'm sure people will help if you just ask. Make sure you drink plenty of non fizzy fluids to keep you hydrated. In regards to food, I usually find soup is good to start with after not feeling well and gradually build back up to the foods you start to fancy eating. Please understand this won't last forever and before you know it you will be able to dust yourself off and get back to being the amazing person and mummy I bet you are. Please remember to drink plenty of fluids, be kind to yourself, and ask for help if you are struggling. Sending best wishes for a speedy recovery x

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#1
Sorry to hear this. Do you live alone?
#2
Just think they are people in worse positions in life than yourselves and be thankful where you are with a roof over your head.
Try soup and dry toast not burnt toast apparently causes cancer.
#3
Awww hun. Pop an online grocery order in. (I recommend Morrisons if they deliver to your area- bagged up ready in allocated bags, fridge, cupboard etc so easy to pack away).
Try to stick to plain foods until you are feeling better.
Do you not have a close friend that you could call on to help out or just have a chat with to pick you up a bit?
Sometimes just a friendly chat can make you feel better?
Keep warm and hope you feel better soon.
Big hugs! :)
#4
mutley1
Sorry to hear this. Do you live alone?
My two Children live with me x 11 and 12 x
#5
bmbratz
Just think they are people in worse positions in life than yourselves and be thankful where you are with a roof over your head.
Try soup and dry toast not burnt toast apparently causes cancer.
I appreciate this but it doesn't always boil down to materialistic things. I think I'd be happier living in a beach hut x
#6
louisebarker
mutley1
Sorry to hear this. Do you live alone?
My two Children live with me x 11 and 12 x

So when you say that no one is lifting a finger, do you mean relations and friends that dont live with you?

What about the children? Are they able to help with household chores?
#7
You poor thing. I'm sure people will help if you just ask. Make sure you drink plenty of non fizzy fluids to keep you hydrated. In regards to food, I usually find soup is good to start with after not feeling well and gradually build back up to the foods you start to fancy eating. Please understand this won't last forever and before you know it you will be able to dust yourself off and get back to being the amazing person and mummy I bet you are. Please remember to drink plenty of fluids, be kind to yourself, and ask for help if you are struggling. Sending best wishes for a speedy recovery x
#8
Thinking purely about your health, I'd recommend lots of fluids e.g. water or squash and bland food like digestive biscuits. Take some paracetamol as well and try to relax. You'll definitely feel better after a couple of days but if you don't call 111 or see your GP. Also I'm sure your kids will want to help so just explain to them that you'll be out of action for a couple of days and see whether one of their mates will let them stay over for a night. That will give you a chance to recover.
#9
I'm very concerned about you and your two children....!
Ok, granted you have issues but are the kids okay? Are you looking after them?
#10
Life can get you down you just got to pick yourself back up. It's awful been ill, you need to get yourself something to eat have a nice cup of tea and try get over this sickness bug. Also get the kids to do some tidying up! Don't worry things will get better.
#11
dioralyte,great for hangovers too.
#12
mousey
I'm very concerned about you and your two children....!
Ok, granted you have issues but are the kids okay? Are you looking after them?
Well obviously I am looking after them that's why I am worried about being poorly and lazy!
#13
Soon as your well do some star jumps to bring you up works for me.!
#14
you most probably are not going to believe it but things will get better, just try to take one day at a time and try to look at the positives.
things will get better in time, even if it feels like an uphill struggle.
#15
bmbratz
Just think they are people in worse positions in life than yourselves and be thankful where you are with a roof over your head.
Try soup and dry toast not burnt toast apparently causes cancer.


Wow really caring, talk about callous & blunt.

There are always people worse off than you but it's all relative, there's nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself sometimes & there's nothing wrong with asking for a little help. It's better to do that than risk snapping & breaking down.

Suggest next time don't bother replying
#16
it's kind of normal to feel a bit delirious when you are poorly, it's happened to me a quite a bit. l
I would take the advice already offered above.
a trip to your gp will work wonders, I have m s and everything goes with it, I cope with anti depressants and real (m s) medication
good luck
#17
louisebarker
mousey
I'm very concerned about you and your two children....!
Ok, granted you have issues but are the kids okay? Are you looking after them?
Well obviously I am looking after them that's why I am worried about being poorly and lazy!

