Do you have to be mad to be a security guard? - HotUKDeals
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Do you have to be mad to be a security guard?

barky Avatar
7y, 1w agoPosted 7 years, 1 week ago
We had a security manager at work who went on secret missions in iraq in his spare time,had an arsenal of weaponry in his house,hunted rabbits with uzis,hunted deer in a helicopter with kalashnikovs-the list of insane tales he would tell you were legendary,and he was soo convincing when he told you this stuff.

He left,his replacement arrives and guess what? he is ex-sas,used to drive "all the secrets down the motorway to tony blair every monday??" and if they were approached by a car that "looked dodgy" they were authorised to open the van doors and fire a rocket launcher at it! and although he will take the secret to the grave,he knows 17 ways to kill a man with a matchbox.

are all security guards army/gun fantasists? seems strange that the two most insane people I have ever met share the same profession.
barky Avatar
7y, 1w agoPosted 7 years, 1 week ago
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#1
a security guard in our marks & spencers is ex-army, he allows shoplifters out of the store so he can follow them whilst hiding behind objects including cars and bushes in order to direct police in a pincer movement. I swear if he had a gun....................
#2
Surely ex SF would earn more money in Iraq or Afghan doing CP work, than sniffing round smalls in M&S all day.
#3
Paddy_o_furniture;7464120
Surely ex SF would earn more money in Iraq or Afghan doing CP work, than sniffing round smalls in M&S all day.

Agreed, but money ain't everything. Maybe he's had enough of been away from family and just wants a 9-5 job and a bit of stability.
#4
Lulu'sMammy;7464151
Agreed, but money ain't everything. Maybe he's had enough of been away from family and just wants a 9-5 job and a bit of stability.

They should write a book then, Randy The Crab has done ok
#5
Paddy_o_furniture;7464168
They should write a book then, Randy The Crab has done ok

True dat!
#6
Lulu'sMammy
Agreed, but money ain't everything. