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advice on fostering

michelle2207 Avatar
6y, 9m agoPosted 6 years, 9 months ago
hi, i have been thinking for a long time about fostering. there are so many children out there who need a loving home and i feel i can help. i have 2 children aged 5 & 3, my partner works full time and we have 2 spare bedrooms in our home. i was just wondering if anybody else fosters or has been fostered, and may have some advice for me? thanks in advance.
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michelle2207 Avatar
6y, 9m agoPosted 6 years, 9 months ago
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banned#1
My uncle (well thats how I see him) was fostered by my grandparents. He grew up to resent them thinking they gave preferential treatment to their birth children, but he made himself a millionaire in the states so didn't need their financial support as much as their birth children. He broke family secrets and used a private investigator to find stuff out, turned nasty.

Going on this I wouldn't advise fostering, either the fostered child or your birth children will grow up resenting you. I think fostering should only be an option for families without children.
#2
Hmmm I know people that foster but they don't have any children of their own. I should imagine it would be quite demanding and stressful for a family with small children.
A lot of children up for fostering have many problems and would need a lot of your time and would disrupt a normal home life. Could you cope with that ?and would you be able to devote your time without your own little ones feeling left out?
it's a very admirable thing to be able to do but i would personally wait until your kids were older.
#3
I don't foster but i know people who do. The children can be very demanding as they often have many social/ emotional/ developement etc problems. Your own children may well feel pushed out. I'd personally say your children were too young and to enjoy your time with them first, as foster children will take up alot of your time going to contact etc.
I know its aweful but there have been cases where foster children have abused their own foster families birth children, you have to be very careful.
Alot of foster children also have severe behavioural problems, which may also rub off on your own children.
I am sure it is a very rewarding job, greatly paid too however i am sure it's very hard work.
Maybe read up some books on it, i am sure there are alot about.
#4
if you really want to do it the tip is to never foster anyone younger than your youngest. This is how someone i knew did it and they did it for over 15 yeras without any problems. Good Luck x
#5
superskilly
I don't foster but i know people who do. The children can be very demanding as they often have many social/ emotional/ developement etc problems. Your own children may well feel pushed out. I'd personally say your children were too young and to enjoy your time with them first, as foster children will take up alot of your time going to contact etc.
I know its aweful but there have been cases where foster children have abused their own foster families birth children, you have to be very careful.
Alot of foster children also have severe behavioural problems, which may also rub off on your own children.
I am sure it is a very rewarding job, greatly paid too however i am sure it's very hard work.
Maybe read up some books on it, i am sure there are alot about.


Your location makes me laugh every time i see it lol <<<<<<<<<< please will someone take this lady out of christmas. :-D
#6
i need someone to take this hat of my head too :(
banned#7
I keep thinking about doing it.

Good luck to you x x
#8
I am a foster parent, we are now looking after our fourth child and the rewards and personal satisfaction we get from these children is great. The current child we are looking after looks like it will be a long term child. It's all to easy to say you shouldn't do this and shouldn't do that, but it is different for each family because of 101 factors that make the placement right or wrong.

The very fact that you are considering it means you could well be made of the right stuff to help kids, some of who really are desperate to be shown a little love and kindness. Please don't take to much notice of comments you may receive here (including my comments !! ), please do talk to someone professional about this if it what you and your other half want.

Should you wish to know more about our experiences feel free to PM me and I will be happy to tell you more.
#9
BlondeBella
if you really want to do it the tip is to never foster anyone younger than your youngest. This is how someone i knew did it and they did it for over 15 yeras without any problems. Good Luck x


i heard the best way was to foster children younger than your youngest?!
#10
queenlush
Your location makes me laugh every time i see it lol <<<<<<<<<< please will someone take this lady out of christmas. :-D


i'm having the same problem!!! it will not change.
#11
DLM
I keep thinking about doing it.

