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ANOTHER serious topic from me proper advice needed

ryouga Avatar
9y, 4m agoPosted 9 years, 4 months ago
You all notice im a bit of a moaner and complain about what most people find little, but theres a reason behind it all.

Im 25 in a few days and never really had a girlfriend, well had one who I depised, she was VERY ugly, fat, never washed and whinged about cash depsite getting about £600 a month from college and staying rent free and with free food from her parents, she never stayed over and whinged about her all the time.

The last 3 years especially were the worst, at times I have almost had a nervous breakdown, before then I had some women fancy me, used to come up to me when I was out clubbing and dance and flirt and such, yet in last 2 years since my brother was murdered my depression has been bad, before I was just unmotivated now im depressed. And after my brother died my family lost contact with my niece, as her maternal family who were snobs(both in high paid jobs and the mentality a man has to provide for a woman) who hated my brother because he was unemployed called my family scum, and refused us access to my niece and we went through a year of hell with the social work department who were out to get us, and twisted anything that was said about us, from saying we had to get psychological tests done to get access, then refusing to pay for them, then wanting us to travel from Scotland to Manchester and stay overnight and not get paid for it.

My family were called scum by social work staff, and again they went so far twisting things that even when we got a 1 day a month visit once my niece had a cold before we took her out, and they used that as an excuse to only let us visit her in supervised visits.

Also my family were REFUSED to be allowed to adopt, giving excuses like me being at uni, or others worked in full time work.

Yet 8 different familys on their side WERE, and that isnt fair.

And even though the maternal grandparents had arrests for violence and arrests for frauds(and convictions) they were called perfect grandparents despite them calling us scum to our faces in front of social, and us not being able to say anything back as when we once did it was twisted to make us seem bad by social work(as I say they were out to get us)

Eventually the maternal Grandparents adopted her and we were denied any form of contact until shes 16 and only then at her request(shes 5 now) we arent even allowed to know the town she lives in wheras every member of the maternal family is allowed regular contact.

Then after 2 months the maternal grandparents gave her up as they didnt want her, and we werent told, and she was given to another member of that family who never even had psychological tests

Now we are now allowed to send a yearly letter to her, but she wont get them till shes 16, and we are "supposed" to get one back each year from her

The first one was due in June but we never got it, and they claimed we were never told we were allowed to send one, then after much arguing we were allowed to again but each member of my family got an obvious fake letter as each one of us got the same letter word for word with just our name changed and the words uncle/granny/grandad changed and its too grammatically and smart written for any 5 year old and it tells us nothing about her, how she feels etc.

part 2 below

------------------------------

Back to the relationship thin, I often get so depressed I think I will end up alone and die, and each day and each year I find it harder and harder to get someone, as I say I have only dated and kissed one girl and that was 4 years ago, and now I cant connect with any female, I find pretty much any female I meet gorgeous, be she 16 or 60(really) well the odd woman I dont fat thin chavvy or butch, I think its lonelyness as I even find Lizzie Bardsley beautiful and dating material lol

But put me in front of a female, ideal for me in every way, looks, attitude interests, smile and I will blush and hide and heart beat but get really depressed and focus on bad things and lose the connection it doesnt helt and hurts hugely to see that women no longer flirt with me, if I pass a woman I often hear "ew he looks like a freak" or If I even glance at one they say "what you staring at" or say rude things.

Even guys look at me and laugh, doesnt help im very plain messy hair and glasses, and another problem recently I gained 6 stone in a year despite having a good diet, wheras before I used to live off chinese meals and kebabs and was thin so I get a lot of cruel fat jokes, plus in my other thread I have major BO problems so everything is against me.

PLUS I apply for jobs and despite having excellent references and great qualifications I get turned down for EVERY one, so even though I want to work, chavvy kids get the job which affects my depression even more.

Plus my flatmate owes me £400 and we are living off my uni savings as he still hasnt got his JSA sorted so its even worse!

