Christmas Jokes.....Filling my Own Crackers - HotUKDeals
We use cookie files to improve site functionality and personalisation. By continuing to use HotUKDeals, you accept our cookie and privacy policy.
Get the HotUKDeals app free at Google Play

Search Error

An error occurred when searching, please try again!

Login / Sign UpSubmit

Christmas Jokes.....Filling my Own Crackers

£0.00 @
Hi All, Im being original and filling my own crackers. I need some jokes however, can be adult/non adult. Dont have to be Xmas Jokes. I have so far: What do a Christmas tree and priest hav… Read More
07sanchez Avatar
9y, 6m agoPosted 9 years, 6 months ago
Hi All,

Im being original and filling my own crackers.

I need some jokes however, can be adult/non adult. Dont have to be Xmas Jokes.

I have so far:

What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common..?

Their balls are just for decoration.

--------------------------

Why Did the Baker Have Smelly Hands..?

Because he Kneaded a Poo
07sanchez Avatar
9y, 6m agoPosted 9 years, 6 months ago
Options

All Comments

(12) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
Darth Vader: Luke I know what your getting for Christmas.

Luke Skywalker: But how!

Darth Vader: I felt you presents.


I'll get my coat. :oops:
banned#2
Here's a few bad ones :)

What do you get when you walk under a friendly cow?
A pat on the head.

What do you get when you cross a caterpillar with a parrot?
A walky-talky.

What's a dentist's favourite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
I didn't do it on porpoise.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg.

What do you call two robbers?
A pair of knickers.

I'll get my coat too :)
#3
There are a few here:)
#4
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !

A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity. The picture was
very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus.
However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable, that just
did not seem to fit in. When the child was asked about it, she replied,
"Oh, That's Round John Virgin."

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife," Look honey. Its raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded," I don't think so, dear. I think its snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife," Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
#5
Whats the difference between snowmen and show women?
SNOWBALLS :)
#6
Thanks i have used a couple of those for the kids, any adult ones for the older people?
banned#7
07sanchez
Thanks i have used a couple of those for the kids, any adult ones for the older people?


What do you get when you cross a pickle with a reindeer?
A Dill Doe :)
#8
Oh i have a funny kids one

There were 100 people under 1 average sized umbrella, how did none of them get wet?

It wasn't raining :)


Ungreat get my coat while your there.
#9
How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
They go into town, and blow a few bucks.

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde
#10
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What does a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration

Q: What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A: About three inches.

Q. Why don't blind people skydive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of their dog.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!
#11
he he he keep em coming
#12
That Wasn't Turkey!

And for a laugh put some expired food coupons in each one, and a tea bag as the prize.

This reminds me of the time we gave my OH's sister a half eaten box of chocolates for xmas :) Oh I love having a laugh at xmas.

Post a Comment

You don't need an account to leave a comment. Just enter your email address. We'll keep it private.

...OR log in with your social account

...OR comment using your social account

Thanks for your comment! Keep it up!
We just need to have a quick look and it will be live soon.
The community is happy to hear your opinion! Keep contributing!