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Bahhhh hum bug family problems at xmas

Mardyass Avatar
7y, 11m agoPosted 7 years, 11 months ago
what a pain,to cut a very long story short I blew my top at my mother in law back in June,years worth of little niggles that I had bottled up all came out at once and we have barely spoken since.

I told hubby that I dont want anything more to do with it,i will be polite but thats it

Now we have been invited over there on xmas eve,i have an op booked for the 23rd which is a day thing so will be home in time but i just dont want to go,I dont get on with any of hubbys family and he will be working late xmas eve so im expected to take the kids myself.
I spoke to hubby told him i would not be going,wve been invited to my dads boxing day and now hubby doesnt know if he wants to go cos i wont go to his mums! fair do's i dont mind going to my dads on my own

I think my hubby thinks i might back down what with it being xmas but im not,this time im gonna stand my ground but ive got a feeling its gonna cause awful problems over xmas

anyone else in a sticky situation this xmas?
Mardyass Avatar
7y, 11m agoPosted 7 years, 11 months ago
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banned#1
I'm alway's in a sticky situation :roll:
#2
sit in on your own with a bottle of vodka
#3
Oh dear - not a good start

Maybe MIL wants to try and patch things up - especially at this time of year - goodwill to all etc etc ?

I'm not really looking forward to Xmas day - visiting Mother in a nursing home, but it's got to be done.

Hope it al works out for you - sounds like you need some good cheer

EliTom
#4
No one has ever yet questioned how i get 'the flu' at the same time every year, sit and watch bond eating mingles on me own then get a dinner brung back haha
#5
I think my hubby thinks i might back down what with it being xmas but im not,this time im gonna stand my ground but ive got a feeling its gonna cause awful problems over xmas

anyone else in a sticky situation this xmas?



Yeah me and my mates.

http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/236/490664091flypaperkq7.jpg
#6
swallow your pride and go, for your husband and for the kids sakes I'm sure you can manage to be civil for a couple of hours.
#7
Why not give her 'one last chance'? Otherwise it's your OH that will suffer.
#8
If you go drink heaps say what every you want to say then you might get lucky and she will tell you to leave lol.

On a serious side. Say to your husband that he can go to his mums himself and you will go to your dads yourself that way everyone is a winner.
#9
went to my mother in laws house about a week ago, i bought her a photo frame with pictures of my partner and our daughter (last crimbo), she replaced one of the pictures with my partner and his ex lol, i managed not to say anything, so im not going round there now being 8months pregnant dont think i will be able to hold back
#10
kungfu
No one has ever yet questioned how i get 'the flu' at the same time every year, sit and watch bond eating mingles on me own then get a dinner brung back haha

Brought, not brung! Can tell your a smoggie! Drives me crackers!
suspended#11
aww poor you ..... been there done that ... now divorced :w00t:


my advice ... dont go

just cos its christmas dont mean you have to pretend to like someone ... in fact if anyone came to mine when they didnt really wanna be here ... well... id hate that ... if his muva gets on ya wick... just tell ya partner to take the kids over himself... and say your not feelin too hot after ya op :)
if he wants to play ignorant and not go to ya dads just cos your not goin to his mums .. so what? ... christmas is ment to be a happy time ... dont let anoying family members ruin it for ya hunny .. either that or divorce em like i did lool joke xx :-D
#12
Lulu'sMammy
Brought, not brung! Can tell your a smoggie! Drives me crackers!


Eston hooaz ftw :thumbsup:
#13
dontasciime;3797738
Yeah me and my mates.


wtf why the pic?.............
#14
Don't fall out with your hubby over it, it's not worth it. I would go and then if MIL started when I got there i would tell her where to stick it but at least in your husbands eyes you made the effort. Don't let her cause problems between you two as I am sure she would love that and may even be why she has asked you...
#15
babyxxxxx
went to my mother in laws house about a week ago, i bought her a photo frame with pictures of my partner and our daughter (last crimbo), she replaced one of the pictures with my partner and his ex lol, i managed not to say anything, so im not going round there now being 8months pregnant dont think i will be able to hold back


thats awful remember a few years back my partners step mother used to get family photos out and make sure she gave the kids pictures of there dad with his exs so they would show me i used to get really angry about it but you know it is all petty.
#16
kungfu
Eston hooaz ftw :thumbsup:

Dont get it! Ftw!
#17
i love eastenders at xmas...........
#18
Make Up
#19
babyxxxxx
went to my mother in laws house about a week ago, i bought her a photo frame with pictures of my partner and our daughter (last crimbo), she replaced one of the pictures with my partner and his ex lol, i managed not to say anything, so im not going round there now being 8months pregnant dont think i will be able to hold back


Wow that just plane nasty, im lukcy i get treated like royalty at my oh house.
#20
yeah make up, be the first to come forward and offer the olive branch
#21
phatboy123
wtf why the pic?.............


cos Mardyass asked if anyone else was in a sticky situation....keep up :roll:
#22
I had similar probs with my inlaws. It was only after his mother really upset me when I was very poorly did my husband notice that there was a problem, when his parents started moaning about me, he stood up for me andf then they turned on him, he was really surprised, he had no idea what had been going on for years. I told him everything and he was upset I hadnt said anything sooner.
They tried to get him to apologise and he refused, he has not spoken to them since.

