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advice aspergers child being bullied

westmorlandlife Avatar
9y, 3m agoPosted 9 years, 3 months ago
My aspergers boy, he's 12 has started to be bullied by a child in his year. the child is mocking him out of school and calling him retard and spastic and encouraging others to join in.

fortunately some of the other kids are offended as well and have been really supportive of my son but are now being picked on too.

i live in a small town and know the bullies parents but they will not accept that their son can do this.

my son although autistic does like some company and i encourage him to interact with other kids and i don't want him to become housebound out of fear.

what do i do?
westmorlandlife Avatar
9y, 3m agoPosted 9 years, 3 months ago
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banned#1
have a firm talk to the bully maybe? if his parents aren't going to say anything then maybe you should
#2
i talked to the bully and he told me to f off.
banned#3
westmorlandlife
My aspergers boy, he's 12 has started to be bullied by a child in his year. the child is mocking him out of school and calling him retard and spastic and encouraging others to join in.

fortunately some of the other kids are offended as well and have been really supportive of my son but are now being picked on too.

i live in a small town and know the bullies parents but they will not accept that their son can do this.

my son although autistic does like some company and i encourage him to interact with other kids and i don't want him to become housebound out of fear.

what do i do?


You need to talk to the school. You need them to be aware if the problem because it can escalate and get worse. Once the school is informed they should start to take steps to sort it out. Its a Primary school yes? Well then the school would defentially do something.


EDIT: Talking to the bully would not help

ALSO

Talking to the bullys parents will not help because they would think no my child is not doing anything. Also they could be aggressive
#4
Unfortunatly the only way I found to stop bullies when I was at school was to stand up to them. I only ever resorted to violence twice, both were when I was attacked and I never heard from them again. All it ever takes is 1 person in the group to stand up for themselves and bullies back off. Of course that's just my experience, I've always looked like a typical bully but always been a geek at heart
banned#5
westmorlandlife
i talked to the bully and he told me to f off.

sounds like a nice person :x may dad is quite strict lol he probably have him by the ********, im not sure what you could do nobody likes bullies. Maybe try and talk to him again and ask why he is being a bully and making your sons life a misery, even if he tells you to f off he still has something to think about, it could make him feel guilty and he may realise hes not being a nice person and stop?
banned#6
Robotochan
Unfortunatly the only way I found to stop bullies when I was at school was to stand up to them. I only ever resorted to violence twice, both were when I was attacked and I never heard from them again. All it ever takes is 1 person in the group to stand up for themselves and bullies back off. Of course that's just my experience, I've always looked like a typical bully but always been a geek at heart


Yes this is another point you need to show your strong!
banned#7
h4x3r
Yes this is another point you need to show your strong!

i thought making the other person feel guilty would work:? violence leads to more violence and the 'ill get my older brother on you' that half the time doesnt actaully happen, btw i know its hard but the bullying does usually stop eventually.
banned#8
hothothot
i thought making the other person feel guilty would work:? violence leads to more violence and the 'ill get my older brother on you' that half the time doesnt actaully happen, btw i know its hard but the bullying does usually stop eventually.


A bully will never feal guilty even if they did they would carry on because of the peer pressure
#9
i will talk to the school in september, he's due to go into his second year at secondary in september. i am just worried about the school saying its happening after school hours and is not their problem.

my boy has had quite a lot of behaviour management and is unlikely to retaliate.
banned#10
westmorlandlife
i will talk to the school in september, he's due to go into his second year at secondary in september. i am just worried about the school saying its happening after school hours and is not their problem.

my boy has had quite a lot of behaviour management and is unlikely to retaliate.


If it is after hours the school would still care. Just have a talk with the school it needs to be dealt with QUICk
banned#11
h4x3r
A bully will never feal guilty even if they did they would carry on because of the peer pressure

yeah that can be the case sometimes, if you show that you dont take any nonsense then you wont have probs with bullies
#12
Even if it occurs out of school hours, if both students go to the same school, the school will deal the problem and if they don't deal with it effectively enough, then just keep visiting the headteacher until the situation has reached a satisfactory conclusion.
#13
Arsenal Fan
Even if it occurs out of school hours, if both students go to the same school, the school will deal the problem and if they don't deal with it effectively enough, then just keep visiting the headteacher until the situation has reached a satisfactory conclusion.


