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A mans world

thej Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
Found this amusing and thought i'd share with you.Apologies if already posted.
Ladies look away now.



How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford
a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
thej Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
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(16) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
Whats funny?
Thats how it is in my house.
#2
OMG!!! That is funny!!! And you will get rep for it.. AHAHAHHA!!!
#3
Whoops can't give rep. I've given too much in last 24 hours. I'll remember you lol...
#4
Can't wait to see what Sassie makes of this !!
1 Like #5
badmanmeow
Whoops can't give rep. I've given too much in last 24 hours. I'll remember you lol...


Did it for you :thumbsup:
#6
hahaha.
:lol:This is my favourite:
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
#7
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you:
Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.



Men are like.....

1. Men are like Laxatives .............. They irritate the **** out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas ........ The older
they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather ................ Nothing can be done to change them .
4. Men are like .... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars....... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials ........ You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ......Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds .. They take soooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara ........ They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .............They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms ..You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how
long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps .................Fun to look at, but not very bright.

says it all.............................
#8
kyalion
Did it for you :thumbsup:


lol thanks, but now i have to rep you for being nice:p
#9
louloo
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you:
Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.



Men are like.....

1. Men are like Laxatives .............. They irritate the **** out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas ........ The older
they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather ................ Nothing can be done to change them .
4. Men are like .... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars....... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials ........ You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ......Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds .. They take soooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara ........ They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .............They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms ..You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how
long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps .................Fun to look at, but not very bright.

says it all.............................


I think men and women are both equal (cough)
2 Likes #10
have given rep anyway cos it is funny!!
1 Like #11
not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. rofl nice one louloo !
#12
still laughing!!
banned 2 Likes #13
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
#14
"What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better."
dlm

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!
#15
I vote for all this cut 'n' pasting to come to a halt. SCHNELL!
#16
leefal
I vote for all this cut 'n' pasting to come to a halt. SCHNELL!


Why?

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