Am i being fair? Parental advice plz - HotUKDeals
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Am i being fair? Parental advice plz

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My daughter whos almost 16 has a mate whos also same age, he comes here alot,very nice boy, good family but very strict etc My daughter recently told me hes began to bother with the wrong crowd, hes… Read More
pcnutta Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
My daughter whos almost 16 has a mate whos also same age, he comes here alot,very nice boy, good family but very strict etc
My daughter recently told me hes began to bother with the wrong crowd, hes began to steal, drink, smoke etcc My daughter has tried talking to him, but he wont listen. He has changed so much, it is so sad.His whole personality has changed.
My daughter wont go to town with him cos he steals etc and he keeps calling here, normally he comes in for the whole day, has food etc.
Because he steals i decided its best he doesnt come in. I feel terrible, really upsets me cos hes going down wrong path. I hate not letting him come in but i cant trust him.

I dont know what to do, i really want to help him. Hes just knocked and daughter wouldnt go to town with him and he didnt come in. Whereas normally he would come in. Oh dear i dont know what to do.

Theres more to this which may be why hes rebelling... something his family would disown him over... not my place to approach the family.

Im really in a rut.
What would you do?
pcnutta Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
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#1
If you know him that well, maybe you could ask him if there's anything going on that you could help with. He will know that you know about the stealing and will probably understand why you are not letting him in but still wanting to care and be kind. I absolutely think that you are doing the right thing in not allowing him in your house and I think your daughter sounds very sensible and caring too. Other than that I don't think there's a lot you can do other than letting him know that you are there as a family to help him - sometimes people go down a wrong path and later or at some point recognise it and turn around from it. I hope he sees that soon. Be encouraged and don't feel bad - it sounds like you are doing the right thing and credit to your daughter.
#2
If his whole personality has changed sounds like he is drug dependent/addicted and needs professional help.
#3
bluetigermobiles
If his whole personality has changed sounds like he is drug dependent/addicted and needs professional help.


I agree, sounds like he has started on drugs
#4
bluetigermobiles
If his whole personality has changed sounds like he is drug dependent/addicted and needs professional help.


He's a 16 year old boy! Your personality changes every 30 minutes when your a 16 year old boy, you can't just throw off the cuff ill-informed comments like that! I don't know of any doctor that prescribe tablets for "maturing" boys.

To the OP, you have to do what's best for your own child. Although she seems to be dealing with the situation fairly well. Be proud of her.:thumbsup:
#5
I agree with Sash6304. Maybe it might be good for him to know you and your daughter are on his side and are there to support him. Maybe invite him round for tea one night and sit him down in a calm atmosphere and just say you are worried about him and you are there to help. Be as frank and honest as possible. He needs to feel that ultimately it is his decision but he also needs to choose the right path to go down and may need a little help/ nudge in the right direction. It sounds as if his parents are that strict then really he hasn't got anyone caring or responsible to talk to and that could be where you and your daughter can help the most. Good luck. x
#6
If he still pops around it could be him clinging onto his last piece of 'good' as we all know by our conscience when we are doing wrong. Love him enough to tell him what he'll profess not to want to hear but hopefully will jolt his conscience when he least expects it and pull him back from the lusts of the wrong path.

He's still maturing needs guidance reach out and tell him you hate seeing the change in him... be honest. It'll hurt you both but that's the best kind of instruction when it's done with love and compassion. He'll hurt more in the long run if you don't.
#7
nikkib123
Yes he could be on drugs or maybe he is confused about his sexuality. Could be a number of things but I think he is definately attention seeeking.

Also if he has led a sheltered life with very strict parents he could just be going through "being the rebel" stage - which I did when I was younger.


you are spot on .. hes just * come out* told me ages ago, cos he can tell me things like that, i just hugged him and said , makes no odds to me as long as your happy. his family are VERY religious and this would be OMG ... i dread to think..

See what i mean, i KNOW why hes rebelling yet im unable to talk to his parents cos they dont know.... ahhh
#8
bluetigermobiles
I agree with Sash6304. Maybe it might be good for him to know you and your daughter are on his side and are there to support him. Maybe invite him round for tea one night and sit him down in a calm atmosphere and just say you are worried about him and you are there to help. Be as frank and honest as possible. He needs to feel that ultimately it is his decision but he also needs to choose the right path to go down and may need a little help/ nudge in the right direction. It sounds as if his parents are that strict then really he hasn't got anyone caring or responsible to talk to and that could be where you and your daughter can help the most. Good luck. x


Im gonna do that i think cos he really IS/WAS a lovely lad. Seriously im not just saying it, he is one in a million.
#9
She is fab Nikki, shes just finished work experience and the school rang me to say how fantastic she is, the kids loved her, teachers loved her. They said they never had such a polite helper and I should be so proud! They even said if she decides to do classroom assistant course, theres a job for her at the school.

I felt so proud. She is fantastic.


Im gonna get hold of the lad n invite him over, over xmas and let him know i care etc..

xx
#10
A freind of mine at school went through the same thing at about the same age. He eventually moved away from his family. (the disowned him and threw him out the house when he told them) bit extream but moved down to england. He had a rough couple of years if I'm honest but he's now with a super guy and is deleiriouly happy.

Best thing you can do Nutta is tell him your there for him if he needs ya!
#11
jennybubbles
A freind of mine at school went through the same thing at about the same age. He eventually moved away from his family. (the disowned him and threw him out the house when he told them) bit extream but moved down to england. He had a rough couple of years if I'm honest but he's now with a super guy and is deleiriouly happy.

Best thing you can do Nutta is tell him your there for him if he needs ya!


omg that would be devestating cos hes lovely. I am sure the behaviour would stop if he could tell his parents and they accepted it.
#12
Good luck Pcnutta :)

It seems he is confused, but you need to let him know you are there for him :)
#13
pcnutta
omg that would be devestating cos hes lovely. I am sure the behaviour would stop if he could tell his parents and they accepted it.


The problem is if they don't it can just lead to more (and often worse) destructive behavior.

My heart really goes out to him it must be awful :cry:

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