Anyone know any kids jokes? - HotUKDeals
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Anyone know any kids jokes?

Mrs.Z Avatar
8y, 1w agoPosted 8 years, 1 week ago
Nice, short, INNOCENT ones?

Like what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonkey!
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Mrs.Z Avatar
8y, 1w agoPosted 8 years, 1 week ago
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#1
whats white, black and red all over..... a newspaper




(read...as in you read it...as in...oh forget it.)
#2
why does a golfer always have a spare pair of pants.....he might get a hole in one...
#3
whats a snakes favourite subject ?

hissssssstory

why are fish clever ?

because they live in schools
#4
3 prostitutes walk into a bar........

edit: never mind
#5
Why did the banana go to the doctors........................ cos he wasn't peeling well :-D

Why are pirates called pirates?? ............................... cos they arrrrghhhhhh :thumbsup:
#6
Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I ****** in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
#7
What kind of hair do oceans have ?
Wavy !

What runs but never walks ?
Water !

How do you make milk shake ?
Give it a good scare !

What's red and flies and wobbles at the same time ?
A jelly copter !
#8
What do you call a fish with no eyes??

Fsh
#9
What does a cow do for fun?
Goes to the Moo-ovies

Where does a sheep get it's hair cut?
The Baa-bers
#10
what goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill

what goes black and white and round and round?
A penguin in a revolving door

What is a penguins favourite food?
Ice Burgers

How do penguins like their drinks?
On the rocks

What is black and white and goes Boo?
A cow with a cold!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No i dea (idea/eye deer)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
still no idea
#11
What's green and hangs off trees?

Giraffe snot!
#12
Why isn't cinderella any good at football?

Coz she keeps on running away from the ball :-D
banned#13
whats yellow and dangerous ??

shark infested custard !!!


lol, x
#14
an englishman, scotsman, irish, jew, priest, blindman, plumber, locksmith, horse, chicken, pig, american, australian all walked into a pub. barman says, "is this some kind of joke?"
#15
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
Santa Clues !

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !


What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !


Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !


What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?


What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
#16
what do you call two robbers?
a pair of knickers
#17
What do u call a woman tennis player ?


Annette

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