Eleven and twelve are old enough to look after themselves, if not start helping you out, so dont worry too much about them while you are poorly. I was looking after everyone in my family by the time i was 13 so a few days of you being laid up aint gonna do the kids any harm :)

Eat soup and toast as i find these really help with flu. Also drink lots of hot drinks. Lemsip also help eas symptoms greatly i find.

But most importantly, chin up, tomorrow is another day :)
#18
Hello there I've been a single mum since December after my fiancee of 13 years had a midlife crisis\breakdown I'm sure he has depression.

I advise getting diaoralite i have probably spelled it wrong you can find it in pharmacist and supermarkets its powder you mix with water to replace lost electrolytes after having a bad case of the poops its great for hang overs too.

I also recommend staying away from milk and cheese, try some porridge made with water, plain rice, plain bread.

And if your in West London we could always meet up for a pint, I've been isolated for years really, feel free to PM.
#19
First things first I'd suggest getting plenty of rest, don't push through & get a good diet & most importantly PACE yourself.

I was very ill with glandular fever, alone had no help the day I got out of hospital I got a letter from my employer saying no sick pay & I rushed back to work. I've never recovered from it & have very complex medical needs now so listen to your body don't fight it.

Make sure you're getting everything you need nutritionally, I'd suggest you maybe vitamin D deficient you could ask your Dr to test for it or just buy some nice high dose pills of several thousand IUs a day for a month or so.

Have a sit down with the kids explain the situation & see about setting up a rota to get housework etc done to help you out.

If your illness goes long term you can get a referral to the young carers support so your kids get additional help to help them cope with looking after you.

I'd suggest you get prescribed something for the depression probably an SSRI many of these will also help with anxiety & panic attacks too.

Foodwise I'd go for some plain chicken & rice to help your stomach out or if you don't fancy cooking & eating get some complan to help fill you up & keep you going.

If you're feeling alone & depressed etc the samaritans are always there & if you don't like talking you can email them & talk that way too.

I really hope you feel better very soon
#20
The kids are old enough to do things. don't feel that you have to cook and wait on them. if you have a microwave then they can look after themselves and do the washing up. they can also bring you things too. a sandwich and soup for a start.

if you are running out of stuff order online and get it delivered. dirolite is ideal for replacing trace elements if you have the runs.

so put your feet up. watch tv and it;s the kids turn for a change.

good luck :)
#21
Thanks Rich44 leave your advice for yourself but you pls do reply when you want to!!
#22
Time for the kids to turn into grownups unfortunately and look after MUM!
They wont like it but a bit of responsibility will make them realise life is a (please put your own word here oO)
Get well soon
#23
What a beautiful bunch you all are. Seems I make myself more ill by trying to be SuperWoman. Also my Family are all married People so really don't 'nderstand' which infuriates me as I do as much if not more than them x
banned#24
If you are my ex then I have no sympathy. ;)
#25
bmbratz
Thanks Rich44 leave your advice for yourself but you pls do reply when you want to!!


Huh? Try again...
#26
Hey sweetie

Try and drink some warm water and little bits of toast slowly does it, 11 & 12 they can help out a wee bit able to run the hoover over do bins etc and even if talked through stick on a wash. Don't stress yourself your ill it happens. In a week or so you will be up and about but it's important to rest just now.
I know the feeling when you run about helping folk then you get left when your the one in need of help.
Get an online shop in and easy food to cook until your feeling better.
Hope your feeling better soon sweetie xxxx
#27
shadey12
you most probably are not going to believe it but things will get better, just try to take one day at a time and try to look at the positives.
things will get better in time, even if it feels like an uphill struggle.


I want to agree with you as it's a nice thought and sentiment... but it's simply not true. Things are most likely to get better. But reality is, things could actually get much worse! I'm not a fan of superstitious, wishful thinking. Especially when it comes to false reassurances to others. You tell her things will get better, then something terrible happens. At that point, your false reassurances don't mean anything. Not meaning to sound harsh. But it's the truth. Life doesn't always just get better.
#28
BagABargain78
rhysccfc31
mousey
I'm very concerned about you and your two children....!
Ok, granted you have issues but are the kids okay? Are you looking after them?


Shut up you prat


Nice. Someone shows some pragmatic concern and you call them names? Grow up. We're not in the school playground anymore.


