You all notice im a bit of a moaner and complain about what most people find little, but theres a reason behind it all.
Im 25 in a few days and never really had a girlfriend, well had one who I depised, she was VERY ugly, fat, never washed and whinged about cash depsite getting about £600 a month from college and staying rent free and with free food from her parents, she never stayed over and whinged about her all the time.
The last 3 years especially were the worst, at times I have almost had a nervous breakdown, before then I had some women fancy me, used to come up to me when I was out clubbing and dance and flirt and such, yet in last 2 years since my brother was murdered my depression has been bad, before I was just unmotivated now im depressed. And after my brother died my family lost contact with my niece, as her maternal family who were snobs(both in high paid jobs and the mentality a man has to provide for a woman) who hated my brother because he was unemployed called my family scum, and refused us access to my niece and we went through a year of hell with the social work department who were out to get us, and twisted anything that was said about us, from saying we had to get psychological tests done to get access, then refusing to pay for them, then wanting us to travel from Scotland to Manchester and stay overnight and not get paid for it.
My family were called scum by social work staff, and again they went so far twisting things that even when we got a 1 day a month visit once my niece had a cold before we took her out, and they used that as an excuse to only let us visit her in supervised visits.
Also my family were REFUSED to be allowed to adopt, giving excuses like me being at uni, or others worked in full time work.
Yet 8 different familys on their side WERE, and that isnt fair.
And even though the maternal grandparents had arrests for violence and arrests for frauds(and convictions) they were called perfect grandparents despite them calling us scum to our faces in front of social, and us not being able to say anything back as when we once did it was twisted to make us seem bad by social work(as I say they were out to get us)
Eventually the maternal Grandparents adopted her and we were denied any form of contact until shes 16 and only then at her request(shes 5 now) we arent even allowed to know the town she lives in wheras every member of the maternal family is allowed regular contact.
Then after 2 months the maternal grandparents gave her up as they didnt want her, and we werent told, and she was given to another member of that family who never even had psychological tests
Now we are now allowed to send a yearly letter to her, but she wont get them till shes 16, and we are "supposed" to get one back each year from her
The first one was due in June but we never got it, and they claimed we were never told we were allowed to send one, then after much arguing we were allowed to again but each member of my family got an obvious fake letter as each one of us got the same letter word for word with just our name changed and the words uncle/granny/grandad changed and its too grammatically and smart written for any 5 year old and it tells us nothing about her, how she feels etc.
part 2 below
Back to the relationship thin, I often get so depressed I think I will end up alone and die, and each day and each year I find it harder and harder to get someone, as I say I have only dated and kissed one girl and that was 4 years ago, and now I cant connect with any female, I find pretty much any female I meet gorgeous, be she 16 or 60(really) well the odd woman I dont fat thin chavvy or butch, I think its lonelyness as I even find Lizzie Bardsley beautiful and dating material lol
But put me in front of a female, ideal for me in every way, looks, attitude interests, smile and I will blush and hide and heart beat but get really depressed and focus on bad things and lose the connection it doesnt helt and hurts hugely to see that women no longer flirt with me, if I pass a woman I often hear "ew he looks like a freak" or If I even glance at one they say "what you staring at" or say rude things.
Even guys look at me and laugh, doesnt help im very plain messy hair and glasses, and another problem recently I gained 6 stone in a year despite having a good diet, wheras before I used to live off chinese meals and kebabs and was thin so I get a lot of cruel fat jokes, plus in my other thread I have major BO problems so everything is against me.
PLUS I apply for jobs and despite having excellent references and great qualifications I get turned down for EVERY one, so even though I want to work, chavvy kids get the job which affects my depression even more.
Plus my flatmate owes me £400 and we are living off my uni savings as he still hasnt got his JSA sorted so its even worse!
Plus I have the flat with a broken fridge, fire alarm with electric wires hanging from wall, sewage overflowing from pipes making place smell of poo, seagulls nesting on roof, leaks in roof so every time it rains the place gets flooded and me and flatmate gets regular colds, the damp drips over mains electrical box, most of windows in flat wont open and ones that do have the blue sheet on roof whilst the landlord claims she is waiting for planning permission to fix it(its been 6 months so far)
And bedrooms and kitchen and bathroom so small that its claustrifobic, chavvy pill head neighbours who keep me awake all night with their sex, drugs and music.
Plus they work(illegally) get DLA, sublet and other stuff.
PLUS about half what I buy from Ebay goes missing.
I have terrible depression im lethargic all the time, doesnt matter if I have 18 hours sleep or 8 I feel ill and tired, I slept for 38 hours last week, well apart from about 40 minutes when someone rang door buzzer.
Theres far more to go but my mind has gone blank on that,