Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
-There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
-Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
-Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
-For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
-The beatings will continue until morale improves.
-Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
-A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
-I don't have a solution but I do admire the problem.
-Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
-If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
-Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock.
-If things start going any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
-It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.