Good luck to you x x


thankyou. u too if u decide to go for it. :thumbsup:
#12
Download_Dave
I am a foster parent, we are now looking after our fourth child and the rewards and personal satisfaction we get from these children is great. The current child we are looking after looks like it will be a long term child. It's all to easy to say you shouldn't do this and shouldn't do that, but it is different for each family because of 101 factors that make the placement right or wrong.

The very fact that you are considering it means you could well be made of the right stuff to help kids, some of who really are desperate to be shown a little love and kindness. Please don't take to much notice of comments you may receive here (including my comments !! ), please do talk to someone professional about this if it what you and your other half want.

Should you wish to know more about our experiences feel free to PM me and I will be happy to tell you more.


thankyou! i think i will pm you :thumbsup:
#13
edit: i'd wait until your children are older, the 3 year old wont understand why there is a new child in the house
#14
michelle2207
i heard the best way was to foster children younger than your youngest?!


well the way she looked at it was that this way her baby would always be your baby and it worked for her.
#15
Speak to your local council, they should have a team that you can go and meet, and possibly have open evenings where you can meet other people interested, and current foster carers.

You can also approach private agencies, they also do these types of meetings/events.
#16
thesaint
Speak to your local council, they should have a team that you can go and meet, and possibly have open evenings where you can meet other people interested, and current foster carers.

You can also approach private agencies, they also do these types of meetings/events.


i have been in touch with NFA. i'm just waiting for a call back.:)
#17
personally i wouldnt do it while your children are young it will cause alot of problems for your own kids. you need to remember that 90% of foster children have alot of issues and need you 24/7.you dont want your own kids to feel pushed out.i have taken my partners children on when they were 6 and 7 because they mother had turned to drugs. she had starved them and they had seen things you would never want a child to see they were severely underweight and had scabies to the degree were it had eaten though there skin really bad.we worked side by side with social services to try and get the kids off her it was heartbreaking as we were told we couldnt just keep them as if she rang the police she would just get them back.so a 2 year long court case broke out and i had to put up with just having them at weekends i would tidy and feed the up and the following week they would come back a mess.until one day we went to the first court meeting and the mother was told she couldnt leave her kids with anyone else as she had been leaving them with some ex boyfriend while she went out. the same night she left them again and at midnight i got a knock on my door with this lad and the girls saying that the eldest had fallen and cut her head and he couldnt get hold of there mother so i took them in got her head sorted in the hospital and rang the mother on the sunday which was 2 days later(yes she didnt even ring to see if she was ok.) i told her that i wanted there school uniform and that i wasnt bringing them back.she then kicked off saying i could have the uniform but she was picking them up. so i took them to school and went back to pick them up and she was there anyway to cut a very long story short i literally punched her head in for her(not something i would normally do.) but glad i did as from that day on the kids have remained with me and we havent seen anything of her and i am fully rewarded custody by the courts and she is isnt allowed any type of contact. and thats a story within a family i wouldnt like to think what some foster kids have been through. but i would strongly suggest that if this is the route you want to go down then i would wait until your own children are a little older. goodluck in what ever you decide.x
#18
BlondeBella
well the way she looked at it was that this way her baby would always be your baby and it worked for her.


i think it because you hear stories of older children who you have fostered have abused your yong children, for this reason i would prefere to foster younger than my own. :oops:
#19
michelle2207;8004662
i heard the best way was to foster children younger than your youngest?!


