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A SENIOR MOMENT: I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS

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A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with … Read More
skusey Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person...
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1. To make an a ppointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman; )
DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!
skusey Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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(11) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
I've seen this floating around in emails for years... sorry!
#2
98 years old and she pays a mortgage? It's not possible!
Funny enough though.
#3
Brilliant!! :w00t: :thumbsup:
#4
I agree with her 100%. Banks these days take the mick.
2 Likes #5
bellabonkers
98 years old and she pays a mortgage? It's not possible!
Funny enough though.


agree, I think her Mum and Dad help her out though:thumbsup:
#6
WeeWifie
I've seen this floating around in emails for years... sorry!


Me too, I still read it again and laff'd!

:thumbsup:
#7
Meadsy4742
I agree with her 100%. Banks these days take the mick.

yes they do
banned#8
this is well good but no manager will publish this as this is breeching data protection... even so if you can get me acopy of the contract and i will love to send it to my banklol
#9
bellabonkers
98 years old and she pays a mortgage? It's not possible!
Funny enough though.


To be fair, she was maximum of 90 when the letter was written, and since she seems to have had a sex change inbetween times too, she's probably quite a character.
#10
first time ive read that... great stuff
banned#11
This sounds like my great nan whos 95!! she wont take no nonsence of any 1!!! a taxi driver tried over charing her by £8 or something she got out the cab and gave him a right earful and threw £3 at him and said thats what the fair is.....so i say you go lady !! iThink its brilliant haha!! :)

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