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Annoyed and Venting!

Deek43 Avatar
8y, 2m agoPosted 8 years, 2 months ago
My son started Senior School last Friday, all seemed to go going ok. Monday he came home complaining of a tummy ache, yesterday he came home complaining of a tummy ache and headache. You might think - ok, he's a bit under the weather. BUT my son has Aspergers' Syndrome and he doesn't deal with emotions like the rest of us, they manifest into pains - ie tummy ache/headache.

This morning, I finally got out of him that he is being picked on (bullied) by 4 children that he went to primary school with! I am so angry! I've contacted his inclusion worker and he's going into school today to have a "chat" and I'm waiting for his teacher to return my call. I want to cry/scream/shout! Vent over for a bit (got to go to the Docs) but I may be back later for another rant.
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Deek43 Avatar
8y, 2m agoPosted 8 years, 2 months ago
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#1
Kids can be cruel, Vent away if it helps :thumbsup: hope it gets resolved
#2
Oh Deek, I hope he is ok, I found that our eldest going to high school was much more stressful than starting school. We have had a few problems but have found our head of year to be very good, all I can say is to keep a really close eye on it and keep in contact with school. I hope it works out.
banned#3
Sorry to hear that, hope you all feel better soon x x
1 Like #4
This is horrendous!!! Children can be very cruel and schools don't always act in the way you'd hope. Keep at this until you are SURE it is resolved. I speak from experience since my son had problems with bullies and despite contacting the school several times it was only taken seriously after I was called to collect him from Casualty - the bullying had escalated until the boys physically beat him up in a classroom and he was taken to hospital with a head injury (he still has the scar, 10 years later). I ramble on because I can't emphasise enough that you must ensure it is resolved, DON'T rely on the teachers helping. Hopefully you son's tormentors will be sorted out immediately. I really hope so!!!
1 Like #5
Aww deek43 ;friends: i know how stressful schools can be for children on the spectrum, my youngest who has ASD found it really hard in reception last year & am so glad he is starting at a specialist school on friday :) it's so hard for them to explain how they are feeling :-(
#6
Hi My son is Aspergers too and is now in year 9 and every year its someone different who seems to take a liking to have a go at him .School get sick and tired of me phoning but i will not let it get out of hand i want it sorted before it escalates to far. At least this school take it more seriously than his Primary School who insisted there was no bullying in their school :roll: i live facing that school and believe me i have seen my fair share of bullys over the years. If you need to chat just pm me heres some hugs for you (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Chaos
#7
try not to take this the wrong way as its not meant to be nasty.

my nephew has Aspergers as well as dyspraxia. he's now 16 and at first meeting you wouldn't notice anything "wrong" with him. this was completely different when he was younger. he went to a mainstream infants school and junior school. my sisiter-in-law wanted him to go to a "normal" secondary school as well but finally relented to the advice she was being given and he went to a specialist school instead. she fretted and fretted that she wanted him to have a normal schooling but now she realises that specialist was the way to go. he's now done his GCSEs (something you would have thought impossible 5 years ago) he's just entered college and has even been to barbados with the school, twice, and without his mother i might add.

normal mainstream schools just aren't setup (no matter what they tell you) to handle special needs children and the kids certainly take no prisoners with someone who is different.

if i were you i would seriously consider whether he'd be better off in specialist education. its not something you might want, but from personal experience , albeit distanced, in my nephew's case it was certainly the way to go.
#8
My son has Dyspraxia, which has many similar symptom with Aspergers' Syndrome. He is 18 now and a college, but he had many problems at secondary school.

I am afraid he is likely to get this all through secondary school, not only from the pupils but from the teachers as well (they often have little or no training in dealing with special needs children).

My son has great trouble writing and I remember once the had a written exam of 10 questions that the teacher read out (my son had no support that day).

After the teacher read out the answrs he asked "hands up who got 10 right", "hands up who got 9 right" and so on.

When he got down to "who got none right" my son put his hand up.

Can you image how humiliating this was for my son, in front of the whole class. And this was all the fault of the lack of training of the teacher.

Pupils were bad as well. He came home with bruises where kids had hit him, he had his school bag forced down the loo, he was picked on in the gym because he could not catch a ball due to his bad eye sight and so on.

My wife was always on to the school straight away and it was often sorted out by the school very quickly (boys were often excluded for a day or longer for the bullying). Usually the school dealt with it very promptly.

Some schools deal with it better than others (my daughters secondary school was very "exam" driven and they never accepted there was EVER any bullying at her school).