Asking her if she's looking after her kids properly? Yeah great concern.
#29
rhysccfc31
BagABargain78
rhysccfc31
mousey
I'm very concerned about you and your two children....!
Ok, granted you have issues but are the kids okay? Are you looking after them?


Shut up you prat


Nice. Someone shows some pragmatic concern and you call them names? Grow up. We're not in the school playground anymore.


Asking her if she's looking after her kids properly? Yeah great concern.


Read the first sentence of the post. It clearly states she is concerned about her and the kids. An either way, you really think calling childish names is appropriate? Grow up.
#30
Don't beat yourself up, you are doing just great. Kids are old enough to make themselves a sandwich and the mess will still be there when you are back to being superwoman again. I'm a widowed mum with a special needs kid and my family are five hours drive away. I know what it's like to be isolated and to feel like you are carrying the world on your shoulders. You'll get there. Sending you all my moral support
#31
Apart from one or two comments, you lot can send someone on downward spiral compounding the problem.
"Just think they are people in worse positions in life than yourselves" Really?

Just think they are people in life who do not deserve the goodness and riches of life, but through accident of birth are in a better position, so please move along with the sanctimonious rubbish.

"Try soup and dry toast not burnt toast apparently causes cancer" Enough said.

"I'm very concerned about you and your two children....!Ok, granted you have issues but are the kids okay? Are you looking after them?"

Here l am with the world on my shoulder, my two beautiful children with me, as a mother my sense of protectiveness is at a low and behold, l needed to be chided by someone that l`m neglecting my responsibilties!
"Time for the kids to turn into grownups unfortunately and look after MUM!"

Of course, we all grown up at 11 and 12, barring the kids from third world that have to grow up fast, entering adulthood due to poverty, who in their right mind yearns that for their offspring?

The wish of every parent is for their children to have what they never have, to be better than the parents in life endeavours, to tell the whole" That`s my boy/girl and l`m so proud" Not to burden them, make them feel they are part or the problem the parent is going through.

"If you are my ex then I have no sympathy"

It`s Friday/Saturday, reasoning goes out of the window helped by whatever helps you sleep at night.At one point, this partner has been the focal of your life, it might not be love throughout the span of the relationship, but at that time you felt safe with her/him, so irrespective of how it ended, no matter how much you want to erase it and wish fire and brimstone on them, that safeness now gone will always reside in you.

Being single is no joy at any point in our life, right from when we start to make friends, being part of a social group enhances our well being as humans, as we grow older, we develops sense of deeper relationship that we hope will be a mutual act. Some only tries once, and found no need to go further exploring, they are the lucky ones.
Some have to try numerous occassion and there it is, we can call them lucky too, majorities of us have to go either first time and we think this is it, or after numerous tries said"This is it" no need to go further explorations, months/years along the line, things start to fall apart and what we thought it was is not, and found ourself single.

The natural reaction is to try and fix it and if we can`t, sadness, blame, retribution all comes to mind, but with time, healer of most things, we accept the situation and what came out of that relationship, that no matter where we are now, the unconditional maternal love towards the children will always be there.
It is no consolation, that feeling of abandonment as you stated over six years lessen with time, l know l stated earlier" Time heals" still does not take it all away.

Your sickness is nothing to apologise for, infact your superhuman effort in keeping it all together is astonishing and the house in a tip?Please! walk over whatever debris on way to the bathroom/kitchen and ONLY when you feel the need to lift a finger, starts.

Depression is a big cloud, cliched as it sounds that only YOU truly understands what/how it feels like.
Individuality is what makes it so complex, hence advocacy of all sort makes no sense, Control? how can you control what you cannot pinpoint, manage? yes to some degree, giving allowance for the complexity of it.

Anxiety in it`s cruel form, sometimes disguises itself as depression, it can be good, remember the day after the first date, when they promise to call, waiting anxiously for that phone to ring, well that`s good anxiety even we feel sick in the stomach and of course the bad one, feeling of trepidation, that we can`t put our finger on, once again we can only try and manage it.

Do not despair about your selflessness and others not reciprocating, sounds far fetch, here you are six years afterwards still standing, it`s tough/hard but guess what? Here l am with or without you.