Maybe you need to explain what has been going on and how it makes you feel, it gives him a chance to stand up for you,

good luck :)
#23
dont go i have a mil and a fil g/f from hell some days i wonder who is worse!!

i will be trying to wing a sicky boxing day :thumbsup:

as for the fil i dont go there and its made very clear shes not welcome here!! im already having a bad day so i refuse to think about her any more :lol:
#24
DLM
I'm alway's in a sticky situation :roll:


pics or gtfo
#25
mardyass, i have had this problem myself i got sick of his stepmother and older sisters coming round with there kids and wrecking my home in the end i had a row with one of his sisters because she wouldnt stop her son scrapping toy cars across my soft pine table. his dad used to still come around and his stepmum used to sit in the car outside the house but you know after about 10months they came round again except this time they had more respect i now get on with them it has taken 10 years but they all tryed it on and looked at my home as if it was his and not mine well they now realise we bought it together and my partner made it very clear to them that if they wasnt going to respect me then they wasnt welcome. anyway i think you should go round to his mothers i think she has probably learnt her lesson and will be as nice as pie with you. goodluck whatever you decide but dont let anything ruin you xmas.
#26
you can't get the day back if it all goes wrong so you are better standing your ground. i have the same thing every year at new year, he wants to go to his sisters house where it is bedlam and i just want to sit in my own house in peace, kids in bed and a drink in the hand!! last year he went himself and came home 20 mins before the bells, suited me fine!
#27
I'd suggest you go, I know it's not easy and all that but younever know she may be offering you an olive branch ? If not, at least you have made the effort and tried and cannot be name called etc. for not going.

Families hey ??!!!

Hope it all works out ok for you what ever route you decide to take :santa:
#28
Please put your love for your husband ahead of any animosity you feel for his Mum, and go with an open heart to see them. Carrying around anger only eats away at you and causes you more harm, if you go there with the intention of building a bridge and she is the one that destroys it, then you've been the better person for at least being willing and your relationship is only harmed between your mother in law and yourself, not the most important one, that being you and your husband. Please go, and perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised. I hope so.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and all goes well with the op.
1 Like #29
Everyone has a story, most are all to do with:

'Aunt Ann' doesn't get on with 'Uncle John', (because of the 'incident - which we dont talk about and everyone pretends they don't know about).

'brother in law Alan' can't be left alone or sit next to 'his wifes brother - Paul', (because of last year)

'Elle' won't be there without 'Gary' So everyone has to be nice to 'Gary' although everyone hates him.

'Father in law Jim' can't be allowed to have any more than 4 beers or 4 wines (but not combined) otherwise he will talk about the 'Aunt Ann' and 'Uncle John' 'incident' or lamp 'Gary'.

'Sister Meg' won't be there if 'Uncle Joe' is there because of what he did to the pet rabbit 'Bouncer' 2 years ago.

'Grandad Mick' can't stay there after 7pm & 'Brother Simon' can't get there until 8pm. - so dinner is two sittings.

Familys at christmas are usually messy. - but i love it!
#30
ifyoudontask?
Everyone has a story, most are all to do with:

'Aunt Ann' doesn't get on with 'Uncle John', (because of the 'incident - which we dont talk about and everyone pretends they don't know about).

'brother in law Alan' can't be left alone or sit next to 'his wifes brother - Paul', (because of last year)

'Elle' won't be there without 'Gary' So everyone has to be nice to 'Gary' although everyone hates him.

'Father in law Jim' can't be allowed to have any more than 4 beers or 4 wines (but not combined) otherwise he will talk about the 'Aunt Ann' and 'Uncle John' 'incident' or lamp 'Gary'.

'Sister Meg' won't be there if 'Uncle Joe' is there because of what he did to the pet rabbit 'Bouncer' 2 years ago.

'Grandad Mick' can't stay there after 7pm & 'Brother Simon' can't get there until 8pm. - so dinner is two sittings.

Familys at christmas are usually messy. - but i love it!