Try not to get too angry, because even if a kid is "normal" they still get picked on for being thin, or fat, or having spots, or having ginger hair, or being black or asian or chinese and so on.

Not saying you should accept it, far from it, but it is part of "growing up" and learning to get on with all sorts of people.

Of course bullying is bullying and you should ALWAYS report it to the school. Try to find a friendly teacher or support worker in the school who you can talk to and deal with, but dont rant and shout at them, they are far more likely to work with you if you are calm and collected than if you storm into the school ranting and raving.

My wife works with special needs children in a parent partnership group, so we have quite a lot of experience in this area.

Try to find a local parent partnership group, they will work with you to make sure the school are doing all they can. My wife is going into schools almost every day in meetings between teachers, parents and special needs children to sort out problems.

This site may help you find your local parent partnership group (I have to say it is not a great web site, with some pages blank). If it does not give you the answer contact your local council to ask who provies parent partnership support.

http://www.parentpartnership.org.uk/Templates/about.htm

Or search in Google for your areas parent partnership. So if you lived in Devon search for "Devon parent partnership" and you find this site

http://www.parentpartnershipdevon.org.uk/

(Just replace Devon with your local town or county)
#9
wolf359
try not to take this the wrong way as its not meant to be nasty.

my nephew has Aspergers as well as dyspraxia. he's now 16 and at first meeting you wouldn't notice anything "wrong" with him. this was completely different when he was younger. he went to a mainstream infants school and junior school. my sisiter-in-law wanted him to go to a "normal" secondary school as well but finally relented to the advice she was being given and he went to a specialist school instead. she fretted and fretted that she wanted him to have a normal schooling but now she realises that specialist was the way to go. he's now done his GCSEs (something you would have thought impossible 5 years ago) he's just entered college and has even been to barbados with the school, twice, and without his mother i might add.

normal mainstream schools just aren't setup (no matter what they tell you) to handle special needs children and the kids certainly take no prisoners with someone who is different.

if i were you i would seriously consider whether he'd be better off in specialist education. its not something you might want, but from personal experience , albeit distanced, in my nephew's case it was certainly the way to go.


Alex isn't statemented - he is too high educationally to get one (top of his year in primary). The school I've sent him to isn't a high achiever school because he wouldn't be able to cope - too much pressure; but he was relaxed when visiting it and he's NEVER been like that in a school before. I can't afford to send him to a private special school, so chances of getting in a normal one are zero. :x
#10
Guilbert53 - if things get out of hand (fingers crossed they don't), I'll contact Parent Partnership - they visit my support group and have helped other parents out with problems within school.:thumbsup:
#11
Chaos_Theory
Hi My son is Aspergers too and is now in year 9 and every year its someone different who seems to take a liking to have a go at him .School get sick and tired of me phoning but i will not let it get out of hand i want it sorted before it escalates to far. At least this school take it more seriously than his Primary School who insisted there was no bullying in their school :roll: i live facing that school and believe me i have seen my fair share of bullys over the years. If you need to chat just pm me heres some hugs for you (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Chaos


Thank you, have some hugs back :friends::friends::friends::friends:
#12
hope you get it sorted:thumbsup:
#13
mr miagi
hope you get it sorted:thumbsup:


Me too. Just waiting for the phone to ring now.
#14
Hiya

My son is Autistic but thankfully has been statemented, so is able to attend a special needs school.

A friend of mines son (also ASD) goes to mainstream school. He is classed as high
functioning and is very able to follow the national curriculum but really struggles socially, which inturn makes him a target for bullies:(

She had a fight to get him statemented but somehow managed it. He has now got a set amount of hours allocated to him for which he has one-one help. From what she has told me most of this is for break times and lunch, which he finds the most stressful.

I really feel for both you and your sonxx and hope that phone rings quickly with some positive news.
#15
wolf359;2935858
try not to take this the wrong way as its not meant to be nasty.

my nephew has Aspergers as well as dyspraxia. he's now 16 and at first meeting you wouldn't notice anything "wrong" with him. this was completely different when he was younger. he went to a mainstream infants school and junior school. my sisiter-in-law wanted him to go to a "normal" secondary school as well but finally relented to the advice she was being given and he went to a specialist school instead. she fretted and fretted that she wanted him to have a normal schooling but now she realises that specialist was the way to go. he's now done his GCSEs (something you would have thought impossible 5 years ago) he's just entered college and has even been to barbados with the school, twice, and without his mother i might add.

normal mainstream schools just aren't setup (no matter what they tell you) to handle special needs children and the kids certainly take no prisoners with someone who is different.