Yes, keep on and don't give up, this has to be stopped the sooner the better.
#14
westmorlandlife
My aspergers boy, he's 12 has started to be bullied by a child in his year. the child is mocking him out of school and calling him retard and spastic and encouraging others to join in.

fortunately some of the other kids are offended as well and have been really supportive of my son but are now being picked on too.

i live in a small town and know the bullies parents but they will not accept that their son can do this.

my son although autistic does like some company and i encourage him to interact with other kids and i don't want him to become housebound out of fear.

what do i do?


I'm sorry to hear that your son is being bullied.

Might I suggest that for starters you refrain from referring to him as your aspergers boy! Hopefully you dont refer to him as such outside this forum?

Speak to your sons teacher or the head teacher. Bullying is not tolerated in any school and they should be able to deal with the matter swiftly.

Do not speak to the boy or his parents directly as this is not the way to deal with bullying.
#15
Arsenal Fan
Even if it occurs out of school hours, if both students go to the same school, the school will deal the problem and if they don't deal with it effectively enough, then just keep visiting the headteacher until the situation has reached a satisfactory conclusion.


Yeah, you'll get somewhere eventually. If the headteacher doesn't seem to be doing anything then maybe talk to some teachers who take a likeness to him... they might not have the power to do much but they'll probably keep a look out for him and maybe have words with the bully.
#16
Yeah talk to the headteacher and tell him that you son is really depressed, and if it doesnt work make some stuff up. Say his "councillers" are increasingly worried about his health etc, and that he has stopped interacting with others and that it took ages to get him to interact with others due to his conditon. Seriously dont just do the normal "my son is being bullied, please tell the boy to stop". If anything it will make the bully the centre of attention, something he/she wants 24/7 hence it will make the bullying worse as they bully wasnts to stay centre of attention.
banned#17
Personally I think you should get professional advice, rather than read a blog of opinions, as caring for an individual can effect the whole family.

That said...I would go and speak to the head of that school, that failing I would take it further to the council, education authority and perhaps the media (media being a last choice).
#18
i always find a swift boot up the **** in a dark alley helps
and if it doesnt a swift boot up the fathers **** every time his son annoys your boy

it will be quicker than waiting on a shower of tree huggers finishing their lentil soup
#19
I never got any help from one school, Ended up going to a different school.

Bullies are bullies though, If it wasn't for your sons Aspergers it would be for something else, They just prey on the weak.

Its very easy to say "stand up to them", But in the real world its not that easy......
#20
Don't take the nails to the face approach, my dad got a caution for threating to kick the ... out and burn somebodys house down for "bullying" me.
#21
I'm sorry to hear your boy being bullied at school.
Likely he's not going stand up for himself,at least you now know its going on,is he reluctant to speak about whats happening.
People with whatever condition often are the butt of such jokes,its not your boy with the problem,its soceity,they don't know how to deal with people with whatever disability or special needs making it a problem or causing it to be a problem.
Keep on at the school,this as got to stop or it will get to the point where he won't want to go to school.You need the school to get a meeting together with everyone involved,including your sons friends to say whats been going on,maybe then the perosn bullying in,his parents may take action.At end of day its upto parents to discipline the children,if they don't listen to their parents they not going listen to anyone else.
#22
pluves1
I'm sorry to hear that your son is being bullied.

Might I suggest that for starters you refrain from referring to him as your aspergers boy! Hopefully you dont refer to him as such outside this forum?

Speak to your sons teacher or the head teacher. Bullying is not tolerated in any school and they should be able to deal with the matter swiftly.

