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Dating tips for men.

davelfc Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
1.When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this
will keep her on her toes, and girls love That.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness
(or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she
cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you
are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls
are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If
she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.
This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement,
and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because
jewellery is for pussy's.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When
she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f**k you and grab the
other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning
tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding
and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her
home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like
that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I
can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your
jacket...then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say
"if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to
be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at
the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't
girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her
self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt
and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a
guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a
spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell
on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm
talking about.

21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

22. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her
material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is
that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present
she can ever get


I'm not sorry if this has been posted before.
davelfc Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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(21) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
Married?

Long term relationship?

Must be, with insight like that, I can't believe you've not been snapped up yet!

Blinkin excellent M8

PMSL!!!

:-D
#2
any death threats yet m8 lol
#3
very good lol
#4
Swear filter.....
#5
And it's all true. Well, it works for me......
#6
:-D Lol
#7
and if she ****** you of smack her this also will keep her on her toes
#8
just kidding if my wife sees this she will kick my bottom!!!;0
#9
big willy style
just kidding if my wife sees this she will kick my bottom!!!;0


I showed this to the wife, her favorite was number 8 :lol:
#10
i like number 10
#11
I was wincing just reading this - and the wife's not even in the same room at the minute :whistling:
#12
loupomm
i like number 10


http://galacticcentral.org/pic/smilies/uber.gif
#13
well it dont mention biting :(
#14
Very good advice
#15
this iis funny stuff :O
#16
funny lol ......................
here's some for you ......... lol :)

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If we put a man on the moon, we should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander; it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well; they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same; they just have different faces so that
you can tell them apart.
7.Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8.Women don't make fools of men; most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
9.Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
10.Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11.If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12.The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13.If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
cheque - books.
14. Remember: a sense of humor does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.
15.Sadly, all men are created equal.

Just a thought for all the women out there...
MENtal illness,
MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause,
Ever notice how all of women's
problems start with men?
And when we have real trouble, it's
HISterectomy
#17
snowtiger
funny lol ......................
here's some for you ......... lol :)

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If we put a man on the moon, we should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander; it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well; they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same; they just have different faces so that
you can tell them apart.
7.Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8.Women don't make fools of men; most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
9.Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
10.Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11.If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12.The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13.If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
cheque - books.
14. Remember: a sense of humor does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.
15.Sadly, all men are created equal.

Just a thought for all the women out there...
MENtal illness,
MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause,
Ever notice how all of women's
problems start with men?
And when we have real trouble, it's
HISterectomy


BOOOOooooooooo..!!!!
#18
lol funny but sick at the same time. Im loving snowtigers ones those. All true!!
#19
I thought that 1 & 2 were OK but then started waiting for the funny punch-line that never came. Not at all humorous to me - in fact, I didn't like most of them at all. What's amusing about this:

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your
jacket...then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say
"if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to
be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear

Thumbs down, I'm afraid
[admin]#20
Can you all stop bickering please guys.
#21
17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.


I wish I'd thought of that one:prop:

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