Any advice on how to deal with a lazy 18 year old please?
Hi guys, I have an 18 year old who by all accounts from his school is about to epically fail all his A'levels. This isn't new, his school have been warning us all year and we have been working with them to try to cajole/beg/motivate him to put in more effort. He is a highly intelligent child who is more than capable of getting excellent results and his father and I have struggled hard and gone without to pay for him to have a private school education in the hope that he will go on to get a good degree and a good job. He has offers at 3 top universities based on his previous results but it seems that there is virtually no chance of his achieving the required grades this year to go to any of them, if even passing any of the exams. He insists that he does want to go to university but all he seems to care about at the moment is working as many hours as possible at his part time job so that he can have money to go out with his mates. Up until the past 12 months he very rarely went out and even now respect is not a problem, he does not swear or shout or bring any trouble to the door, he just will not put any effort into his school work at all. If we insist that he does not go out or to work he will sit in his room on the internet or instant messaging (supposed to be working). He seems to think that if he fails then he can just take a gap year, do a bit of college and retake for entry next year but both his father and I are determined that if he fails to get into university this year then he must get himself a full time job immediately and not sit at home doing nothing and claiming benefits. We don't care if it's picking up rubbish, stacking shelves or cleaning toilets as long as he doesn't think that he's going to carry on living the easy life. We also intend to make him pay the going rate in rent etc even if that takes most of his wages. I would very much welcome other peoples advice if they have been through similar or just other peoples opinions about 1) are we planning to be too hard on him (or not hard enough) and 2) what is the going rate for an 18/19 year old to pay in rent etc? Thanks x
Tips for a lazy 35 year old also please. ;-)
- gavjbrown
Top Comments (2)
Remove toys,
Remove money
???????
Profit?
Grow a beard,
Wear Sandals,
Talk in riddles
Prophet?
All Comments (121)
Jump to unread Post a CommentFor the going rate for rent, go on to your local council website, and see what he would get for housing benefit, on the shared room rate. Also look at how much rent is in the area, both for one bedroomed places and shared houses.
Also rent wise 18 or 98 it doesn't matter age wise you do not get a break for being a young adult or an older adult in this world in regards to rent, so as Kitten says check out the local going rate via forums/websites/council/paper etc.
I have plenty of guilt about not suceeding in preventing him from making the biggest mistake of his life but I'm not sure that that's what you're refering to? What do you mean "have you guilt"
You can provide for your kids, but in the end, they have to do it themselves.
Edited By: suchafunkymonkey on May 14, 2012 13:27
Let him live a little - not at your expense, mind - and he can go to uni when he's grown up a bit.
You don't say what his part time job is, but it could be better for him to work his way up in that and become a manager in that job at an early age? It's not the first time I've seen a store manager in retail at 25 years of age on 45k+ so don't dismiss it out of hand.
If there is time, I know this might seem a bit counter productive but maybe get him to quit his part time job and get his to spend that time working on school work, pay him same rate as he gets part time as long as he proves he is doing his work etc. It will cost you a bit atm and may seem like giving him an easy ride but if he passes his exams and goes to uni as planned then it will probably save you and him alot of time, money and stress long term.
Edited By: ZedEx on May 14, 2012 13:33
It seems to me that you are trying to map out his future, let him decide it. he only has himself to blame then, if you push him into something he doesn't want to do then you may feel even worse. Encourage him in what he does want to do (if he has anything)
It seems to me that you are trying to map out his future, let him decide it. he only has himself to blame then, if you push him into something he doesn't want to do then you may feel even worse. Encourage him in what he does want to do (if he has anything)
This. It seems like YOU want him to go to uni, rather than a choice he has made of his own volition. Uni is not the be-all and end-all it once was, and a lot of graduates do nothing with their degrees and end up in call centres. Your son, meanwhile could build up 4 good years of work experience while his mates are studying, and could well be the most employable of his circle when he's 22/23...
1) tell him if he passes and gets into a good uni you will pay for a holiday to anywhere he wants up to a max £xxx.
2) to help him continue studying by giving him £50 - 100/month towards his living expenses.
If that fails i suggest you ask him to get the fux out of your house
If not, do what my dad did when I was in between college and working. Tell him if he is living at home, you expect him to do 8 hours of work around the house.
E.g, paint the house, gardening, helping out granny.
If he doesn't, take away food etc. no money into the house, no money out of the house.
Edited By: greenmachine12 on May 14, 2012 13:50
Remove toys,
Remove money
???????
Profit?
Grow a beard,
Wear Sandals,
Talk in riddles
Prophet?