:giggle: :giggle:

Brilliant ! Love it !! :santa:
#31
ifyoudontask?
Everyone has a story, most are all to do with:

'Aunt Ann' doesn't get on with 'Uncle John', (because of the 'incident - which we dont talk about and everyone pretends they don't know about).

'brother in law Alan' can't be left alone or sit next to 'his wifes brother - Paul', (because of last year)

'Elle' won't be there without 'Gary' So everyone has to be nice to 'Gary' although everyone hates him.

'Father in law Jim' can't be allowed to have any more than 4 beers or 4 wines (but not combined) otherwise he will talk about the 'Aunt Ann' and 'Uncle John' 'incident' or lamp 'Gary'.

'Sister Meg' won't be there if 'Uncle Joe' is there because of what he did to the pet rabbit 'Bouncer' 2 years ago.

'Grandad Mick' can't stay there after 7pm & 'Brother Simon' can't get there until 8pm. - so dinner is two sittings.

Familys at christmas are usually messy. - but i love it!




CLASSIC :w00t:
#32
suze
:giggle: :giggle:

Brilliant ! Love it !! :santa:


Obviously this is not based on a true story and the names have been changed to protect the guilty ! :thumbsup:
#33
oh i dunno thing is i put up with 10 years of keeping my mouth shut and not disturbing the peace and it niggled and ate away,she seems worse towards me if hubby isnt about and deep down i think she creates these situations so hubby and i argue about it

The other side of the coin is i have 4 kids,2 from a previous relationship that hubby has brung up as his own,his family canot accept that and the boys get left out,they do not want to go to his mothers either,theyre 14 and 16 and i understand their reasons fully.
Yesterday for example hubby is working away and his mother came in,its an awful atmosphere when shes here cos i barely make conversation with her and have my back up ready for the next arguement,anyways she had a bag with 2 doughnuts inside one for each of HER grandchildren,son came downstairs and asked where his was,had to tell him i would go to the shop and get him one,silly as it might seem over a doughnut it really pees me off!
#34
berni888
Please put your love for your husband ahead of any animosity you feel for his Mum, and go with an open heart to see them. Carrying around anger only eats away at you and causes you more harm, if you go there with the intention of building a bridge and she is the one that destroys it, then you've been the better person for at least being willing and your relationship is only harmed between your mother in law and yourself, not the most important one, that being you and your husband. Please go, and perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised. I hope so.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and all goes well with the op.


These are wise words. If you try to make peace, you can't be blamed if it doesn't work out - at least you've tried. Maybe get hubby to drive so you can relax with a drink, also limit the time by deciding with him the time you will arrive & leave so you know exactly how long you have to remain on your "bestest" behaviour!
Good luck! :thumbsup:
#35
Mardyass
oh i dunno thing is i put up with 10 years of keeping my mouth shut and not disturbing the peace and it niggled and ate away,she seems worse towards me if hubby isnt about and deep down i think she creates these situations so hubby and i argue about it

The other side of the coin is i have 4 kids,2 from a previous relationship that hubby has brung up as his own,his family canot accept that and the boys get left out,they do not want to go to his mothers either,theyre 14 and 16 and i understand their reasons fully.
Yesterday for example hubby is working away and his mother came in,its an awful atmosphere when shes here cos i barely make conversation with her and have my back up ready for the next arguement,anyways she had a bag with 2 doughnuts inside one for each of HER grandchildren,son came downstairs and asked where his was,had to tell him i would go to the shop and get him one,silly as it might seem over a doughnut it really pees me off!




I really think you have to be honest with your husband and let him know just how hurt you are, and how hurt your two older boys, I am sure he wouldnt want any of you to be that upset over a visit, he may even be able to speak to his mother and be firm telling her that if she doesnt change she will not be able to see any of the kids. I know how hard it is and its difficult telling someone that their parents are just mean, but its better to work as a team with your husband than be pulling aprt at Christmas. It just ends up with you two fighting and resentment building up, :friends:
#36
I have spoken to him quite a few times now about the "my boys" situation he knows there is a problem there with his family over the boys and has spoken to them about it but nothing changed,it makes me feel hurt because theyre all over the 2 girls and leave the boys out and im expected to sit back and let it go on,mind you theyre at that age now where they just dont want to go round there anymore and i cant say i blame them one bit
#37
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.

Do what you WANT to do, not what you have to. Stay at home and enjoy xmas eve with the kids. I love our nights in xmas eve, mum would always put the muppets christmas carol on and other christmas films with popcorn, chocolate and everything else yummy. Infact we still do this, i'm 23, two brothers are 22,21 and we still get togeather for the movie marathon!

And while you at it pm your mil address, i'll set the cow straight for you.
#38
i like xmas eve too,usually bang out some christmas carols,have a few drinks and have silly daft time with the kids,im not missing that for anybody!

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