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Calling Mums & Dads, what would you do?

pcnutta Avatar
9y, 1m agoPosted 9 years, 1 month ago
My little boy whos 6 was born with one testical, and they have done xrays and most recent a MRI scan.Which revealed it wasnt there at all.
Now the doctors told me, they would do a cosmetic operation to make it seem like hes got one.I was told they would send for him when hes about 7yrs old. I had the letter this morning. Hes to see specialist on Tuesday next week and my gut feeling is i dont want him to have cosmetic surgery. I feel he should decide when hes older as to have it. The thought of putting my asthmatic son under anesthetic for a non emergency op just terrifys me.
I dont think im being over protective?:thinking: Surly im thinking of my sons interest... My family have mixed opinions over this... What would YOU do?
pcnutta Avatar
9y, 1m agoPosted 9 years, 1 month ago

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1 Like #1
ummmm tough one

is it purely cosmetic? no medical reason for it whatsoever?
1 Like #2
A difficult situation, having 3 sons i personally feel that he should make the decision when he is old enough to understand the benefit/risks. hope that helps a little xx
1 Like #3
i plain and simple wouldnt do it. although, there is not much discomfort as my step son had an op for a hernia type cyst in his groin and it didnt slow him down one bit. it just depends on how you feel personally about the going under part.
nope, no medical reason at all, if the tescical was somewhere else then they would HAVE to move it, but they have scanned thoroughly and its not there.

Toughie eh.
|With his asthma i feel they should let him GROW more..
[helper] 1 Like #5
Go and see the specialist and talk it over with him. You don't have to go through with the op if you don't want to and you won't be wasting his time by discussing it with him. He may come up with a valid reason for going ahead with it.

They suggested we got our 2 year olds tonsils out (due to sleep apnea) and because of her age she would have to go to a larger hospital with a specialist intensive care unit for children (in case of complications). Neither my wife or I was comfortable with going ahead, so we didn't.

See the doc (it may just be a local aneasthetic he needs) then have a think about it. You'll be in a more informed position at that stage.
i'd say no then if it was one of my boys, its not a defect that can be seen to get teased about, more a personal decision imo :)
1 Like #7
I'd have the op done, the scar will heal up quicker/neater when he's younger than if he was early teens etc, so less noticeable when he's with girls...

Does he actually have a testicle but its ingrowing?, post is confusing!
Might not be seen, but it'll get mentioned I'm sure...

Funnily enough, someone at work talked about his mate having this problem the other day and he had the cosmetic surgery. Then, few years later, it dropped and he now has 3 (won't remove it as he sees it as a party piece).
1 Like #9
Go to the specialist.

Don't just say no while you have a totally uninformed opinion of it.
Its fine saying wait till he's older, but it could affect him by then.
Could hold him back, get bullied (kids are cruel) make him scared of girls in his teen years and have a negative effect on his social skills.
About the asthma, i doubt they would be recommending it if there was a serious risk to him.

It's most likely very simple and the specialist will give you a lot of far better advice than you will find here.
At least see him, and then make up your mind.
Mind and explain your apprehensions to him so he can explain fully.
But does this lad only have one testicle altogether or just one dangling and one thats sort of growing in rather than dropping out?
1 Like #11
Being a mum myself, id leave it until hes old enough to make his own decision :)
Im going to have to, as i dont want them bamboozling me into doing what THEY want. I want whats best for my son.

Iom - No hun the testical isnt there, they did normal xray THEN did mri scan to test deeper and they saying its definatly not there.
But does this lad only have one testicle altogether or just one dangling and one thats sort of growing in rather than dropping out?

One fully out and nothing on the other side.So testical A tends to stay central of really isnt noticable.
i wouldnt have it done , lets face it thats a pretty ugly place even when you have 2 so being down 1 wont be noticed and isnt a reason to be rejected by future partners , to me it seems totally pointless and no-one will gain
i knew a bloke with only 1 once, really wasnt a problem :oops:
Iom - No hun the testical isnt there, they did normal xray THEN did mri scan to test deeper and they saying its definatly not there.

So no testicles whatsoever?, Hmm, I'd have to say leave it then as if its done now he'd either need adult sized testicles to save doing the job later so if it was done at the moment he'd stand out from the crowd a bit i'd imagine (not to mention underwear would be a tricky fit!)

Hang on is there one dangly?
i wouldnt have it done , lets face it thats a pretty ugly place even when you have 2 so being down 1 wont be noticed and isnt a reason to be rejected by future partners , to me it seems totally pointless and no-one will gain

hehhe yeah he got one, just one missing.
I think im gonna leave him as he is, tell him hes special! then he can decide later on if he wants it done for cosmetic reasons.
[mod] 1 Like #19
If it was one of my two i wouldn't go through with it as i don't think it's that big a deal. 1000's of people lose them to cancer anyway.

Good luck with whatever you decide. x
hehhe yeah he got one, just one missing.
I think im gonna leave him as he is, tell him hes special! then he can decide later on if he wants it done for cosmetic reasons.

Right so he's got one?, meh thats enough, could always say it was a football accident or something.
Thanks all, its backed up my thoughts and views. Its my choice and they will have to accept that. Cheers xxx
1 Like #22
Tough one.

Firstly as other OP's have said there is no harm in seeing the specialist and asking lots of questions.

Some observations

Having one ball is not that uncommon. some fail to descend till later years, some get twisted in the womb and have to be removed. (this next bit is copied and pasted!)In about 5% of boys, one testicle doesn’t make the journey from the back of the abdomen to the scrotum before birth. Instead, it becomes stuck inside the abdomen or at the groin. This why it is called ‘undescended testicle’. No one knows why it happens. For unknown reasons, it is commonest in babies born in March/April. It is also common in premature babies (Surgery 2004;22:252 –5).

Whichever way you go the most important thing is to protect your child and letting as few people as possible know about his predicament. There are obvious songs which refer to this misfortune which I will not mention here.

Will the operation leave any scarring? If so will it be obvious to others and hence draw the question - why have you got a scar?

Personally if this is a one off operation and can be done in later years I would wait till he is older and let him make his own mind up. Just like I did when I was 13 and refused to have a brace put on my teeth at 14 or 15 - waited till I was 30 to do it!!
big hugs for the little man from Bitsey xxx
So i guess i was wrong giving him the nick name oddball then ;) lol
Could have been worse. ;-)

Factually its correct though:w00t:
1 Like #26
i'd leave it, but talk openly about it to him but not necessarily about it to others outside of your immediate family unit, to limit the amount of those who could tease.
two reasons for this, he's young and still growing and developing - not saying one will miraculously appear but his body will change and the 'fake' one may then need altering or adjustment in the future. i do think people get pressurised into action when waiting wouldn't harm. second i saw what anesthetic did to my dads breathing i know there's a dramatic age difference but it would worry me all the same.
that's my opinion as a mum, if i were a dad maybe it would be different, i don't know.
sorry you have to make this decision my boy is 6 also and the worry of choosing the right option for him must weigh heavy.

Seeing as you're asking for opinions, here are my two cents :)

Do not underestimate the insecurity being 'different' can breed in a child - even with the most nurturing, reassuring family, there will always be a majority of people who seek to ridicule those who aren't quite the same, somehow. Especially kids! And let's face it, athough it's not there 'on view' kids still have the opportunity to notice these differences (getting changed for swimming lessons at school, for instance). Infact, many kids like to talk about their bodies (or ever show/look)... this might lead to anxiety in wanting to hide his difference, or make him a target if he doesn't hide it/is discovered. This is all before puberty hits and his thoughts turn to girls and being scared of them discovering his condition. Will they keep it to themselves, or will everyone start calling him Hitler? I mean, these are worse case senarios - he may not encounter any of these feelings/situations... but it should be considered.

Testicles are a secondary sexual organ. Much like breasts are for girls. True, they're not 'on display' but they DO count... and if you had a daughter like my step sister for whom one breast developed normally and the other didn't at all - well, would you have that fixed? It's cosmetic by your standards - but is it really? I think the word 'reconstructive' is mre appropriate in these senarios.

Then there is the fact that kids simply heal so much quicker with less emotional trauma (a teen might lay there worrying the night before the op about 'never waking up' (despite how very safe it is and all the reassurance in the world!). A little kid has no awareness of this.) On the sunject of anaesthesia - it really is safe despite your son's asthma. Of course, bring up your concerns with your specialist; make sure they're aware of any meds he takes regularly.

