losing a relative...but its complicated

jennie-jack

sorry to hear this hun big hugs,

magicbeans

thanks jen.... speaking to hubby..its jus weird and feel awful for dad....think its shick after coming back from hosp and seeing him on machines ..and basically shuting down in front of me.

raptorcigs

i do it's hard thers allsorts going through your mind all the "what if's" and the "you dont understands" you will need time to accept this loss and try to get your mind round it all i can say is its hard at first but it will get easier and you may understand why eventualy but it will always confuse you as it does with most "me included" life is a strange thing to behold and hurts like hell when lost my heart is with you and ill prey

Leer

aw hun, hope ur ok, we all here to support u in any way poss!if u ever wanna chat, find me on here, facebook or msn.love and hugs!xxx

Susannah

Wish I could think of something to say that might help. The only thing that comes to mind was my experience when my father died. I'd never loved him (he was a very difficult man) and up till that point (when he was critically ill) I'd not wanted to see him. When someone is close to dying it sort of makes us evaluate what has gone on and that does feel very confusing and upsetting. All I can say is that it will get better and easier although I know that doesn't really help. I'll be thinking of you.

ding

my wife lost her great gran some time ago when she was in the final stages she was muttering things under her breath before she passed away , the chaplin said that she was tying up lose ends and making her peace before she went i am not a religeous person but for that generation it made sence i think they will both regret not trying to make peace with each other before he passes away. hope this helps, x x

octobergirl · *Last edited by octobergirl : 08-05-2008 at 22:40.*

its nice to be able to get it off your chest and there are some really nice people on here who may be going through or have gone through a similar experience I hope you find peace. But I will say I think you dad should go see him even if its just to make him feel better and I am sure in time to come he will feel better because he did not, never mind about everyone else, even if you dad does not go, you go

juicyx

we have lot of this stuff going on in my family. my Mum died at 39 and my Mum and dad and me and sis and brother never spoke to her side of the family . but when she died we had to speak to them. then soon fell out again.

Sheriff Waffles

Hello Magicbeans, sorry to hear about your Grandad.
I can understand this to some degree.
Some people are lucky to have a close extended family and others not.
My extended family fall into the latter, I rarely ever see my aunties uncles etc ... there has been alot of fall outs, backstabbing etc etc, my mum had a sort off on/off relationship with her mother - not by choice, but i guess my mum always felt like the younger siblings were loved more by her mum than her.
My mum always wanted a happy realtionship with her mum but it didn't always happen.
Anyways, my gran was on her last days a few years back and it was my gran's wish that all her children should be around her near the end, and they were.
I hope your grandad will change his mind, it would be such a shame for your dad if he didn't. This might be his last chance to make amends and say goodbye.

caz1cool

I have been through a similar experience, and it is a really wierd feeling, because it's hard to know what exactly you are feeling. My husband bless him didn't know what to say so he didn't say much at all.
All I can suggest is that you just do whatever you feel is right for you.
Take care hun and if you need to chat just pm me.

dlm

It is awful when there are family tensions, when my grandad passed away 18 months ago his two daughters (my mum and auntie) and my uncle hadn't spoken to him for a long time.

My uncle hadn't spoken to him for 25 year's and my auntie probably hadn't also.

My mum hadn't spoken to him for about 15 year's, he was a bad father in lot's of ways.

It was very difficult though because all of these family members hadn't spoken to their mum (my gran) and each other for a long time too.

It was difficult letting people know he was dying and asking them to support gran.

My mum and auntie still haven't spoken to gran but my uncle has been amazing and visits her twice a week.

I go when I can because she lives 28 miles away from me.

sassie

nothing to say really ( very unlike me) except you all have to do what is right for each and every one of you, this is one those times you cant put anything right later down the line xxx

magicbeans

raptorcigs:
i do it's hard thers allsorts going through your mind all the "what if's" and the "you dont understands" you will need time to accept this loss and try to get your mind round it all i can say is its hard at first but it will get easier and you may understand why eventualy but it will always confuse you as it does with most "me included" life is a strange thing to behold and hurts like hell when lost my heart is with you and ill prey

i am very confused....

ur right..it hurts as well.... realy weird.

Leer:
aw hun, hope ur ok, we all here to support u in any way poss!if u ever wanna chat, find me on here, facebook or msn.love and hugs!xxx

thanks hun x

Susannah:
Wish I could think of something to say that might help. The only thing that comes to mind was my experience when my father died. I'd never loved him (he was a very difficult man) and up till that point (when he was critically ill) I'd not wanted to see him. When someone is close to dying it sort of makes us evaluate what has gone on and that does feel very confusing and upsetting. All I can say is that it will get better and easier although I know that doesn't really help. I'll be thinking of you.

i was hoping the fact he was dying grandad wud wana resolve things...but he is so anti my dad that he doesn want him to visit him. dad dd come and see him from afar but grandad was getting worked up when i mentioned dad.... !

ding:
my wife lost her great gran some time ago when she was in the final stages she was muttering things under her breath before she passed away , the chaplin said that she was tying up lose ends and making her peace before she went i am not a religeous person but for that generation it made sence i think they will both regret not trying to make peace with each other before he passes away. hope this helps, x x

hoping that things do work out.... u never know i guess... just awful though

octobergirl:
its nice to be able to get it off your chest and there are some really nice people on here who may be going through or have gone through a similar experience I hope you find peace. But I will say I think you dad should go see him even if its just to make him feel better and I am sure in time to come he will feel better because he did not, never mind about everyone else, even if you dad does not go, you go.

i have been.... kinda hits home when u see someone like that...

do agree that ppl on here are nice.

thanks for all ur kind words

magicbeans

o gosh there is a lot of support here hey..glad im not theonly one who has been in this situation thanks everyone.... juicy, dlm,caz,sasie, sherif.

be good if they COULD make amends but even when dad went the rest of fam were there and my grandma started telling dad to go away! its mental.. they r messed up and i really despise them.... they have made divided the family for money and grandad is still like that..... i blame grandma more so... she feeds the fire big time... its tragic seeing it end like this. dad looked lost weh we got back from hosp (dropped mum off)..although he had gone earlier and sat afar... he was trying to get on with work but u cud see he was not into it...so weird.

losing a relative...but its complicated

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