Plus I have the flat with a broken fridge, fire alarm with electric wires hanging from wall, sewage overflowing from pipes making place smell of poo, seagulls nesting on roof, leaks in roof so every time it rains the place gets flooded and me and flatmate gets regular colds, the damp drips over mains electrical box, most of windows in flat wont open and ones that do have the blue sheet on roof whilst the landlord claims she is waiting for planning permission to fix it(its been 6 months so far)

And bedrooms and kitchen and bathroom so small that its claustrifobic, chavvy pill head neighbours who keep me awake all night with their sex, drugs and music.

Plus they work(illegally) get DLA, sublet and other stuff.

PLUS about half what I buy from Ebay goes missing.

I have terrible depression im lethargic all the time, doesnt matter if I have 18 hours sleep or 8 I feel ill and tired, I slept for 38 hours last week, well apart from about 40 minutes when someone rang door buzzer.
Theres far more to go but my mind has gone blank on that,
ryouga Avatar
9y, 4m agoPosted 9 years, 4 months ago
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#1
Wow mate, Thats pretty heart wrenching to read, Hopefully this helps by getting it off your chest.

I really don't know what to say!!

It seems like the worlds against you at the moment, But One by one if you can sort the problems out they'll soon disappear into the past.
#2
Another thing I didnt mention, used to be when I was younger, and up till 2 years ago before my brother died, I could sit down and watch DVD's or VHS or play console games all day, now I have no interest in anything, not even leaving house.

I just sit in front of PC all day and get bored.

Even going on holiday does no good, I just want to come back and dont enjoy it.

I have become a major cynic recently(sp?) I see the world negatively.

Its why I surrounded myself with technology, have about 500 games/dvds/videos, a HDTV, 360, Wii, PS2, PS1, Saturn PC etc and yet dont use them! its more a comfort!

Only good thing is I got myself into uni in september(only about 7 weeks to go)

Hope it all goes well but if I feel the way I do now its not gonna go well. lol but I cant wait!

Also to mention I can no longer go clubbing, for one I dont get drunk and 2 feels stuffy gone are the days where 3 years ago I could go clubbing every Friday and dance with the few friends I had and have a laugh and attract women.

Anyway thats all I can think of lol

I always put a smile on things too.

One last thing is due to stress I always stutter and mumble, I never used to and I speak uber fast.
#3
08457 90 90 90 samaritans:thumbsup:
Talking about it with someone might help you.
#4
Well i see that you complain about money and living in a squalid (sp?) house thats falling to pieces yet youve managed to spend all your money on these electricals. Thats wrong, put your living quality before any electricals

Get a gym membership, a local fitness first perhaps, it'll help you socialise and also de-stress and get in shape

The job thing is the same with me, i never get contacted regarding anything despite having a stellar C.V, so your not alone there

The worst thing about being single is believing you will never find anyone, it happened to me after my 3 year relationship ended but i soon moved on and did find someone, who i am now engaged to

Tell your friend to stop scrounging off you, put your foot down

And sorry to hear about your niece, pretty sad story there mate, hope things get better

P.S the chav thing happens everywhere, sucks to be us honest folk
#5
Thats the thing I love to go to the gym, just dont have the energy to go, I only live 5 or so minutes from local gym its just I dont have the energy to go.

My friend isnt scrounging he just has bad depression himself and hides from it instead of like me telling everyone if I ask him if he has a problem he shouts at me and punches wall.

He isnt scrounging as soon as he gets money from jobcentre he will give me the money he owes me no problem he just get so depressed with having no cash. And that makes me even more depressed.
#6
Why doesnt he get a job?
#7
ryouga
Thats the thing I love to go to the gym, just dont have the energy to go, I only live 5 or so minutes from local gym its just I dont have the energy to go.

My friend isnt scrounging he just has bad depression himself and hides from it instead of like me telling everyone if I ask him if he has a problem he shouts at me and punches wall.

