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Can Anyone Help With Advice About Counseling?

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Here goes... I will try to keep it brief. Someone close to me is having major problems with depression and alcohol. She has managed to drink to the point where she stopped breathing, and was taken …
dmh77 Avatar
7y, 10m agoPosted 7 years, 10 months ago
Here goes... I will try to keep it brief.

Someone close to me is having major problems with depression and alcohol. She has managed to drink to the point where she stopped breathing, and was taken off to hospital last week. They had to work on her for 45 mins, to get her breathing back to normal.

This prompted her to go 'on the waggon'.... for a while. She just had to be carried out of our house, after she drank half a bottle of vodka, she came here looking for a loan, after her bottle of brandy ran out.

How do we go about getting her some counseling? The NHS has offered her counseling in June.... at the rate she is going, she will be dead by then.

If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it!
dmh77 Avatar
7y, 10m agoPosted 7 years, 10 months ago
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1 Like #1
Try to find the reason for the depression, could be that the alcohol is a substitute for something that she lost or is missing from her life. I think once the cause of the depression is establised you can move on to tackling the related secondary problem (alcoholism).
#2
There's always this problem with having to wait for counselling services. June is pretty quick in terms of the NHS so be assurred this means they are taking her case seriously.

In between now and then if she needs emergency medical intervision best thing is take her straight to a and e. A and E have to treat all cases of possible self harm with a psych interview. Other than that she can request for herself to be admitted to hospital ( voluntary sectioning ) or if things are really bad ( I mean attempted suicide ) then she may be detained under the mental health act against her will.

Support her all you can. If she's drinking to block out something in her head, bad experiences, grief, a loss of some kind or abuse, try not to be too hard on her. She's gonna need one hell of a lot of kindness and understanding and company x x x
#3
JasonMason
Try to find the reason for the depression, could be that the alcohol is a substitute for something that she lost or is missing from her life. I think once the cause of the depression is establised you can move on to tackling the related secondary problem (alcoholism).


Oh I know why she is depressed... her 5 year old son died 8 years ago, there has been lots of other stuff since then, but that is where it all started.

Trouble is, I don't know how to help her....
#4
JasonMason
Try to find the reason for the depression, could be that the alcohol is a substitute for something that she lost or is missing from her life. I think once the cause of the depression is establised you can move on to tackling the related secondary problem (alcoholism).


This only works in instances of reactive depression... where the depression is the result of a life changing event such as a loss of a job, finding a new job and a good income might relieve the depression caused by losing the first job.

There are many other different types of depression and all need a different set of treatments. There are many little things though that anyone who feels depressed can do to help themselves, such as eat well and regularly, get a good nights sleep, surround yourself with people who love, care and support you and understand your distress. Some people find keeping a diary helps. The Samaritans are always available for anyone who just wants to speak about how they are feeling to a stranger.
#5
ClarityofMind
There's always this problem with having to wait for counselling services. June is pretty quick in terms of the NHS so be assurred this means they are taking her case seriously.

In between now and then if she needs emergency medical intervision best thing is take her straight to a and e. A and E have to treat all cases of possible self harm with a psych interview. Other than that she can request for herself to be admitted to hospital ( voluntary sectioning ) or if things are really bad ( I mean attempted suicide ) then she may be detained under the mental health act against her will.

Support her all you can. If she's drinking to block out something in her head, bad experiences, grief, a loss of some kind or abuse, try not to be too hard on her. She's gonna need one hell of a lot of kindness and understanding and company x x x


I don't feel like being hard on her at all... I just wish I could help her more.

I think what she is doing is a form of prolonged suicide.... but she has 4 kids seeing all this going on. I am worried about them all.
2 Likes #6
dmh77
Oh I know why she is depressed... her 5 year old son died 8 years ago, there has been lots of other stuff since then, but that is where it all started.

Trouble is, I don't know how to help her....


