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quite a personal subject just looking on a little advice

Sarah1992 Avatar
2y, 4m agoPosted 2 years, 4 months ago
Im wondering if anyway one can give me a little advice, my eldest brother who's 30 lives at home with my dad (my parents are divorced) and hes the most laziest selfish person you could ever meet, my dad works his a*** off every day hes 67 and waits on hand and foot for him ie pays his car insurance etc he pays no rent or helps my dad out in anyway, hes taking over the house with pets, video games hes like a child but my dad is to nice to do anything about it but he says its seriously stressing him out he cant watch Tele after work or do as he pleases as my brother takes over everything. What can i say to my dad to make him realise enough is enough.
Sarah1992 Avatar
2y, 4m agoPosted 2 years, 4 months ago
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Responses/page:
#1
I think it's your brother you need to talk to. But be gentle and explain how your dad feels. X
#2
Yeah I agree your brother needs to sort himself out he's taking advantage of your dad.
Get as many family members and try and have a family meeting,
Maybe if he sees him it's affecting everyone he might think twice!
#3
Are you Indian? Not taking p*** but I am married to an Indian lass & got a brother in law who does the same. doesn't want to earn his own living and just expects his parents to carry him.
#4
Arrange a trip out somewhere for your lazy brother or just find a time when he's out of your fathers home and change the locks and dump his stuff outside in plastic bags.

Just be there with as many family members as possible and when he returns he has a choice - buck his ideas up and start being part of the family and earning his keep or leave
#5
Have a word with your brother first, try and make him see how he's acting and how it's affecting your father.. See if his attitude changes then, point out that your father won't always be working and will need the support instead and help paying the bills etc.
Hopefully that will be enough to kick your brother into gear. If not, explain to your dad that you've recently had a talk with your brother and he isn't willing to help more, be more respectful voluntarily even though he's been given the chance and that your father needs to take his house back. If your brother wants to act like a child after having the polite chat, then he needs treating like a child too, not an adult.

I would assume you have already tried talking to your brother about this already though? If not, maybe he just doesn't see what he's doing and how it's affecting your dad.
#6
have an intervention
#7
wish i had parents like that, they kicked me out as soon as they could!
#8
i hate to say it, but there's nothing you personally can do. it's up to your dad to tell your brother he needs to change, and if he's not willing to do that, then nothing will. also, if your brother stays in playing video games all the time, and cant get a job, it may be for other reasons, such as depression, not just out of 'laziness' as you say. if he is depressed, then he wont get any better without treatment from a professional, first step would be to see a doctor who can refer him to a psychiatrist and get him on anti-depressents.
#9
Thankyou all for your advice, my brothers the hardest person to talk to as hes a huge hypocrite, Il have a talk with my dad and see where that leads otherwise Il have to talk to my brother
banned#10
sarah dont give in to this
face your fears, get back up and express your rage
#11
Its you dad that needs to be made see sense.
why would your brother change?he's got everything he wants.
#12
rochey2
have an intervention


Or a rendition,
#13
A lot of what you need to do has been said, the most important thing is that you need to get your father to see that he needs to ween your brother off his dependency. It's fine for people to want to help their kids through life, it's another thing entirely to pay for their way through life (esp with your fathers advancing years). Dad needs to cut out paying for things your brother doesn't need ie stop paying his way and make your brother realise the value money and earning it.

Things like kicking off the internet at a set time each night and enforcing some rules for your brother to earn rewards are necessary. As it stands your dad is just acting as an enabler to your brother, allowing him to be lazy because he can be. Some house rules are needed, so it sounds like you need to chat with your father about what he's happy to do for your brother and what he wants to change. Then set out some house rules that would be agreeable to your father that your brother needs to live by eg, no more new pets without approval, he needs to be actively searching for work and be able to demonstrate to your dad that he has been, housework being done if your dad's at work all day and brother is at home, there is no reason why he can't do the pots, clothes washing, hoovering etc on a regular basis for 20minutes each day. Work out what you consider reasonable (ie what would be expected of a housewife/husband) and work from that.

After this it's a case that you need to get yourself and anyone else relevant to have a meeting to confront your brother about what is happening. Just remember that arguing never gets people anywhere, if he wont listen or agree to change, be firm and clear that he has one of two choices, move out and lose all his perks of living at home rent free or agree to be a productive member of the household.

It's also been said about about depression and being out of work can be very difficult. I've known a lot of people going out of work and my other half was out of work for a considerable amount of time so I know how hard it can be not having a job and finding the enthusiasm to look when 100 applications might get 1 interview and 1 reply out of the lot. However, at the end of the day if your brother is retreating to gaming and laziness as an outlet for his unhappiness for being out of work then he will needs professional help through his GP but the point remains that he needs structure to get himself out of that hole and back on track with his life.

If all else fails being kicked out of the house or the threat of this may be necessary to push some change. If an outcome for failure is suggested you need to be prepared to carry it out no matter how hard it might be.

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