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Do you feel you parents treat you equally to your siblings?

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I am increasingly getting frustrated and impatient with how unfairly my parents and my husbands parents are treating us compared to our siblings. I feel that because we don't make a fuss and demand t…
blackpeppa Avatar
8y, 1m agoPosted 8 years, 1 month ago
I am increasingly getting frustrated and impatient with how unfairly my parents and my husbands parents are treating us compared to our siblings. I feel that because we don't make a fuss and demand their attention we get a rough deal.

Anyone else in the same boat? or should i just get over this and be a grown up - at 35.
blackpeppa Avatar
8y, 1m agoPosted 8 years, 1 month ago
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#1
We always had this problem too. My husband's sister was 40 by the time she chose to have her first child. You would have thought nobody else had ever had a baby and our kids were totally ignored by the grandparents...it drove me mad!
banned#2
i always felt growing up i wasnt treated the same as other two, now im grown up i realise i was but maybe just needed more, now i get naff all, because im a strong independant person and ask of nothing from any of them, no one to thank either
#3
ClarityofMind
We always had this problem too. My husband's sister was 40 by the time she chose to have her first child. You would have thought nobody else had ever had a baby and our kids were totally ignored by the grandparents...it drove me mad!


that's one of the problems with my inlaws, ignores our kids and their daughters kids EVERY DAY.

I really need to get over this, for my health.
#4
Yep I am in the exact same boat with my parents and whilst I love them very much they infruiate me sometimes.

They have bought and paid for a house each for my brother and sister (both younger) whilst I am having to pay my share of the mortgage on my old house and the rent on my new house

I moved this week abd needed their support badly as I have been struggling with the physical side of moving but they took 5 days before they even contacted me

They always say I am the one who never gives them trouble - so far anyway
#5
It got so bad for me that I eventually got so upset with it I told them it was better they didn't contact us again. Overall it has been a huge relief to not have to bite my tongue every time they did or said something incredibly insensitive/unfair.
#6
I have 4 brothers.......say no more :x

mum still does shopping and cooking for them and they all live with wives or partners :w00t:

all I get is her moaning about it to me....WTF

but I like being a strong independent gorgeous woman with assets :-D
#7
vinylandtrinkets
We have this problem with my Husbands dad and step mum, they favour her kids and grandchildren and totally ignore our son and my hubbys sisters daughter, it hurts him a lot, to be honest it used to hurt me too but now i just think its their loss not ours or my sons. At the end of the day theres not much we can do bout it cos hubby wont tell them how he feels. have you spoken to both sets about how you feel?


hubby's parents were told at christmas, but it has fallen on deaf ears and nothing has changed.

can't tell my parents cos my brothers son has died, so can't go upsetting them. my brother has since split from the rest of the family, my parents have bought the family house for him and mum shops for him every week.
#8
yes yes yes

my parents constantly mother my brother they help him out no ends financially he didnt work for a good few years never paid a penny in keep, but when i fell on hard times they still expected their rent every week, now he is working they still do it and it drives me mad, me and the OH could do with a bit of help but they never do

My baby is 5 months old and the last thing they got her was £50 for xmas fair enough but thats it, shes the first grandchild for them and they make no effort to see her or buy her little bits and bobs its not that they are skint either they are very well off.

OH's parents dote on DD thou, buy her little things like a teddy or teether rusks baby food etc and this is their 6th grandchild.

im sick to the back teeth with them to be quite honest they can do what they want they are the ones missing out just makes me more determined to be a better parent to my DD
#9
bloody hell. i have certainly opened a can of worms here.

have we all got issues?

but thank you everyone, its comforting to know i am not alone. i swear that i will NEVER be like this with my kids.
#10
I've always been a strong and independant person, even from such a young age. i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. my eldest sister is mentally disabled so the others have seen me as the eldest female. my parents love us all the same but i seem to be left to get on with things because they know i can be and sometimes i just want them there. my nan and grandad died 2 yrs ago within 6 days of each other when i was 7 months pregnant and everyone thought i could cope with it because i am such a strong character so it was me who ran around and phoned everyone telling them of the bad news and i just wanted to crumble :-(
being a strong person is a good thing but there are times when i put a front on coz thats what everyone expects of me..... wow what a novel lol
#11
yeah get this all the time my brother aged 21 gets all the help going and is always getting bailed out by my parents was even handed £500 just before xmas as he had just lost his job. mum payed his car insurance for the year and bought him a van yet my partner gets made redundant and i struggle to pay the morgage etc (not like i would ever take anything from my parents.) but its welcome to the real world claire thats live!! but they could of offered to help us out if you know what i mean.
banned#12
maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches
#13
choc1969
I have 4 brothers.......say no more :x

mum still does shopping and cooking for them and they all live with wives or partners :w00t:

all I get is her moaning about it to me....WTF

but I like being a strong independent gorgeous woman with assets :-D


there a 3 girls (1 mentally disabled) and 2 boys in our family..... when we were younger, there was a rota of housework and stuff drawn up which only included me and my lil sis coz apparently the boys didn't have to do it :x
#14
sassie
maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches


Not always, as i have got older i have realised wat a control freak my father is and how differently my mother acts when he is not around, he hates it when i confront him now im older as he knows i know, if you know what i mean:thumbsup:
#15
blackpeppa
bloody hell. i have certainly opened a can of worms here.

have we all got issues?

but thank you everyone, its comforting to know i am not alone. i swear that i will NEVER be like this with my kids.


this thread will run and run lol
#16
sassie
maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches


i am the only one out of my 2 bros and 2 sis's to have moved out and get my own house and stand on my own 2 feet. the rest live with either my mum or dad..... my lil sis is married and still lives with my dad and her hubby and my big bro has his partner and my neice living with him too :w00t: bit like the waltons :?
#17
lyndsbowes;4363685
there a 3 girls (1 mentally disabled) and 2 boys in our family..... when we were younger, there was a rota of housework and stuff drawn up which only included me and my lil sis coz apparently the boys didn't have to do it :x


I had the same......hence I hate housework of any kind :x

even now, when my mum got really sick I had to fetch and carry for her even though one brother lives right next door .......gets tiring
banned#18
lyndsbowes
i am the only one out of my 2 bros and 2 sis's to have moved out and get my own house and stand on my own 2 feet. the rest live with either my mum or dad..... my lil sis is married and still lives with my dad and her hubby and my big bro has his partner and my neice living with him too :w00t: bit like the waltons :?


i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they get more, personally ide rather be me than any of the others, although at times it does pee you off a little - lol
#19
sassie
maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches


I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our motto has always been "its us against the world", but that is till no excuse for the unfairness.
banned#20
ilovepink
Not always, as i have got older i have realised wat a control freak my father is and how differently my mother acts when he is not around, he hates it when i confront him now im older as he knows i know, if you know what i mean:thumbsup:


we cant choose our families, but as adults we can choose how to deal with it ;-)
#21
my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plastered

go figure....
#22
sassie
i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they get more, personally ide rather be me than any of the others, although at times it does pee you off a little - lol


sassie - you are being too REASONABLE. you sound like my mother. i just want some love and attention.
banned#23
blackpeppa
I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our motto has always been "its us against the world", but that is till no excuse for the unfairness.


unfairness in your eyes maybe, and personally if you dig deep you will see who made the rod, i know i did
#24
my mum treats us all differently cos we all have differernt lives and needs, she does loads for me, helping with the kids etc, but hardly sees one of my brotheers as hes very independant as said everyone is different
#25
sassie
we cant choose our families, but as adults we can choose how to deal with it ;-)


:thumbsup:

i deal with it by seeing as little as possible of them
banned#26
ilovepink
my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plastered

go figure....



oh trust me hun, i too have the stories, but they are who they are, as we are who we are :thumbsup:
#27
sassie
unfairness in your eyes maybe, and personally if you dig deep you will see who made the rod, i know i did



mum is that you? cos you're sounding like her.
#28
when i used to go to school my brother used to get more lunch money then me we went to the same school:?

sometimes i think im adopted (seriously)
#29
sassie
i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they get more, personally ide rather be me than any of the others, although at times it does pee you off a little - lol


yeah i agree and thats why i dont whinge about it..... i have lived independantly for all my life and would never scoop so low to live off any of my parents :)
banned#30
blackpeppa
mum is that you? cos you're sounding like her.


i am a mum, and im also someones daughter, my concern now is to provide for my two and let the past be the past you cannot change it, but you dont have to repeat it
#31
ilovepink
my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plastered

go figure....


oh sweetie thats terrible x x
#32
sassie
oh trust me hun, i too have the stories, but they are who they are, as we are who we are :thumbsup:


i know you are right sass, but it still infuriates me:cry:
#33
ClarityofMind
oh sweetie thats terrible x x


that aint the half of it :x
#34
My parents dont treat me and my brother the same
banned#35
ilovepink
i know you are right sass, but it still infuriates me:cry:


i let it go along time ago now, i said my piece many years ago, and moved on
#36
sassie
i am a mum, and im also someones daughter, my concern now is to provide for my two and let the past be the past you cannot change it, but you dont have to repeat it


but would you ever treat any of your children differently??

my boys get treat as equal because they are and i love them differently in their own ways but just as much as each other :)
banned#37
lyndsbowes
but would you ever treat any of your children differently??

my boys get treat as equal because they are and i love them differently in their own ways but just as much as each other :)


you really think when they reach adulthood there not gonna have a hang up, that the youngest got away with more than the eldest etc,etc
#38
ilovepink
my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plastered

go figure....


sending you a hug :friends:
#39
blackpeppa
I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our motto has always been "its us against the world", but that is till no excuse for the unfairness.


hon you will have to find a way to talk to them and see if you can improve the situation because if it upsets you that much it will effect the way you cope day to day and your health and sanity x x
#40
ClarityofMind
hon you will have to find a way to talk to them and see if you can improve the situation because if it upsets you that much it will effect the way you cope day to day and your health and sanity x x


yeah, probably will have to do that.

wish i had never started this thread now, probably upset a lot of people.

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