Do not speak to the boy or his parents directly as this is not the way to deal with bullying.

of course i don't refer to him that way. however i'm dissapointed that you find it shameful to be aspergers.

he's a blessing and his way at looking at life can be fascinating.
#23
thank you for your support, i felt low when asked for advice. i got the courage to talk to some of the other kids and their mums, we're hoping the kids will stick together and not let the bully take control.
i've booked to see headmistress next week, so hopefully something will happen.
#24
westmorlandlife
of course i don't refer to him that way. however i'm dissapointed that you find it shameful to be aspergers.

he's a blessing and his way at looking at life can be fascinating.


I think there are many different types/levels of aspergers, But there was a kid a school with aspergers that was great, He'd think of loads of things i'd never thought twice about, Had a great outlook on life! :)

Only thing was if he ever argued with someone, He just didn't stop and it'd get worse and worse till someone stepped in.
#25
pluves1
I'm sorry to hear that your son is being bullied.

Might I suggest that for starters you refrain from referring to him as your aspergers boy! Hopefully you dont refer to him as such outside this forum?

Speak to your sons teacher or the head teacher. Bullying is not tolerated in any school and they should be able to deal with the matter swiftly.

Do not speak to the boy or his parents directly as this is not the way to deal with bullying.


I though he was referring to him like that so we all knew how the circumstances were different in this particular situation.

:?
#26
I guess it's going to depend a lot on the school, it's going a while back now but the secondary school (just the standard local one) I went to took bullying fairly seriously with the Head Master himself seeing the bullies. The worst bullies were generally up to all manner of no good so I was relieved to see them kicked out of the school eventually. This sort of discpline definitely helped reduce it although it still built back up over time, I didn't properly escape it until I was into later years where the classes were separated by ability and I was finally clear of having to share the classroom with them.

I've never found the 'stand up to them' approach to work in the slightest, in my experience they are looking for a reaction and the more you react, the more they continue. Much of the reason I was chosen as a target for bullying (I assume) is because I wasn't very tall (late growth spurt) and skinny so the stand up approach was never really going to work anyway.

Admittedly that's a while back now and from what I read bullying seems to be a heck of a lot worse now, I really hope you manage to get some assistance as it's really not a pleasant experience.

John
#27
however i'm dissapointed that you find it shameful to be aspergers.


The problem with what you wrote is that he is not "aspergers", he is a "12 year old boy who lives with aspergers", which of course is the "correct" way to describe him.

He is not "aspergers", his learning dificulty has been diagnosed as "aspergers". He is a "boy" first and the "aspergers" a long distant second.

If we have parents of those with impairments talking like this, what chance have we of educating the rest of society in the correct way?
#28
Simon_G
The problem with what you wrote is that he is not "aspergers", he is a "12 year old boy who lives with aspergers", which of course is the "correct" way to describe him.

He is not "aspergers", his learning dificulty has been diagnosed as "aspergers". He is a "boy" first and the "aspergers" a long distant second.

If we have parents of those with impairments talking like this, what chance have we of educating the rest of society in the correct way?


save us from the embarrassed or pc brigade.

I assume you are also another parent. i am proud of my son and he is in a fantastic resource unit in main stream education. he himself will talkabout aspergers syndrome to those who want to know.

the children often enjoy calling themselves aspies. thats their choice.

we obviously have different ways of dealing with this, i am not ashamed, i do not feel the need to hide, parents that bury their head and try to avoid the difficulties cause far more problems, i hope your child is as well balanced. for the record he has no learning difficulties and usually gets above average grades, he has social and communication difficulties.
[admin]#29
I've seen documentaries on aspergers syndrome and the children who have it often seem to be extremely gifted-

I'm assuming by your username that you live not too far from me in the Lake District?