He isnt scrounging as soon as he gets money from jobcentre he will give me the money he owes me no problem he just get so depressed with having no cash. And that makes me even more depressed.


hookers and beer

thats what you guys need

............ or world of warcraft? i mean hell your halfway there might aswell
#8
odriscoll
Why doesnt he get a job?


Like me he trys and trys and gets turned down, and gets pissed off at the world.

I agree why can chavs and lazy people get jobs when people who want to work get turned down!
#9
sorry is this for real or a windup

if its real thats daytime soap material

uncanny your descriptions sound a bit like me!
#10
Theres only one person that can help in a situation like this...










Jeremy Kyle *Cues Music*
#11
noxiousd
hookers and beer

thats what you guys need

............ or world of warcraft? i mean hell your halfway there might aswell

what can i say, yes i feel for you, but noxiousd is right get up, get out, get over it, lifes for living you only get one, and women are not some strange and frightening being, just LIVE
#12
muffin247
sorry is this for real or a windup

if its real thats daytime soap material

uncanny your descriptions sound a bit like me!


Its real which is why its so strange. I mean I know of no other person who has quite so many problems as me which I dont understand.
1 Like #13
i have untapped reservoirs of problems all stacked up neatly in the back of my mind, from drug addicted brother to alcohol abusing mother to £800 rent bill to girlfriend living with me as shes been thrown out to money issues and more

at the end of the day all we have is our smiles..... :)
banned#14
You don't know anyone with so many problems, because, people tend to keep them to themselves.

Is your niece really YOUR problem and are your friends problems really YOUR problems?

Perhaps, you should try and resolve your own problems before trying to sort other peoples.
#15
well said ^^^^!
#16
I am not even going to start off loading my problems now.....anyway they are my business and not yours :giggle:

You do need to talk to someone like the Samaritans or your Doctor or someone like that, you will only find yourself going down in a spiral of ever increasing circles with the World coming in on top of you.

Snap out of it, go for a walk, buy yourself a camera and sell the photos to the press, change of scenery is what's needed and only you can provide that. :thumbsup:

I was there, we were all there at some stage but only we can change our direction keep moving >>>>>>>
#17
This may sound harsh, but it is well intentioned.

You need to get away from your computer, seek professional help and get out more.

You are living in a shell, nobody on any forum can cure your problems, sorry.
#18
Was about to post, those pill heads downstairs have started their music again really loud, and one of them is locked out and pilled up and crying and asking to get in house.
#19
Don't worry about the job. I've got qualifications coming out of my butt, I have my NVQs and I am Microsoft certificated. I've worked for the Learning & Skills Council as IT support to a three figure office base. Yet I have never earned enough to be classified a living wage, for all my efforts to get qualified and better myself. The system is designed to screw you, so now I screw them. I live my life on my terms.
Life is about more than working your nuts off for minimum wage, I can assure you. Remember that. When the right job comes along, it will find you. Just make sure it is something you enjoy doing. Get some prozac from the doctor for the depression. The pills do work. Take no notice of Tom Cruise, he talks bollox. Depression is not something that should be left to it's own devices. It festers and just gets worse.
#20
Totally agree with Scribbles - go and see your doctor and get some help. Depression is a terrible illness that needs to be treated and isn't something that just happens to other people. It's a physical illness (caused by a hormonal imbalance in the brain, brought on by a prolonged or intense period of stress) that needs treating, once you sort out your health, you'll be able to put the rest of your life to order. Your current health problems will be the cause of and made worse by being a recluse. Once you get well, your confidence will return - believe me, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
As for the 'pill-heads' downstairs - it sounds like they have their own problems too -there's nothing wrong with being neighbourly - you never know, they might return the favour - a problem shared, is a problem halved - or, if you can't beat them, join them!

Seriously, go and get some help and good luck!

:-)
[admin]#21
Ryouga going to the gym will increase your energy levels- might be hard work to get motivated but once you're into it, you'll feel miles better. It's a great place to meet people too and you might meet someone special, gain a new circle of friends... it could change your life :)
Try and eat healthily. Go to the doctors about the problem you discussed the other day. Try not to take life so seriously, if you're on a constant downer about everything, you'll make a terrible first impression on new people.

