I would never think of saying anything like this myself :)
1. I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
2. Dont get lost in thought; youd be in unfamiliar territory.
3. Calling you stupid would be an insult to all the stupid people.
4. The more I think about you, the less I think of you.
5. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high.
6. Id ask you your hat size, but youd have to realize that the numbers keep going after 10.
7. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
8. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth?
9. You should learn from your parents mistakes; use birth control.
10. Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
11. Ive noticed that you never let a thought interrupt the flow of your conversation.
12. No, I dont mind that youre talking so much as long as you dont mind that Im not listening.
13. I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
14. Goodness me, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
15. Good night! Ill see you in my dreams if I eat too much.
16. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
17. No, I dont think youre stupid. But then, whats my own opinion against thousands of others?
18. I love what youve done with your hair! How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?
19. Save your breath. Youll need it to blow up the balloon.
20. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
21. Youre a person of rare intelligence; its rare when you show any.
22. I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself.
23. Sure, I may be fat, but youre an idiot and I can lose weight.
24. Im sorry to hear about your illness. I hope its nothing trivial.
25. When you were born, something terrible happened you lived.
26. Ive come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
27. Now I know why some mammals eat their children.
28. Dont you ever get tired of having you around?
29. I dont know what makes you tick, but I hope its a bomb.
30. Are you a moron, or are you possessed by a retarded ghost?
31. You are a beautiful person on the inside. Too bad we have to look at the outside.
32. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
33. Someday youll find yourself, and you will be just as disappointed as the rest of us.
34. Out of curiosity, were your parents siblings?
35. If you said what you thought, youd be speechless.
36. I wish I had a lower IQ so that I could enjoy your company.
37. No, no, keep talking! I always yawn when Im interested.
38. Is your family happy, or do you go home at night?
39. Ill try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet somebody who is attractive, intelligent, and cultured.
41. A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
42. May I have the pleasure of your absence?
43. You say youre a wit? Well, youre half right.
44. Sure, Id love to help you out. Do you remember which way you came in?
45. Id like to say Im glad youre here. Id like to say it; I just cant.
46. If theres ever a price on your head, take it.
47. Id explain it to you, but I dont have any crayons with me.
48. Your teeth are brighter than you are.
49. You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital.
50. Youll go far someday. I hope you stay there.
51. If you stop telling lies about me, Ill stop telling the truth about you.
52. Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.
53. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
54. Are you always this stupid, or are you just making a special effort today?
55. Me? Getting smart with you? How would you know?
56. Ill never forget the first time we met although, Ill keep trying.
57. Dont waste your money with a mind reader. Go see a palm reader instead youve got a palm.
58. Moonlight becomes you total darkness, even more.
59. Id like to leave you with a parting thought, but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it.
60. I know you are nobodys fool, but theres still hope that someone will adopt you.
61. Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
62. Your entire purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
63. Was that your conclusion or simply the point in the conversation where you got tired of thinking?
64. Must you leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.