It surprises me that schools can still take the "If it's not in school hours, it's not our problem." approach.
If it's affecting their pupils, they should take action against the bullies. I disagree with what some of the people here have said, if you stand up to your sons' tormenters or their parents, you could make things worse for him. The secondary school in my town now has a "Safe" project in action, some of the older pupils act as buddies for children who are being bullied, and take it in turns to go on lunchtime/ afterschool duty in a designated safe-room. The bullied children feel better because they don't feel so isolated, and they realise they're not alone....
I think it's been quite successful, I don't know if there are any similar schemes at your son's school, but perhaps if the headteacher is unwilling to help, you could suggest something similar.
#30
yes i do live near lake district, just into the yorkshire dales.

Buddy systems have been used at school and generally do work, the problem
the school have had is that the buddies tend to forget and my son gets grumpy. one buddy forgot to go with him into assembly(which my son hates because its noisy) so he left the school and came home on his own.

fortunately he is able to spend his breaks in a supervised area at school.

i try to not jump in to quickly everytime my son struggles so that hopefully he can learn a little more to cope better the next time something happens. i am going to have to step in this time somehow.

i have found out the bully is being nice to my son when they are alone and horrid in company and behind his back. this is such odd bullying.

i am going to ask the school to be more careful about the kids who do the buddy system and try again.
[admin] 1 Like #31
westmorlandlife
yes i do live near lake district, just into the yorkshire dales.

i have found out the bully is being nice to my son when they are alone and horrid in company and behind his back. this is such odd bullying.

i am going to ask the school to be more careful about the kids who do the buddy system and try again.



Then the bully is basically showing off. You should explain to your son that some girls and boys don't feel comfortable enough to be themselves in public, and feel the need to show off.. that they aren't targetting him for any reason other than the fact that they are so insecure, they need to belittle someone else to make themselves feel bigger, better, more popular....
#32
westmorlandlife
i have found out the bully is being nice to my son when they are alone and horrid in company and behind his back. this is such odd bullying.


Thats normal bullying, They'll try to look big infront of their mates, Put you down, Soon as they disappear they'll be as nice as pie.

Your son really needs to ignore him when he is being nice, Because in affect he is actually acknowledging the bullying that he doesn't like, Then acts ok towards the culprit.
[admin]#33
dcx_badass
Well i say Public Humiliation. Seriously. Belittle the bully infront of everyone so they feel like complete s***. Put them back in their place in a non violent way.


I'm sorry, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but how is that setting a good example to her son? She is telling her son that it is wrong for the bully to treat him that way, but that it is ok for her to do the same thing to the bully.... it sends mixed signals.
#34
Iom-RF
I think there are many different types/levels of aspergers, But there was a kid a school with aspergers that was great, He'd think of loads of things i'd never thought twice about, Had a great outlook on life! :)

Only thing was if he ever argued with someone, He just didn't stop and it'd get worse and worse till someone stepped in.



...and, you know, we are just the same when we get to be adults... be warned! ;)
#35
I stood up to a Bully when i was back in school, after not getting anywhere reporting it to the headmaster etc. I got suspended for fighting! It did stop mind after that, i was just peeved i got repremanded for standing up.
#36
fanpages
As an aside...

My partner found a T-Shirt for our eldest son, it reads:

"Knock Knock... Who's there? Aspie. Aspie, who? Aspie anything you want about Computers".

Well, it amuses us! :)

(Of course, he first started with obsessions with Thomas The Tank Engine, and now we have pro/digressed into Pokemon).


BFN,

fp.


thank you fanpages for the advice and the joke is very accurate.:giggle:

we are still in the world of pokemon, thomas i could understand but pokemon goes right over my head.

the martial arts idea i have heard of before, i know very little about this.
what type would you reccommend i look into?

he is slightly dyspraxic and i think he could benefit from something like this if i can get him to be interested.
#37
dfaz
I stood up to a Bully when i was back in school, after not getting anywhere reporting it to the headmaster etc. I got suspended for fighting! It did stop mind after that, i was just peeved i got repremanded for standing up.


its such a shame, its always the kids that stand up for themselves that get caught.
#38
westmorlandlife
its such a shame, its always the kids that stand up for themselves that get caught.


But offers a good lesson in life that it is right to stand up for what you believe in, no matter what the consequences bring (...well, within reason) :)

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