Bottom line is that given his age, it is your decision right now. Sure, you can delay the decision and defer it to your son's wishes when he's old enough to express them, but who is to say that by then he won't have suffered in some way emotionally? I feel that he'll never resent you for making him 'normal' when he's older. But then again, you know him best.

Hand on heart, I think if I were in your situation I'd more than likely go ahead. That decision has been coloured by my step
-sister's experience for sure. As I've said, you may start thinking about it slightly differently if you can alter thinking from 'strictly cosmetic' to 'reconstructive'. Ask youself if you lost a breast to cancer, would you reconstruct, or be happy to be lopsided? Again, I emphasise I realise testicles aren't so openy on display as breasts but men *are* rather attached to their 'bits' and have strong emotions conntected to what's 'normal' in both size and, uh, dangle. Heh.

Ok, I've blathered on enough. Good uck with whatever you decide - I don't envy you!

(incidently, I have a son of 10 and daughter of 12 - so I do understand your angst *hugs*)
My son had a undecesended testicle which they operated on to bring it down when he turned three, as it was necessary to do so to prevent a hernia in later life.

It was awful sending him down to the operating theatre and the pain he was in afterwards was tremendous.

I would say leave it for the time being, if you are having doubts that must tell you something.
I agree ive dealt with this first hand and know how much confidence was lost. I personally would go ahead with it. And it dont have to removed when they are adult, the person involved as still got his in from when he was a few months old. And to add, it dont look weird, it cant even be seen coz the willy/hairs hide it.
thanks you amanda , well presented. At the mo he is so unaware of the difference , he has no shame in whipping his bits out to show his erm winkey... ( thankfully he only does this INDOORS) lol not in public.( he thinks its funny)
so in fear of making this an issue for him and me me right now( bury head in sand syndrome lol) i will postpone it for few more yrs then revaluate.
Let him make up his own mind when he is old enough. All it will take is a gobby girlfriend. A mate's girlfriend (many years ago) we all went out one ight and she just kept singing "Remember you're a Womble" Poor bloke went the darkest shade of red I've ever seen anybody go. Took us half an hour to work out what she was on about (this was about 29 inutes after he stormed out of the pub) :giggle: Poor sod.
What sort of girlfriend does that!
I think you and you only KNOW the answer.:thumbsup:
1 Like #34
I would not have it done.

If something went wrong with the anesthetic I would never forgive myself.
Now if it was life threatening that would be a different thing.
Id go for it....
1 Like #36
I wouldnt do it - if he has the operation then its like you are saying that there is something wrong with only one (I know you arent, but its how the child can feel later on), if you accept it then so will he.
1 Like #37
As a guy i would say have it done, at least now if he has it done he doesnt have to go through the embarressment in teenage years of hobbling around for a few weeks will sore balls.
1 Like #38
For cosmetic reasons at this age no,let him decide when older.
1 Like #39
If it were me having to decide, as it's just cosmetic, I'd say no.

I've got a 2 year old and he was born with hydrocele (or however you spell it !!) which basically means his poor little sack was bulging with fluid and really causing him agony. The surgeon said he wanted to wait until he was 1 before he operated, to reduce the risk of the anesthetic so it was awful seeing him in so much pain and not being able to do anything but wait.

He had the operation and although it's reduced the amount of fluid, it still hasn't gone completely but the main thing is he's not in any pain with it anymore. He needs to see the consultant again in 3 months for his yearly check up but I'm dreading him saying he needs surgery again. It was the worst experience waiting for them to come and tell me everything was ok and then waiting for him to come round, and I'd never go through that again unless it was medically necessary.

I think anything cosmetic wise, (unless it was anything that was constantly in sight as kids can be cruel to each other at times) I'd wait until he was old enough to decide himself, as he may grow up and not see it as in issue at all in which case there would have been no need for the operation, and if he decides as a teenager that he wants it, at least he can take stronger painkillers than children can so it will make the recovery slightly easier.

That's just what I'd do anyway :thumbsup:
1 Like #40
I would say leave it for him to decide. I would be reluctant to add the extra stress of a non essential anesthetic to any child but added to your sons asthma I would defiantly say no. Hand on heart Nutta if it was AM he would be making his own mind up wen he was old enough!!

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