I totally understand that sweetheart. When my baby died, I went through a period of psychosis brought on by the grief. The midwives kept me hooked up to the morphine to help ease my physical pain but honestly it did nothing to relieve the hallucinations and the tricks the mind plays while it comes to terms with grief.

To tell the truth, 8 years is no time at all, and she is still grieving. She misses her son and always will. In losing a child it isn't just the loss of a loved one, it is the complete and total stripping away of ones soul and identity forevermore.

All you can do is be there for her. Everyone deals with grief differently and no-one else can understand how it feels until they have seen it and felt it for themselves ( and hopefully most people never wil in that sense ). Drinking probably helps her forget. She's hiding from the pain and the memories and the grief, and who can blame her really?

There are organisations to help bereaved parents... the 6 weeks of nhs counselling she will undoubtedly be offered wont do much of s....

I'll find you some contact info x x
1 Like #7
Know how hard this is. We are going through a similar thing with a friend of ours. Tried getting him comitted as he is a danger to himself (Set house on fire while drunk, self harming, drinking cleaning products as they contain alcohol, etc, etc, could go on for ever) Unable to section him as he is aware of what he is doing to himself, he is an alcoholic not mentally unstable though where the line is drawn I don't know!! We have taken him to the local Alcohol dependancy services who are unable to help him as he is drinking?! That visit prompted a 10 day solid bender. Hs now in hospital with a double fracture to his leg after stepping out in traffic while drunk. Still they say there is nothing they can do until he stops drinking.

You have my sympathies and my thoughts as I know how difficult it is to stand by watching while someone effectively slowly kills themselves and there is nothing you can do.
#8
this information might be of some help to you. I used to work for these people, oh many years ago now but they are really really good x x

http://www.mind.org.uk/NR/rdonlyres/43CB7A68-EC52-410D-8E7F-B4BE3E2813E7/0/Understandingbereavement2008.pdf
#9
ClarityofMind
I totally understand that sweetheart. When my baby died, I went through a period of psychosis brought on by the grief. The midwives kept me hooked up to the morphine to help ease my physical pain but honestly it did nothing to relieve the hallucinations and the tricks the mind plays while it comes to terms with grief.

To tell the truth, 8 years is no time at all, and she is still grieving. She misses her son and always will. In losing a child it isn't just the loss of a loved one, it is the complete and total stripping away of ones soul and identity forevermore.

All you can do is be there for her. Everyone deals with grief differently and no-one else can understand how it feels until they have seen it and felt it for themselves ( and hopefully most people never wil in that sense ). Drinking probably helps her forget. She's hiding from the pain and the memories and the grief, and who can blame her really?

There are organisations to help bereaved parents... the 6 weeks of nhs counselling she will undoubtedly be offered wont do much of s....

I'll find you some contact info x x


Thanks so much COM... that is exactly what I was hoping someone would say.... I just dont know where to start...

It was an awful time, the little guy was my nephew, there is a world of difference between knowing what the problem is, and knowing what to do about it.
#10
dmh77
I don't feel like being hard on her at all... I just wish I could help her more.

I think what she is doing is a form of prolonged suicide.... but she has 4 kids seeing all this going on. I am worried about them all.


If she cant pull herself out of this for the kids then I hope they have someone else who is taking responsibility for them. It took me six weeks of grief before my mind suddenly skewed into focus and I laid down all the grief and concentrated on my other kids and just never looked back. If she cant set it aside for the health and welfare of her other children, I dont know that it will ever stop eating at her. You have to have a REASON to get through these things.
#11
You really have to want to help yourself, no-one can arrange it, or do it for her.
#12
dmh77
Oh I know why she is depressed... her 5 year old son died 8 years ago, there has been lots of other stuff since then, but that is where it all started.

Trouble is, I don't know how to help her....


Seems that she is drinking to forget.
I'm no expert so can only really hazard a guess.