"I know I may be better soon, but have any of you felt, delirious and very depressed whilst been poorly? "
Love that word "l know l may be better soon" you are not under any illusion of your poorly state AT the moment, with no imploring, you stated"I know I may be better soon"
Half full/Half empty?No one can take it from you."I know I (may be) better soon

" I haven't eaten since Wednesday morning, so what should I buy to eat and drink after sickness/diarrhoea?"

Lastly, personally, think food is over rated anyway, BUT we need it to keep the cells going and by gosh l do needs it to keep lung active for the boys, earlier today was talking about what to you eat, when you poorly? was speaking to friend whom girl was sent home from school.
Don`t know if it will work, l grew up with a form of, infact Custard is the equivalent, try a ready made can, and beacause of it`s semi liquid state builds you up for solid food.

l`ve not forgetting that you are struggling to get out of bed, PM if you want, and if you live locally, will see what l can do and if not hopefully arrange something.
Take care for now and the kids.



Edited By: wottodo on Jan 28, 2017 03:46
#32
Hi, hope you've managed a reasonable nights sleep. Considering the time you posted this you've had a good number of replies, huh? There are always people on here ready to offer advice or just a shoulder to lean on for a while.
Firstly make sure you're drinking enough, then try a little soup, dry toast, crackers etc, lay off the dairy products for a while. Keep warm, and don't let the fact the house is getting a mess get you down. It's all fixable, as others have suggested, do your shopping online and, once delivered, get the kids to put away.

This is probably the difficult bit, have you asked for help? If family/friends always see you as a coper, they'll just assume you're ok. Some people offer help automatically, but most don't, but they would willingly help out if you asked. And it is ok to ask, no one can juggle all those balls in the air all the time.

The kids are certainly old enough to help out, give each of the specific things to do, not just a generic "tidy up"
request. Have a "duvet weekend" on the sofa, where you can keep an eye on them but also they can see your their poorly mum, not their usual superwoman. Snuggle down, watch some rubbish tv, keep up with the paracetamol, and cut yourself some slack. Once you're able to get out, do see the doctor about the depression and anxiety, just for now put yourself first and pamper yourself a little.
#33
Hi, I thought I'd just check in with you to see how you feel today? Have you managed to eat/drink anything? As above, take it easy and don't try to do too much too soon. If you're anything like me, you try to cope as much as you can alone without "burdening" anyone, In reality though, people will usually help you if you just ask. Maybe they don't know how you're feelin? Sending best wishes to you x
#34
Can't give any more advice than has already been given but I am thinking about you. Take care.
#35
Hi there.
Right...a sensible answer at last
#36
According to a post two months ago you had a partner and were employed as a dog walker!
#37
adamsxi
According to a post two months ago you had a partner and were employed as a dog walker!

Indeed.

OP should have a chat with princess23. Plenty of common ground to share.
#38
Hi,

First of all well done for coming this far and doing so much. It is not easy being a single parent and I can understand that. Especially when you have no help whatsoever. But chin up and you'll get through this patch.

Eat light food such as toast and soup also keep your fluids up.

Maybe start a routine at home with regards to chores and get the kids involved.

And having off days is not a crime after all we are humans sometimes things can get too much. Try using Netmums to find other mothers/father in the same position and you can possibly do meet ups or organise days out together. Just to get your minds off of things.

I know all to well about doing things for others and then them not returning the gesture but forget it it's not worth stressing about there are a lot of selfish people about something we have to except.

Don't forget to rest and have a break too. And plenty of love and respect to you X
#39
if you want to pm please do there are some good suggestions here. I also have anxiety and depression and know how hard it can be. if your tablets are not working I suggest when you can a trip to the doctor for a reassessment. that doesn't always work but one can try. tc
#40
bmbratz
Just think they are people in worse positions in life than yourselves and be thankful where you are with a roof over your head.
Try soup and dry toast not burnt toast apparently causes cancer.


Or think about all the other people in a much better situation.

This comment is ridiculous

Whoever you are who wrote this post

Things change as they have done, like the seasons some days are sunny and clear and others grey, wet and windy.

If you need support. Reach out as you have done.

Start with one small step

That's how you eat an elephant. One bite at a time.

You are not alone completely. You have the little ones. Priorities your work load. Create more time. Earn more income.

Whatever you do.

Be gentle with yourself now.

Otherwise you will put more strain on yourself

Embrace the mess and start with one thing

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