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Child behaviour specialist...help!

Foxy102 Avatar
6y, 4w agoPosted 6 years, 4 weeks ago
Hi all

Bit of a weird question, but we are having some major problems with our 3yr old girl. Does anyone know any freelance child behaviour specialists? We have gone to the doctors and they have said it will take at least 4 weeks to get an appointment with someone. We are at our wits end and have tried everything!

I know this is essentially a shopping forum, but with the number of people on here, I thought someone may have some info for us.

Thanks all

Foxy
Foxy102 Avatar
6y, 4w agoPosted 6 years, 4 weeks ago
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#1
this is supposed to be a good book, http://www.amazon.co.uk/Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-Child/dp/1853407054 if she's at preschool definitely ask the teachers there as they may be able to suggest some strategies ... is it just at home? Are you on the list for an appointment via the docs?
#2
What sort of problems are you having ???
1 Like #3
You might be best going onto a forum like netmums, they have local sections and noticeboards you might get better info on.
#4
You could also contact your local child & adolescent mental health services; they may have some contacts/ suggestions. I agree though that 4 weeks is a pretty reasonable wait tbh, but probably doesn't seem it if you're at your wits end. GL x

Edited By: nat66 on Nov 07, 2010 14:41: added
#5
She has developed a problem where she will not put certain items of clothes on. At the moment she refuses to put socks on and it is to the stage where she goes out and strips off in the road. This may sound amusing, but it def is not. No matter what we try to do, nothing seems to work with her. We just need an expert to tell us how to deal with the situation. We thought it may be sensitivity to the clothing so have been working on that, but it is clear now that it is behavioural, rather than an allergy etc. She also has a problem with putting her knickers on and she pulls them straight down after they have been pulled up. Yesterday, we came home and asked her to put her socks and shoes on in the car (before she got out). She refused, and she ended up staying in the car for 1.5hrs with us battling with her to put them on.
banned#6
Is that it?
#7
Foxy102
She has developed a problem where she will not put certain items of clothes on. At the moment she refuses to put socks on and it is to the stage where she goes out and strips off in the road. This may sound amusing, but it def is not. No matter what we try to do, nothing seems to work with her. We just need an expert to tell us how to deal with the situation. We thought it may be sensitivity to the clothing so have been working on that, but it is clear now that it is behavioural, rather than an allergy etc. She also has a problem with putting her knickers on and she pulls them straight down after they have been pulled up. Yesterday, we came home and asked her to put her socks and shoes on in the car (before she got out). She refused, and she ended up staying in the car for 1.5hrs with us battling with her to put them on.


Out of interest, did you win (and seh put them on before getting out) or did she win?

I have a similar problem with my almost three year old (boy), but it's not got to the point where I'm seeking help... yet. With ours it's just a sheer battle of wills, nto a real problem. Just learning his boundaries I think, and if we give in (even after a couple of hours) he'll learn to just keep going, and he will win. I never lose with him, but my husband doesn't have so much patience!
#8
FilthAndFurry
Is that it?


I appreciate your help, but this is simply one example of many. My wife has to take my older girl to school and it is taking 2hrs to get the little one dressed, with her screaming the house down every morning. Once the clothes are on it seems ok, but it's as if we are treading on egg shells, as she also goes crazy if she needs a wee and has to pull her knickers up.
#9
My son has episodes where he reacts to certain things - I have been advised not to confront him and make it a battle, I now will work around stuff IYSWIM, would she wear tights instead for now? Or trousers? Then you can work on the socks issue - allowing her to choose new socks herself may help.

If you have a childrens centre locally they will have some staff who can also advise you, you may be able to get some tips over the phone, I would guess even paying for a specialist will take over four weeks to actually see someone.

Good luck :)
#10
For god sake, Smack their butt if they play up, Send them to bed, Etc..

Best thing to do though is praise/reward good behaviour,.