Correct, at least in our experience, but then everyone will find different things work for differnet families because as I said 101 factors affect the suitability of any child.
banned#20
greyparrot
personally i wouldnt do it while your children are young it will cause alot of problems for your own kids. you need to remember that 90% of foster children have alot of issues and need you 24/7.you dont want your own kids to feel pushed out.i have taken my partners children on when they were 6 and 7 because they mother had turned to drugs. she had starved them and they had seen things you would never want a child to see they were severely underweight and had scabies to the degree were it had eaten though there skin really bad.we worked side by side with social services to try and get the kids off her it was heartbreaking as we were told we couldnt just keep them as if she rang the police she would just get them back.so a 2 year long court case broke out and i had to put up with just having them at weekends i would tidy and feed the up and the following week they would come back a mess.until one day we went to the first court meeting and the mother was told she couldnt leave her kids with anyone else as she had been leaving them with some ex boyfriend while she went out. the same night she left them again and at midnight i got a knock on my door with this lad and the girls saying that the eldest had fallen and cut her head and he couldnt get hold of there mother so i took them in got her head sorted in the hospital and rang the mother on the sunday which was 2 days later(yes she didnt even ring to see if she was ok.) i told her that i wanted there school uniform and that i wasnt bringing them back.she then kicked off saying i could have the uniform but she was picking them up. so i took them to school and went back to pick them up and she was there anyway to cut a very long story short i literally punched her head in for her(not something i would normally do.) but glad i did as from that day on the kids have remained with me and we havent seen anything of her and i am fully rewarded custody by the courts and she is isnt allowed any type of contact. and thats a story within a family i wouldnt like to think what some foster kids have been through. but i would strongly suggest that if this is the route you want to go down then i would wait until your own children are a little older. goodluck in what ever you decide.x


My god, you need some spaces in that for me to read it.

Hope you are well x x
#21
michelle2207;8004681
thankyou! i think i will pm you :thumbsup:


Got it ! I will respond asap, but I'm at work at the moment so will have to write my reply as I work. :thumbsup:
#22
michelle2207
i think it because you hear stories of older children who you have fostered have abused your yong children, for this reason i would prefere to foster younger than my own. :oops:


The reason she did this was because she read alot of stories about how your youngest doesnt get as much attention as the younger foster child often need more looking after with them being younger.
#23
greyparrot
personally i wouldnt do it while your children are young it will cause alot of problems for your own kids. you need to remember that 90% of foster children have alot of issues and need you 24/7.you dont want your own kids to feel pushed out.i have taken my partners children on when they were 6 and 7 because they mother had turned to drugs. she had starved them and they had seen things you would never want a child to see they were severely underweight and had scabies to the degree were it had eaten though there skin really bad.we worked side by side with social services to try and get the kids off her it was heartbreaking as we were told we couldnt just keep them as if she rang the police she would just get them back.so a 2 year long court case broke out and i had to put up with just having them at weekends i would tidy and feed the up and the following week they would come back a mess.until one day we went to the first court meeting and the mother was told she couldnt leave her kids with anyone else as she had been leaving them with some ex boyfriend while she went out. the same night she left them again and at midnight i got a knock on my door with this lad and the girls saying that the eldest had fallen and cut her head and he couldnt get hold of there mother so i took them in got her head sorted in the hospital and rang the mother on the sunday which was 2 days later(yes she didnt even ring to see if she was ok.) i told her that i wanted there school uniform and that i wasnt bringing them back.she then kicked off saying i could have the uniform but she was picking them up. so i took them to school and went back to pick them up and she was there anyway to cut a very long story short i literally punched her head in for her(not something i would normally do.) but glad i did as from that day on the kids have remained with me and we havent seen anything of her and i am fully rewarded custody by the courts and she is isnt allowed any type of contact. and thats a story within a family i wouldnt like to think what some foster kids have been through. but i would strongly suggest that if this is the route you want to go down then i would wait until your own children are a little older. goodluck in what ever you decide.x


well done you for fighting for the children! :thumbsup: most people turn a blind eye.
banned#24
DLM
I keep thinking about doing it.