if i were you i would seriously consider whether he'd be better off in specialist education. its not something you might want, but from personal experience , albeit distanced, in my nephew's case it was certainly the way to go.

i know what you mean my 5 year old was in mainstream school last year but was finding large classes & stuff really difficult & everything was a constant fight with the school! so went throught the process to get him statemented & i'm so glad he's starting at a specialist school on friday :) my 7 year old has just been diagnosed with ASD also but seems to be ok in mainstream but got him assessed so that he has a diagnosis if he finds junior school or senior school difficult as i don't want the system to fail him...
banned#16
Hmmm. I got this to look forward to next year. We've already had the letter from the LEA with regard to his provision and lists our nearest school as well. There is no way he will be going to that school. Many of the kids in his class will be there and all the problems he's had to date have been with being bullied by certain kids. Jack started off in a SEN unit, but is now fully integrated into mainstream with support. I would have kept him in the unit, but the kids they were now taking in all had serious learning difficulties and to be blunt, was now a baby sitting class not a learning class.

He's done ok in mainstream, but there are just so many issues with both the school and the LEA I could scream with you!!
#17
guv;2937144
Hmmm. I got this to look forward to next year. We've already had the letter from the LEA with regard to his provision and lists our nearest school as well. There is no way he will be going to that school. Many of the kids in his class will be there and all the problems he's had to date have been with being bullied by certain kids. Jack started off in a SEN unit, but is now fully integrated into mainstream with support. I would have kept him in the unit, but the kids they were now taking in all had serious learning difficulties and to be blunt, was now a baby sitting class not a learning class.

He's done ok in mainstream, but there are just so many issues with both the school and the LEA I could scream with you!!

I know!! The LEA aren't very helpful are they considering they are there for the children :whistling:
#18
Well his inclusion worker (Drew) has rung - he's sorted everything out with school, so nobody needs to ring me (would have been nice to know earlier). Drew has had a meeting with SENCo, my sons teacher, learning mentor and head of year 7. A TA is being put in his class and they will travel to and from classes and be around at break/lunch times, just to keep an eye on things as one of the boys bullied my son at primary school too! They are going to try to keep them apart as much as possible, fingers crossed this should sort them out. My son has also been highlight as a child that needs additional help getting round school, but he is not on his own, there are 4 other kids in his class they think the extra help.

If anything else happens, I'll let you know. Thanks everyone for you support - I really needed a shoulder this morning and you all helped.:friends:

Extra special thanks to Chaos and Prissy:-D
banned#19
Strange that you should have just posted this. Mine came home upset today. One of the kids who has bullied in the past, but generally is friendly to him, acted up again. Everytime Jack spoke or looked at him, he received a negative stare. Told a teacher, didnt eat his lunch because he "was too upset".

Happens over and over again.

You cant force kids to be friends, but you can certainly make sure things dont escalate by monitoring.
#20
guv
Strange that you should have just posted this. Mine came home upset today. One of the kids who has bullied in the past, but generally is friendly to him, acted up again. Everytime Jack spoke or looked at him, he received a negative stare. Told a teacher, didnt eat his lunch because he "was too upset".

Happens over and over again.

You cant force kids to be friends, but you can certainly make sure things dont escalate by monitoring.


Fingers crossed things settle down:thumbsup:
#21
i'm sorry but some kids are just gits. simple as that. no amount of monitoring or anything else will make them better. kids are like a pack of animals. if they see anyone different from the crowd they will single them out and keep having a go at them. in my experience the only answer if for the bullied child to not stand out. this is why special needs schools were setup in the first place. no amount of lecturing, nurturing,teaching or threatening will stop some kids from making other kids' lives a misery
#22
Just to give you an update

After various telephone calls from his Inclusion Worker, Learning Mentor and Head of Yr 7 - everything seems to be sorted (fingers crossed, touch wood, stroke rabbits foot). He's cried all week prior to going to school and when he gets home BUT he had an "excellent day" yesterday - his words! I could have cried I was so happy. Thanks everyone for all your support and comments.:thumbsup:
banned 1 Like #23
Deek43
Just to give you an update

After various telephone calls from his Inclusion Worker, Learning Mentor and Head of Yr 7 - everything seems to be sorted (fingers crossed, touch wood, stroke rabbits foot). He's cried all week prior to going to school and when he gets home BUT he had an "excellent day" yesterday - his words! I could have cried I was so happy. Thanks everyone for all your support and comments.:thumbsup:


I hope things get better by the day for you all x x

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