She strips off in street, Then bring her in, Send to her room, Let her know who's boss.
1 Like #11
shauneco
For god sake, Smack their butt if they play up, Send them to bed, Etc..Best thing to do though is praise/reward good behaviour,.She strips off in street, Then bring her in, Send to her room, Let her know who's boss.
This only works if you have nothing else to do all day.
#12
It's hard to send her to her room when the wife has to take the older one to school, and she has to go with her. We praise her good behaviour as you suggest, but it still doesn't work. She has been sent to her room many a time as well!
2 Likes #13
To be honest foxy this is pretty much the par for 3 year olds, its their way of testing the boundary's, yes it is frustrating as hell, in regards pulling knickers back down I am guessing she is wearing skirts/dresses, what happens if she is wearing trousers? This would make it a lot harder.

Positive praise and rewards (from experience) work much better than punishment, print her a sticker chart out and say if she keeps them on (socks,shoes, knickers etc) she will get a sticker, and to distract from it being just about the clothes give rewards for other things like good eating, playing nicely etc. and at the end of the day if there are so many stickers offer a reward such as extra story at bedtime, it doesn't have to be something that costs.

There are some good free charts here Free printables

An important tactic is to ignore the bad behavior and simply rectify it without comment, otherwise she will see bad behavior as a way of captivating your attention for a nice long period, this is probably the hardest step to adjust as it goes against everything we feel should be right.
#14
lots of kids do this sort of thing( Mine included), and sometimes it can turn into a battle between the kids and parents, and the original problem is lost. and it is difficult how to tell parents what to do in certain circumstances. Im sure if you say she's not allowed to wear the socks she will want to wear. when kids are young they often take their clothes off, one of mine girls wouldn't wear her knickers we just left her not to wear them and she soon changed and wanted to wear them again. also try not to dwell on the item/conversaion, when she kicks off change the conversaion to something she likes and say something like come on then lets get your sockson etc and then we'll do......... it is a nightmare i know but hey thats what kids do to ya..good luck
#15
Isn't that normal for a 3 year old?

Can you not make it into a game?
#16
Lulu'sMammy
Isn't that normal for a 3 year old?

Can you not make it into a game?


Our 6yr old was nothing like this when she was three. Yes, she had some occasional issues, but this is becoming a joke...and not a funny one!
#17
my sisters 2 year old is a bit of a nightmare, was sent away frm nursery because of her behaviour she is a proper handful lol.the health visitor referred her to a behaviour speacialist and also parenting classes. i would go thorugh health visitor as she got seen like 2 weeks after bein referred
#18
smack em - worked on me...
2 Likes #19
Foxy102
Lulu'sMammy
Isn't that normal for a 3 year old? Can you not make it into a game?
Our 6yr old was nothing like this when she was three. Yes, she had some occasional issues, but this is becoming a joke...and not a funny one!

They say you will never have two the same (hence me only having one!) My "angel" sunk her teeth into my arm the other day, out of the blue, because i didn't put peppa pig on, seriously if she was an adult i would of decked her!! I hope to god she never does it again ( not only coz i was close to tears lol!!) but i'd be devestated if she done it to another child, but the point im trying to make is, is it not a "phase", an attention thing, is your wife maybe a little soft (i am, so she wouldnt be alone) and the child often wins? I personally don't think you need a behaviourist, i mean these professions were never heard of in the past, but maybe find your own way of dealing with this problem, such as reward chart, stickers, anything just to get her out of the habit.
1 Like #20
Mrs barky is a child psychologist and I can assure you 4 weeks wait is pretty reasonable unless you want to go private,which is expensive. She is attached to a school but does get referrals from elsewhere too. In the 4 weeks you have to wait,keep a daily diary of anything that concerns you.
1 Like #21
Foxy102
She has developed a problem where she will not put certain items of clothes on. At the moment she refuses to put socks on and it is to the stage where she goes out and strips off in the road. This may sound amusing, but it def is not. No matter what we try to do, nothing seems to work with her. We just need an expert to tell us how to deal with the situation. We thought it may be sensitivity to the clothing so have been working on that, but it is clear now that it is behavioural, rather than an allergy etc. She also has a problem with putting her knickers on and she pulls them straight down after they have been pulled up. Yesterday, we came home and asked her to put her socks and shoes on in the car (before she got out). She refused, and she ended up staying in the car for 1.5hrs with us battling with her to put them on.
my 3yr old strips too all the time but he knows we wont go anywhere unless he gets dresses i think maybe making a bigger issue u make of it (as in going on at her trying to get her to get dressed etc) the more she may play up
if i was u i would suggest something like lets go to the park or somewhere she really enjoys going and if she wont get dressed then just say ok thats fine we wont go and get on with things like it doesnt bother u.sometimes kids like all the drama of trying to force them to get dressed etc and can play up more :)