It's tragic what happened to your brother but perhaps it's time to try and move on, if you're struggling to come to terms with things then you might need to see a counsellor.

You start Uni in 6 weeks. Walk in on your first day with your head held high and a smile on your face- try and make an effort to speak to people, no matter how difficult it seems... the first impression you make on your new peers will last :thumbsup:
banned#22
0845 7900909 give this number a ring and get some real proper advice
1 Like #23
dog_cop
0845 7900909 give this number a ring and get some real proper advice

Is that the right number?:?

Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental support,
08457 90 90 90 (UK)
banned#24
dinosteveus
Is that the right number?:?

Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental support,
08457 90 90 90 (UK)


thats the old number.. keeps em hanging on the line saves jumping... AND DINO EITHER EMPTY YOUR BLOODY PM BOX OR READ YOUR GOOLE MAIL FOR GOD SAKE !!!!
#25
i think you need to make a list! serious, i do it all the time, write down all the issues and work through them one by one

learn to deal with the issues you cant change and focus on the ones you can

as for your niece, send letters, if they get returned, keep them, when she is old enough you can give them to her then, least you tried, what more can you do other than follow the correct procedures, you are doing her no good getting in a state over it

see a doctor first, they will help, refer you to a counsellor ect, even possibly get you help you with the neighbour problem if its affecting your health

as for your mate i think you have to be selfish for a while, you have enough stress without him adding to it, tell him this and be firm,

get out, not necessarily clubbing but even walking, fresh air will do you good, doesnt cost anything either

get rid of some of the electrical gadgets, will help towards bills and will give you less reasons to sit inside

stop buying on ebay, you must have the worst postman in the world and you will save money too! sell instead of buy!!
#26
dog_cop
thats the old number.. keeps em hanging on the line saves jumping... AND DINO EITHER EMPTY YOUR BLOODY PM BOX OR READ YOUR GOOLE MAIL FOR GOD SAKE !!!!

OK, Thanks :-D
I replied by Google, don't tell me you ain't got it? Well, yes tell me and I'll resend it. :roll:
1 Like #27
[SIZE=2]Many might disagree with what I have to say. Bourne out of long personal experience. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]You have the classical features of depression. If you broke your leg, you would be happy to accept a plaster cast and crutches to help it heal. Why is depression any different? - Because it is so much more subjective, the symptoms vary much more than a broken leg. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]People spend so much energy looking for other reasons. If more than 3 days a week, life feels like one step forward and two steps back, (wading through treacle), you are on the road to depression. Understand that worrying and being depressed saps you of a huge amount of energy and can be just the same as physical tiredness, a vicious circle then develops, tiredness, lack of motivation.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]The treatment for depression is medication (many other things besides Prozac). Hardest part is getting the motivation to make the appt (can be a struggle, even to those who are well) and then telling the GP exactly how you are feeling and for how long you have been this way. If the GP is not sympathetic or disagrees, keep going back, or see another GP. It takes a lot of tenacity and peristence to see it through. Ironically, this is missing if depressed. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]GP can even refer you for a free 6 week gym assessment to get you started. You need to request it. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]At some stage counselling will also help, (although initially can be very painful, only gets better after a few weeks). [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Should not have one without the other but few people get that far, either due to disinterested GP, or lack of motivation in seeing the treatment through. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]This would be an ideal time to go see your GP, if you start meds now, you will be feeling the benefit by the time you start Uni. [/SIZE][SIZE=2]A lot of people do not realise they take at least 6 weeks to have any effect. You will then get the most out of first few weeks at Uni. Otherwise you may quit 6 months into course. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]You have an illness, get it sorted before you start.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]You can get student counselling but they would be mainly concerned with a variety of student problems and IMO not suitable for clinical depression, although better than nought.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]You clearly have a lot of insight into your problems, to list your tale here. Don't believe that the Uni course is going to solve everything. I hope it makes all your other problems more bearable, meeting new people and socialising more. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Within a few months, you will have the added pleasant stress of Uni work. Get as much sorted now before you start. This is a good start for you, make the most of it. [/SIZE]
#28
Fluoxetine, Prozac, Citapropalam, it's all much of a muchness. The first two are pretty much the same thing, the third is the next stage.
St John's Wart can help for mild depression. See Healthy Direct in Jersey for good prices on that stuff.
#29
Fluoxetine is the generic name for Prozac, so not just "pretty much the same thing" it is the same. Citalopram is not the next stage, it is another one of choice in SSRI group. That is why you need expert help in making these decisions.

