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Couple of Jokes

rayman Avatar
1d, 7m agoPosted 1 decade, 7 months ago

A snail goes into a pub and asks the barman for a beer...

The barman gets hold of the snail and throws him out...

A week later the snail returns to the pub and says to the barman...

"What was that for?"



Waiter to customer: "Our specialty is snails."

Customer: "I know. One of them served me the last time I was here!"


Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.

"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him."

"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.

"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie
rayman Avatar
1d, 7m agoPosted 1 decade, 7 months ago

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Guy goes to a zoo but when he gets there, there is only one dog there

Its a shitzu :p
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'


Mahatma Gandhi, as you may know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . . . a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


Parts of Liverpool were closed off today after a suspicious device was found on a car. Police later found out it was a tax disc.
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool??

Because if it walked it'd get mugged!!

(I can see a Boris Johnson style apology on its way, lol)
don't be mean to Liverpool, I actually enjoy going there... to see my cars hubcaps!
The truth is always the best joke.
courtesy of bbc news
Here is a perfect "Irishman" Joke

"...three men with baseball bats threatened to shoot them..."


Sorry the guys were forced out though :x


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