Good luck to you x x


pick me pick me!
#25
i have a friend who's a single parent who's just started fostering she has 2 children 16 and 13 she obvously discussed it with them are they are cool with it all so maybe easier when they are older.

also wanted to post this to make people aware you dont have to be married or a couple to foster
#26
I have read all of the above with great interest! I have been a FC for nearly 13years and have had good and bad experiences. I have also been involved with training new carers. I have always prefered to have children younger than mine, I started when my two youngest were 6 and 8...now 18 & 20. The reason being that older children can come with ideas(!!!) that you wouldnt want handed down to yours! I have looked after 28 children. The youngest being 5days and the oldest 15. Apart from one little darling the main problem with fostering is NOT the children themselves its their parent/s. The fostering network can give you more info, but other Fc's will tell you how it really is. I was with a local council but have been with an agency for the past 10 years. Am more than happy for PM for more details. Warning to all those thinking of fostering, take off the rose coloured specs and hold on tight....it will change your life forever!
#27
thesaint;8004718
Speak to your local council, they should have a team that you can go and meet, and possibly have open evenings where you can meet other people interested, and current foster carers.

You can also approach private agencies, they also do these types of meetings/events.


Good advice. :thumbsup:
#28
allnaturaluk
I have read all of the above with great interest! I have been a FC for nearly 13years and have had good and bad experiences. I have also been involved with training new carers. I have always prefered to have children younger than mine, I started when my two youngest were 6 and 8...now 18 & 20. The reason being that older children can come with ideas(!!!) that you wouldnt want handed down to yours! I have looked after 28 children. The youngest being 5days and the oldest 15. Apart from one little darling the main problem with fostering is NOT the children themselves its their parent/s. The fostering network can give you more info, but other Fc's will tell you how it really is. I was with a local council but have been with an agency for the past 10 years. Am more than happy for PM for more details. Warning to all those thinking of fostering, take off the rose coloured specs and hold on tight....it will change your life forever!


exactly the sort of thing i was hoping to hear. :thumbsup: thankyou, i will pm you. :)
#30
michelle2207;8004767
i think it because you hear stories of older children who you have fostered have abused your yong children, for this reason i would prefere to foster younger than my own. :oops:


Although this can be true, in reality it is very rare.

BlondeBella;8004855
The reason she did this was because she read alot of stories about how your youngest doesnt get as much attention as the younger foster child often need more looking after with them being younger.


Again can be true but it depends so much on the foster family - including the biological children as well as the foster child.

jamstaruk1972;8005023
i have a friend who's a single parent who's just started fostering she has 2 children 16 and 13 she obvously discussed it with them are they are cool with it all so maybe easier when they are older.

also wanted to post this to make people aware you dont have to be married or a couple to foster


Very true

allnaturaluk;8005058
I have read all of the above with great interest! I have been a FC for nearly 13years and have had good and bad experiences. I have also been involved with training new carers. I have always prefered to have children younger than mine, I started when my two youngest were 6 and 8...now 18 & 20. The reason being that older children can come with ideas(!!!) that you wouldnt want handed down to yours! I have looked after 28 children. The youngest being 5days and the oldest 15. Apart from one little darling the main problem with fostering is NOT the children themselves its their parent/s. The fostering network can give you more info, but other Fc's will tell you how it really is. I was with a local council but have been with an agency for the past 10 years. Am more than happy for PM for more details. Warning to all those thinking of fostering, take off the rose coloured specs and hold on tight....it will change your life forever!


Agree 100% - and well done for helping those 28 kids. :thumbsup:
banned#31
OP..give it serious consideration for your kids sake before committing to anything and remember it takes quite a while, checks, panels, interviews etc...doesnt happen overnight like some claim.

My parents have done it for the past 4 years, they like it and its been a positive influence to the child, I regard him as my brother now...hes a good lad but wasnt when he first came, was very tough in the beginning
#32


very worrying!!!
#33
michelle2207
very worrying!!!


sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

Fostering can be rewarding for all parties involved as is mentioned in the thread earlier, however I thought it best to mention it, so at least your aware of the possiable negatives involved.
#34
queenlush
Your location makes me laugh every time i see it lol <<<<<<<<<< please will someone take this lady out of christmas. :-D


I know evertime i try and change it it fails, seems others have too. Glad its not just me..lol:thumbsup:

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