If she doesnt make positive steps soon though she could likely loose her kids.
#13
child death support helpline 0800282986

compassionate friends 08451232304

cruse bereavement care 08444779400

dont be scared phoning these numbers. call them up and explain your fears x x x
1 Like #14
If you know the family doctor then that might be worth a try. I know they are not allowed to discuss their patients with you but some practices have a counsellor attached to them like mine does. Maybe if you made an appointment to see the counsellor and discussed your concerns with them they may be able to offer you some advise on what to do next.

Not too sure how ethical this is but anything is worth a try at the moment for both you and your friends sake. I know from personal experience what depression can do to someone!

The best thing is to be there for them and dont push them away.

Hope you get the help needed soon!

Take care.
XX
#15
I know these are going to be very difficult questions...

but is she able to go visit her sons grave? I know its a hard thing to do but it can help find a balance and a base to work up from.

does she have a way to honour her sons passing? Would she like to create one? anything that might help her feel better even if it sounds a lil crazy, may just help her with this.

I have some photos, a lock of my sons hair, his handprints, his footprints. I created several memorials, wrote poems for him. Remembrance bracelets. She might want to create a little altar or something. Or to write down all the details of his death.

Honouring someones life is.... a comfort to some people.

Also, can she use her experience to help others? The loss of a child is so very difficult in that the only other people who have also been through this are always still struggling also. If she can find some strength within herself to help someone else, then she may find some respect inside herself which sounds like has been stipped away x x
1 Like #16
from me to all you who are sad

http://www.wondercliparts.com/hugs/graphics/hugs_graphics_04.gif

(im rubbish with being serious but I do feel for you's)
#17
michelleleemoo
from me to all you who are sad

http://www.wondercliparts.com/hugs/graphics/hugs_graphics_04.gif

(im rubbish with being serious but I do feel for you's)


sweetie, the people who cant take life seriously are the ones who make it worth living x x x
#18
ClarityofMind
I know these are going to be very difficult questions...

but is she able to go visit her sons grave? I know its a hard thing to do but it can help find a balance and a base to work up from.

does she have a way to honour her sons passing? Would she like to create one? anything that might help her feel better even if it sounds a lil crazy, may just help her with this.

I have some photos, a lock of my sons hair, his handprints, his footprints. I created several memorials, wrote poems for him. Remembrance bracelets. She might want to create a little altar or something. Or to write down all the details of his death.

Honouring someones life is.... a comfort to some people.

Also, can she use her experience to help others? The loss of a child is so very difficult in that the only other people who have also been through this are always still struggling also. If she can find some strength within herself to help someone else, then she may find some respect inside herself which sounds like has been stipped away x x


Sorry, I just had to drop the little one off at nursery.

I know they used to visit his grave every weekend, but I'm not sure if they still do. I think she is just so deep into the depression, aggravated by the alcohol, that any of the other options you gave are just imposssible right now.

She really needs some outside help to prop her up right now.
#19
michelleleemoo
from me to all you who are sad

http://www.wondercliparts.com/hugs/graphics/hugs_graphics_04.gif

(im rubbish with being serious but I do feel for you's)


That is very sweet... thanks! :)

XXX
1 Like #20
dmh77
Sorry, I just had to drop the little one off at nursery.

I know they used to visit his grave every weekend, but I'm not sure if they still do. I think she is just so deep into the depression, aggravated by the alcohol, that any of the other options you gave are just imposssible right now.

She really needs some outside help to prop her up right now.


try the phone numbers i left you....

also you could offer to take the kiddies for her for a few hours just to relieve the strain on her ( and to treat the kids ) but make sure she isnt just gonna sit down and drink herself stupid x x
1 Like #21
i havnt read the other posts but was alarmed that she is attempting to stop drinking alltogether. If she just stops drinking she will suffer from fits. She will need to see the doctor for some advice iff she hasnt allready. If she is suffering from bereavement then Cruise or a similar service may be available in youre area.

Two things to bear in mind. The first is that there is very lillte help available for individuals with alcohol problems, most off the funding goes towards drug addicts. The second is there are a lot off counseling services and some are very poor.

Hope this is off some help.

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