St John's Wort (not wart) is a plant extract. IMO suggesting that someone on a restricted budget go buy their own stuff is not going to help here. It is not available on prescription because it the evidence is not yet there to show that it has the right effect.
[mod]#30
St John's Wort can be dangerous to take if you take prescribed anti-depressants. Go to your Dr and seek professional advice. He/She is the best person to talk to.
#31
I think you should take the advice offered here by the majority and get in touch with your GP and Samaritans.

You need help, you may find just discussing your problems with a professional may make you feel better.

Please go and get help.
#32
...and with regards to women... just be yourself, relax and eventually someone'll come along when you least expect it. :)
#33
Scribbles
Fluoxetine, Prozac, Citapropalam, it's all much of a muchness. The first two are pretty much the same thing, the third is the next stage.
St John's Wart can help for mild depression. See Healthy Direct in Jersey for good prices on that stuff.


Just for the record, I thought I made it clear that SJW was not a suppliment to meds. I described it as specifically helpful in cases of mild depression. But my original advice was to seek medical advice.
It's not like you can simply get the prescription meds over the counter. And it certainly isn't like you get a choice as to which meds you get. I was simply outlining the options available to most doctors.
Where is the problem with buying St John's Wart? I suggested a Jersey supplier where you can get six months supply for a tenner :roll:
Any doctor worth his oats would suggest St John's Wart for mild depression anyway, but he certainly wouldn't prescribe it as it is available over the counter, albeit at five times the price in your local pharmacy.
I just wish that people here would stop with the pulling people up on every last word they say :x
I'm just trying to be helpful FFS.
banned#34
You are a long time dead and have plenty of time to turn your life around. Hopefully when you start Uni, things will change. On many occasions previous to this thread you have been advised to seek help.

Nobody can help you until you begin to help yourself.

Stop being the victim and get a life.

Spending all your time whinging about your life on the computer wil do nothing to help.

How can you expect to be of interest to other people when you have nothing positive to talk about.

I speak to many peoply everyday who may not comform to everybody's ideal, but they make a contribution to the world.

Nobodys perfect.

There are many people battling every day with problems and illness.

Some may be dying, others may feel that it is 'the end of world' and they 'have been hit with the ugly stick' just because they have a spot.

Get some perspective, get help and good luck.
#35
fluxetine is prozac....

i had tablets with fluxetine on box with my name on and on tablet said prozac...

like im on peroxetine now its also seroxat.....

advice to the OP. doctor...only way m8...you need meds...all the things ur saying are problems are mainly to do with ur depression. sort that out and the problems will soon dissapear.

look at me....5 year ago i was a hermit...i attempted suicide about 3 times..hated life had problems....college, friends etc....

went to doc 4 ish year ago got on meds etc...

now got a gf of 4 year...a job..car.......but i have more problems now then i did back then.

money struggles....alcoholic mother who also attempted suicide..a suicidal sister......my girlfriends mam has just been diagnosed with liver cancer...

so as much as you think your problems are the end of the world and you think u have the most problems....ur wrong..theres plenty of ppl worse off than you.......ppl die every day appreciate and respect ur life and sort it out...
#36
Well I actually am mr nice guy and listen to everyones problems, why do you think im helping flatmate.

