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Are you staying with a Violent Partner but to scared to leave and have kids?? what to do?

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are you one of the above. how do you deal with them when they start are you the argumentative type that argues back and makes things worse? do you like to have the last word? just want your v…
logyon Avatar
banned8y, 6m agoPosted 8 years, 6 months ago
are you one of the above.

how do you deal with them when they start
are you the argumentative type that argues back
and makes things worse?
do you like to have the last word?

just want your views on this topic and how people deal with it
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logyon Avatar
banned8y, 6m agoPosted 8 years, 6 months ago
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#1
i had this problem but when i was younger no kids, he tried pushing me out in the road a few times, followed me around, told me what i could and couldnt wear, when i tried to break it off he overdosed leaving me feeling bad and i ended up back with him, but me mum found us out the front while he was fighting me, and she came over punched him in the face and that was the end of him, well he still followed me around but i got escorted everywhere by friends and family, so they saved me really
#2
Not a personal experience but there are plenty of organisations that can support anyone who is in this position. I would always remove myself from a volent partner, no one should be hurt because of an inability by either party to rationally resolve problems...arguments are one thing, violence is another and is not acceptable.

The first step I'd take is to call the local police and ask to speak to the domestic violence officer...this doesn't mean the partner is being reported it's simply a way of accessing support. Our local authority have a Domestic Violence Accommodation Project which supports re-housing, including the kids, I believe most local authrities have the same, this makes it easier for those not wanting to speak with the police.

Victim Support is another way of getting help...again no police if that's a problem.

Once support is there it opens up the future.....
#3
The Plod
Not a personal experience but there are plenty of organisations that can support anyone who is in this position. I would always remove myself from a volent partner, no one should be hurt because of an inability by either party to rationally resolve problems...arguments are one thing, violence is another and is not acceptable.

The first step I'd take is to call the local police and ask to speak to the domestic violence officer...this doesn't mean the partner is being reported it's simply a way of accessing support. Our local authority have a Domestic Violence Accommodation Project which supports re-housing, including the kids, I believe most local authrities have the same, this makes it easier for those not wanting to speak with the police.

Victim Support is another way of getting help...again no police if that's a problem.

Once support is there it opens up the future.....


Sometimes removing yourself from such a situation is easier said than done.
#4
fireheaven
Sometimes removing yourself from such a situation is easier said than done.


Absolutely, which is why getting support to decide what it is you want to do with an understanding of the options is important, none of the support agencies tell you what to do, they simply signpost the options. Without knowing these exist and without having support is what makes the move away hard...I'm no expert but I have seen them in action and they're worth their weight in gold.
#5
was living with a violent partner for 6 years from 15 - 21
had 2 children together,i felt dependant on him and i felt unloved and very alone
he was a bully and i lost all my self confidence,i became very depressed and lost alot of my hair.
i didnt have the strength to leave and was scared of the change,
for some reason he used to throw me out and i would wonder around for a few hours then return home and beg to be let in,i suppose it made him feel superior and in control
he threw us all out when i was 21 and i got a place of my own,he asked for me back many times but by then i had realised why i was so ill and how it had affected our children
in a way i feel sorry for him a bit as was his own insecuritys that he took out on me,he felt bad about himself so made me feel the same,didnt bother to stand up to him he was 20 stone anyway i wouldnt of stood a chance plus i never have liked arguments
i will never be the person i was bubbly,outgoing but in a way it changed me for the better
banned#6
am 22 hes 37 and my little one is 20mnths, shes started hitting at everyone as hes done it to me and i do it back, ave been on depressions tablets since 4 months after my daughter was born,

i dont think i need them but they cam me down. i dont get so agressive and i dont argue bue must of been 6 months after she was born he started to hit me once of twice but now ave got an agressive tone didnt used to bit but now i do if he makes coments at me calls me names ect that i told him what they used to call me and he uses that aggenst me and he thinks its funny laffs at me and i get annoyed and go for him, and thn i get hit back.

he did it tonight when he come home cos i fell out on him as he started work at 5 30 and i had to get up at 4 this morning ot make sure he had a clean shirt on and he had his lunch and he expects me to iron his shirts make his lunch get up with him and then do all the house work an then go to work in the evening for 3 and organise hours and work to get my parents to look after my daughter as he wont do it and doesn't expect to either , he only wants to deal with her when he wants too. he drinks or did about 12 to 16 cans 2 days a week and binges then lay in all day in a Sunday when i went to work and he was left to look after my daughter but he just tried to passify her and feed her milk and toast all day.

i dont want to give up work and am scared to leave him he pays all the bills and i give him 125 a month but he always thrws at me when i try my best in the flat that am a lazy B888888! and to give him more money but only work 16 hrs and get 380 and dont see why i should give hm more money! am scared to leave him as i can go back to my family but only for so long before i had to get ahouse and i cant afford anything! and am already in debt of 170 to lloyds tsb and rbs 250

any i dont konw what to do , is he going to change is he going to snap out am i the problem vbecuae i want have the last word and wont back down, is it my fault that iget hit as he said i deserve getting beat up hes got a new job doing security but if he looses it he said he would kill me and if he couldnt find me he would kill my mum, ok my mum got drink problem but shes is trying to sort that out and he always throws that in my face, go back for you alkie mum or your not letting my daughter see her and i just get stressed out,

i have styies and am basically living on about 8 to 9 hours sleep borken in to 12 to 4am then 5 to 10AM
banned#7
you need this to stop or remove yourselves form the equasion, you will manage if you leave him, the same as every other sngle parent does, do not allow your child to grow up in these conditions
#8
u have my msn?
feel free to speak to me on that
i know what u are going through
i am also on anxiety tablets and we split up 10 years ago
my mum is a p**** head always has been was glad to get away from her thats why i moved in with him at 15
#9
sassie is right

