Seriously, the worst thing about buying things online. People always extol the virtues of the convenience of having things delivered to your door, but gods, they never mention the torture in waiting. The torture of waking up three hours earlier than usual and not being able to get back to sleep because I know that if I sleep, I'll miss the door. The torture of not being able to go for a morning dump or a shower, because if I do, the courier will take that as their exact moment to strike. Soon as that first bomb hits the bowl, I just know it. Then the torture as every single vehicle larger than a motorbike that slows down near my house (I live by a quiet junction) makes me jump up and think that it could be them, and ditto, when any of the neighbours slam their car doors shut. Sounds just like a van's door. But it's not.
And I have from 7:30am until 5pm of this. Christ. Forgive me if I come off as a little tetchy this morning.