I constantly hear "there are people worse than you" which pisses me off

Yes there is, but no one knows the true me, im a mr nice guy so much everyone walks over me, I help everyone, when I was working in call centre in training I actually helped my trainer as I knew more than him about the system and helped the trainees when they were stuck.

SO I do have a perpsective on life.

If you want to nitpick I also had my shoulder broken when I was 1 by a gang of bullies, was put in bottom classes when I was at school due to being in a council estate and even when I leftwith A's was called not smart by guidance teacher. etc.

Anyway back from Doctor all she said she can do is refer me to councelling which takes about 2 months for first appointment and I asked if there was anything I could take and she said no.

And I havent mentioned about all my problems, my dad has been in intensive care, my gran and grandad almost died of cancer last year.

Money struggles too, snooty relatives who hate us etc.
#37
ryouga
Well I actually am mr nice guy and listen to everyones problems, why do you think im helping flatmate.

I constantly hear "there are people worse than you" which pisses me off

Yes there is, but no one knows the true me, im a mr nice guy so much everyone walks over me, I help everyone, when I was working in call centre in training I actually helped my trainer as I knew more than him about the system and helped the trainees when they were stuck.

SO I do have a perpsective on life.

If you want to nitpick I also had my shoulder broken when I was 1 by a gang of bullies, was put in bottom classes when I was at school due to being in a council estate and even when I leftwith A's was called not smart by guidance teacher. etc.

Anyway back from Doctor all she said she can do is refer me to councelling which takes about 2 months for first appointment and I asked if there was anything I could take and she said no.


No your right - how can anyone on here know the "real you" as you put it? We are typing a response to someone we don't know at all.

You know your too nice -you let people walk all over you - you've said so. I used to be the same. See if you can take a course to toughen you up - assertiveness (cant spell that word!)


As for the Doc - get a second opinion if you are not happy.

Everyone has problems, money, family, work etc - your not the only person to have gone through this - can you maybe find a group you can talk to? Do some self research at home and see if theres any groups you can join full of people in simular situations.
#38
Hi, well firstly winde up or not im going to offer my advice in hope its not a winde up and we/us can help in some way.
When someone suffers with depression, etc the world revolves around them, its a very real illness which does make people look selfish and lazy however its not, its very real and very life altering.Without the correct help both for your depression AND to put things to rest from the past you will not move on past this darkness, and you must because it will end up being your handcuffs of life.
Step Program..
Be totally honest with a doctor, as to see a psychiatrist /CPN who will refer you to relevant help AND can prescribe medication for YOUR needs.A cpn wil come to your home and take you out.Get you out of your 4 walls and of yourself.
St Johns wart must not be taken with prescribed anti depressents.
See a hynotherapist.. some people dnt believe in these however it worked for me in laying things fromthe past to rest. I ADVISE it!
Seek ways to improve yourself/.life without relying on anyone else.Join a group,sports club, ANYTHING to get you involved, I know it may seem hard when your worlds crumbling however one positive step leads to another:-D
Find selfhelp groups online, they are a source of help.
Dont think of WHATS happened and MY PAST..etc Negativity breeds Negativity, replace those thoughts with Positive.
Set a goal and work towards it. RUNNING is very good, it will boost you and release endorphines which will give you that HAPPY elated feeling.
Remember its YOUR life YOU have to make changes in it. Combined with Medication,self help,therapy,positive thinking etc things CAN get better for YOU!... Ok enough said I hope ive not made you all fall asleep!:giggle:
#39
Sure its a CPN the Doctor said for councelling, sounds like what they said.

Im a mixed case, I know the world doesnt revolve around me, though I do think im more special than others due to my unique circumstances, and I try to help everyone.

But if someone acts like the world is all about them I get really angry. and opinionated.
[mod]#40
ryouga
I know the world doesnt revolve around me, though I do think im more special than others due to my unique circumstances


And on that note i think the thread should be locked before the flaming starts.

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