Edited By: edjaned on Nov 07, 2010 16:41: spelling
#22
I am so pleased I posted my query on here. I know this isn't a life or death thing, but I appreciate the sound advice that has been given. We are going to wait out the appointment and also make a diary of what is happening etc. My wife is an NNEB trained nursery nurse and this has driven her to tears over the last couple of days. I also agree that this is becoming a habit that we have to break, we just need to know a good strategy that will work in the long term (we don't want to give in and get into bad habits that will be impossible to break in the future).

Thank you all for your input, this is a really friendly and helpful place full of people willing to offer advice, and I appreciate it. :)
#23
Foxy102
I am so pleased I posted my query on here. I know this isn't a life or death thing, but I appreciate the sound advice that has been given. We are going to wait out the appointment and also make a diary of what is happening etc. My wife is an NNEB trained nursery nurse and this has driven her to tears over the last couple of days. I also agree that this is becoming a habit that we have to break, we just need to know a good strategy that will work in the long term (we don't want to give in and get into bad habits that will be impossible to break in the future).Thank you all for your input, this is a really friendly and helpful place full of people willing to offer advice, and I appreciate it. :)
give it a go on not making a big issue,i think all of my 6 children went through the stripping stage and i just ignored it or just saying oh well we cant go and leave it at that
or if she strips when out just try not to show it bothers u and go home
hope it works for u
and yes as the whole sequences of events has already started it can take a while to break the habit but im sure it wont be as much fun for her once she realises u arent bothered about it anymore
good luck :)
#24
have you tried just putting her clothes out and if she wont get dressed taking her as she is and just ignoring it? i mean the more you let her see its bothering you the more she will dig in. She is obv much more willful than your other daughter and needs different handling. If i was your wife or you i would give the 6year old more attention and praise..i mean like saying well done 6 year old you have time to do such and such now as you got ready so fast..
if theyre competitive try the see who can get ready 1stand when done stickers or a bonus towards a reward?
I really wouldnt think this isnt normal. Just try to laugh it off? i know its hard as i have a 5year old who is pushing..lol
[helper]#25
Foxy - I recomend to look at this book Toddler Taming

Its one of the ones recommended to GPs.....not that they ever read anything outside of their contracts :)
#26
my four year old is still in terrible two mode, but if you give a child 2 choices a lot of the time (as they want to be in control) they will choose, so like if they wont put socks on. ask them do they want to put socks or tights (holding both up) she will most likely choose and more importantly be good for that stage anyway!

other than glueing the damn things on, im not sure what to suggest if she wants to strip off in public? (your not playing a lot of lada gaga music vids are you???)
#27
Quite common,I've know of others had similar issues,my eldest was funny with clothes but only in the house,however he is autistic.

4 week wait not too bad,if there no other problems,I would imagine she will grow out of it.
#28
is there anyone she wouldnt do it in front of? my son doesnt like it if he misbehaves and i say i wil call grandma..he loves her so much she has to think hes an angel lol
#29
It is just a phas don't know of a 2 or 3 year old that hasn't gone through this stage and many more around eating, going to bed etc. Be careful seeing CB specialist from exp once you go down that route next time she has a phase they will record that too and the next and the next and before you know it they will have her labelled with some special needs label.

