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An Alternative Medical Dictionary !!!

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..An Alternative Medical Dictionary . . . .Artery : The study of paintings Barium : What Doctors do when patients die Caesarean Section : A neighbourhood in Rome Cauterize : Made eye con…
snowtiger Avatar
8y, 9m agoPosted 8 years, 9 months ago
..An Alternative Medical Dictionary
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.Artery : The study of paintings
Barium : What Doctors do when patients die
Caesarean Section : A neighbourhood in Rome
Cauterize : Made eye contact with her
Colic : A sheep dog
D&C : Where Washington is
Dilate : To live long
Enema : Not a friend
Fibula : A small lie
Genital : Not a Jew
Impotent : Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain : Getting hurt at work
Morbid : A higher offer
Nitrates : Cheaper than day rates
Node : Was aware of
Outpatient : A person who has fainted
Post-Operative : Letter carrier
Recovery Room : Place to do upholstery
Seizure : Roman Emperor
Tablet : Small table
Terminal Illness : Getting sick at the airport
Urine : Opposite of 'you're out'
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snowtiger Avatar
8y, 9m agoPosted 8 years, 9 months ago
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#1
Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operationhttp://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/animations/doctor_giving_patient_rescue_breathing_lg_clr.gif

Earlier this year Winston lost his ear. Luck would have it that it was replaced, with a pigs ear, by doctors. They cut it to size and made it look more human before sewing it, invisibly, in place.
Several weeks passed before Winston felt it necessary to return to his surgeons.
When he did, Winston complained bitterly, 'Doctor, I keep hearing this noise and its doing my head in. 'The doctor, totally unconcerned answered, 'Don't worry, its just a bit of crackling.'
#2
A man is sitting in the doctor's waiting room with jelly and fruit in one ear and custard and cream in the other.

When called by the receptionist he ignores her until she comes over to him.

Then he explains, 'Sorry dear, I'm a trifle deaf!' :whistling:
#3
Innuendo - an Italian suppository :w00t:
#4
cannyscot;2282424
Innuendo - an Italian suppository :w00t:

v. good :giggle:
#5
Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery

[LIST=1]
[*]Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
[*]Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
[*]Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
[*]Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
[*] ...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
[*]Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
[*]Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
[*]FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out![/LIST]
[CENTER] :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D[/CENTER]
#6
snowtiger
v. good :giggle:


brilliant - still laughing:-D:-D
#7
What's the difference between and oral and a rectal thermometer?


The taste! :evil:
#8
[CENTER]http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/bab0083l.jpg[/CENTER]
#9
No nurse, I said remove his spectacles!

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