The Man I hate: Congratulations to...

Yes, the man I hate. He fell from grace, as gracelessly as the inebriated collie that chased a butterfly onto an ice rink. In his imagination, he was once top - top of the internet jungle. His name etched into every other paving slab, and he would swan through the forums like a shameful leaf floating into a sewer inlet.

Known for: very little. You may not have heard of him. Regrettably, he once traded in his second account for fleeting stardom. If only that moment was delayed. Other moments of significant interest are

He is quite a dull man. Never attempting to ride a unicycle - which he bought for such events - atop a bus driven towards a bridge. Nor has he ever attempted to cause a learner driver to fail their test, by creating an extra speed bump on a gloomy hill. Moreover, never, not once, has he licked a toad. No matter what the said toad tries to tell you.

You may begin, to wonder, why would someone with such obvious hate have such a desire to congratulate? The promise of being able to class oneself as better, which would be immediately counteracted with the thought? Maybe just good, old-fashioned satire? Ok, I apologise - who am I to speculate about your thoughts? That is practically intrusion!

You can't really blame him for this though, remember, nobody noticed his 1000th post! Even though that was 3000 (and some) posts ago.