I know it is hard but as others have said just ignore it, take her out without socks on she will soon want to put them on when she gets cold and give her less attention, she is competing with her sibling for your attention and rewarding her bad behaviour which you don't want to do.

As you said you can't afford to spend hours negotiating with her in a morning would have thought your wife could get advice on this as she is nursery trained - does she work at a nursery?
#30
Good point splat made about giving them a choice. My children respond very well to that. The choice is you sit there nicely or go to your room - you decide. The choice is Pie and green beans or pie and peas and carrots - you decide. Makes them feel like they've had a real input, when basically they're still eating the veg/wearing the socks/etc.
#31
Not had chance to read all the replies, but how about making a big deal about taking them out to clothes shop and older child choosing new stuff (especially socks!!!) but no point in younger child choosing any because she wouldnt wear them would she?

Maybe seeing big fuss being made about older child would make her jealous, plus if she promises to wear them you will buy her socks or something, if she does you can go back and get something else
#32
You need to get your HVisitors number and call them. Request a visit or arrange appt to go to where they are based. As also mentioned, does she go to toddler / nursery groups ?

We have all been there with this type of behaviour (situations vary but 3yr olds pushing boundaries is common). To be honest, psychologist would not accept the referral knowing that the behaviour will have changed oever a month (transient). We would only refer for more severe problems which are not normal for that age group.

You will probably get more help via the likes of netmums etc. Mums who have been through similar situations and practical strategies on how they dealt with it.
#33
splatsplatsplat
my four year old is still in terrible two mode, but if you give a child 2 choices a lot of the time (as they want to be in control) they will choose, so like if they wont put socks on. ask them do they want to put socks or tights (holding both up) she will most likely choose and more importantly be good for that stage anyway!

other than glueing the damn things on, im not sure what to suggest if she wants to strip off in public? (your not playing a lot of lada gaga music vids are you???)


I have just this minute tried the "choice" trick with my 3 year old and it worked ha ha, nice one :D
#34
nikkib123
splatsplatsplat
my four year old is still in terrible two mode, but if you give a child 2 choices a lot of the time (as they want to be in control) they will choose, so like if they wont put socks on. ask them do they want to put socks or tights (holding both up) she will most likely choose and more importantly be good for that stage anyway!other than glueing the damn things on, im not sure what to suggest if she wants to strip off in public? (your not playing a lot of lada gaga music vids are you???)
I have just this minute tried the "choice" trick with my 3 year old and it worked ha ha, nice one :D

its funny as if their brain cant see another choice lol
#35
Has anyone had any experience with Tactile Sensory Integration Disorder? The more we look into the way she behaves, the more it seems like it is this.
#36
what other behavioural problems does she have?
from what u have said so far all sounds pretty normal behaviour
do u have a health visitor u can discuss it with?
banned#37
FilthAndFurry
Is that it?


My thoughts exactly.

But thats the world we live in now. Oh I'm a crap parent, never mind, I'm sure a specialist will sort it.

Geeze.
#38
No we don't have a health visitor. We are going to see the doctor again tomorrow to see if we can explain the issues in greater detail so we can be referred to the right person. She is always bashing into things, has a really high pain threshold and from what I have read this sounds like it could be sensory thing.
#39
vibeone
FilthAndFurry
Is that it?


My thoughts exactly.

But thats the world we live in now. Oh I'm a crap parent, never mind, I'm sure a specialist will sort it.

Geeze.


No need to be like that mate. Might sound simple to you, but you try going through it.
#40
Tbh I can't believe you spent an hour and a half getting her to put shoes and socks on just to walk from your car to the house. Surely that will make it worse. Ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good.

If she wanted to walk to the front door without shoes or socks on then let her, she'll soon get bored when you're ignoring her behaviour

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