Im sorry you are in this situation i have been with a violent partner when i was 15-19 years old
we started off great then as time went on he became possesive and jealous, telling me what to wear who to be friends with etc, i never listened and it came to ahead one day and he hit me i dont condone violence but i hit him with a vase and walked out of our home on to a bus all the way to my parents and never went back i got my mom to get my stuff and never ever got all of it back but it was worth it
the first time is NEVER the last time its just the begining of things to come i thank god i got out when i did and now happily engaged to my wonderful man and our first bubba is due any day now

there is life after this you just have to find the strength to leave
#10
You can't do this alone...but you must do something. Please contact Victim Support..they will help. Remember if he is violent to you what will he do to your daughter as she gets older?

Victim Support are in all phone books, so whatever area you live in you can make that call...good luck...let us know how you get on! You have HUKD'ers support.
#11
The Plod
You can't do this alone...but you must do something. Please contact Victim Support..they will help. Remember if he is violent to you what will he do to your daughter as she gets older?

Victim Support are in all phone books, so whatever area you live in you can make that call...good luck...let us know how you get on! You have HUKD'ers support.


i have to disagree with a bit of that
my ex has never shown any aggression to our children and has them every weekend he doesnt even tell them off
banned#12
The Plod
You can't do this alone...but you must do something. Please contact Victim Support..they will help. Remember if he is violent to you what will he do to your daughter as she gets older?

Victim Support are in all phone books, so whatever area you live in you can make that call...good luck...let us know how you get on! You have HUKD'ers support.


well are you oing to offer the same advice to the op about her violence, this isnt one way here, are you suggesting she will hurt the child too? not all aggressive partners hit their children
#13
clear you inbox logyon :thumbsup:
banned#14
I feel for all of you in these situations.

My dad was a bully and my mum left him when i was 10 years old.

It taught me a lot and i have always left if a man became aggressive towards me.

I deserve to be loved and treated with respect.

Please contact:-

[url]www.refuge.org.uk[/url]

They were excellent with me and my mum.
banned#15
[SIZE="3"]0808 2000 247

Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline

(run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge)[/SIZE]
#16
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 (New King James Version)

Abuse is not love, nor is violence, intolerance or gradual degradation and stripping of self worth. Any partner in this situation needs to seek the truth from outside the relationship and especially if there are children involved. They are sponges who absorb far more than we'll ever realise and have repercussions later in life if they view that as love or how to be treat others. Get out, stay out and look forward to love as it should be. Seek the help and strength you need to leave by knowing it's wrong and the only way to help the defective partner is for them to see it when you stand it no more. Thanks to all those who man the helplines and care enough for those in these situations.
#17
Please make a move forward. Speak to your doctor - they will put you in touch with relevant places and offer you support if you're not ready to phone the help lines. You will get help with housing, help with rent etc, especially as a sing;e mum with young child. Yes its hard but you have a family who can assist with childcare so you can start getting on with your life. you deserve better and can get better, and you need to get your self respect back - My ex was a control freak and is still trying to control my life and get me to go back with him...want violent, just mental abuse and cheating but it took its toll on me. IIt took me 2 years to go to docs and get tablets and still havent phoned the councillors to discuss my issues, I will because i believe it will help, just take each day at a time though and look at all the positives you achieve, not the negatives he keeps going on about, its him that has the issues and there is no point you dragging yourself down by staying with hm. People like this destroy their partners and btter to get out and regain self respect.

Hope that makes sense?
1 Like #18
Sorry to post this poem. I recited it in a show a couple of years ago, and it had impacted on my life so so much, I was in a relationship once where the guy hit me a couple of times, thankfully I was only with him for a matter of months. I was 16/17 and he was 22. I have since found out his was a very very abusive person, and I am glad I got out of that relationship early.

I got flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday
or any special day.
We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary
or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day
or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.
banned#19
Kitten13
Sorry to post this poem. I recited it in a show a couple of years ago, and it had impacted on my life so so much, I was in a relationship once where the guy hit me a couple of times, thankfully I was only with him for a matter of months. I was 16/17 and he was 22. I have since found out his was a very very abusive person, and I am glad I got out of that relationship early.

I got flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday
or any special day.
We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary
or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day
or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.


Rep to you for such a great poem x x
banned#20
bleedin hell, one hell of a poem, actually brought tears to my eyes and a cold shiver down my neck
#21
wow.... that poem is eery .....but truth isnt always all roses ...
#22
I have no idea who wrote the poem, but a hell of alot of people claim to have written it. I love that poem bizzarley enough, but then again I believe that poetry should create some sort of emotion be it good or bad.

I hope anyone in the auwful situation can find the strength to get help and away from their abusive partner. Men are as at much risk as women with living with an abusive partner, and need just as much support.

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