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any good jokes about

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feeling a bit stressy, could do with a bit of fun, anybody got some good jokes, keep em clean, well clean enough to keep thread open - lol
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banned7y, 5m agoPosted 7 years, 5 months ago
feeling a bit stressy, could do with a bit of fun, anybody got some good jokes, keep em clean, well clean enough to keep thread open - lol
sassie Avatar
banned7y, 5m agoPosted 7 years, 5 months ago
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#1
superman is flying around one day, when he starts to feel a bit naughty and could do with some fun. So he thinks to himself:

"I know what to do! Wonderwoman will probably be in and I havnt seen her for ages and shes always up for a bit of fun"

So he flies down to her house, and using his x-ray vision he checks to see if shes in and sure enough to his amazement shes lying on the bed face up completely naked. He cant believe his look and thinks to himself:

"Oh this is too easy, Im just gunna fly in with my super speed, do my business and fly out before she even notices whats happened"

So sure enough he flies in, gives her a bit of a ''tumble'' and flies back out again all in a second and Wonderman shouts in amazement:

"Jesus Christ what was that!!??"

And the Invisible man says:

"I dunno but my backside is killing me!!"
#2
a man walked into a bar and said ouch :?

whats the diff between a tyre n 365 condoms......ones a Goodyear and the others a hell of a good year
(my fav at the moment lol...i know....sad)
banned#3
manchesterjim
superman is flying around one day, when he starts to feel a bit naughty and could do with some fun. So he thinks to himself:

"I know what to do! Wonderwoman will probably be in and I havnt seen her for ages and shes always up for a bit of fun"

So he flies down to her house, and using his x-ray vision he checks to see if shes in and sure enough to his amazement shes lying on the bed face up completely naked. He cant believe his look and thinks to himself:

"Oh this is too easy, Im just gunna fly in with my super speed, do my business and fly out before she even notices whats happened"

So sure enough he flies in, gives her a bit of a ''tumble'' and flies back out again all in a second and Wonderman shouts in amazement:

"Jesus Christ what was that!!??"

And the Invisible man says:

"I dunno but my backside is killing me!!"


five reads later and finally got it :oops:
#4
manchesterjim
superman is flying around one day, when he starts to feel a bit naughty and could do with some fun. So he thinks to himself:

"I know what to do! Wonderwoman will probably be in and I havnt seen her for ages and shes always up for a bit of fun"

So he flies down to her house, and using his x-ray vision he checks to see if shes in and sure enough to his amazement shes lying on the bed face up completely naked. He cant believe his look and thinks to himself:

"Oh this is too easy, Im just gunna fly in with my super speed, do my business and fly out before she even notices whats happened"

So sure enough he flies in, gives her a bit of a ''tumble'' and flies back out again all in a second and Wonderman shouts in amazement:

"Jesus Christ what was that!!??"

And the Invisible man says:

"I dunno but my backside is killing me!!"


lol!
banned#5
lil_tiger
a man walked into a bar and said ouch :?

whats the diff between a tyre n 365 condoms......ones a Goodyear and the others a hell of a good year
(my fav at the moment lol...i know....sad)


pmsl, was reading as one joke, deffo head in shed night :oops:
#6
Warning. Rude. HERE
#7
man just had sex with his new Girlfriend for the first time....as they lay there she was stroking his B**** for ages......................."you like them huh?" he said...................................................................................................................she replied ............................................................................................................








i just miss mine..

if that too rude tell me and i will delete it...xx
#8
dontdothatagain
Warning. Rude. HERE


lol why would the substitute be twix bars?
#9
manchesterjim;6600823
lol why would the substitute be twix bars?


Knew you'd click the link. :-D
#10
dontdothatagain
Knew you'd click the link. :-D


yeah i slipped and accidently clicked at the same time, and then i was stretching my eyes so just happened to read the joke by accident!
#11
manchesterjim;6600851
yeah i slipped and accidently clicked at the same time, and then i was stretching my eyes so just happened to read the joke by accident!


I dont think they were joking :w00t:
1 Like #12
An Irishman, is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher
baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus..'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again ---
but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus yet?



The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are ya sure dis is where he fell in?'
#13
dontdothatagain
I dont think they were joking :w00t:


lol new recipe for hot chocolate
banned#14
smallkiwi
An Irishman, is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher
baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus..'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again ---
but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus yet?



The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are ya sure dis is where he fell in?'


thank you, that did really make me laugh:thumbsup:
#15
manchesterjim;6600939
lol new recipe for hot chocolate


:w00t::santa:
#16
researchers have found that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia.




hwoeevr tihs si olny in etxreem csaes of slef aubse.
#17
A man fell into an upholstering machine earlier today.Fortunately, by some miracle, the man was pulled out alive.





























He's now fully recovered.
#18
This guy really, really wanted to commit suicide.

So he jumped in front of a train.

He was chuffed to bits.
#19
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.


Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working
at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school
to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where
he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'


The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'
#20
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and slim. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
#21
jtx
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and slim. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"


:giggle:
banned#22
gonna read this tomoorw, far to long, stressed head doesnt read anything over a few lines, but thanks guys xxx
#23
jtx
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.


Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working
at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school
to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where
he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'


The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'




brilliant....lmao

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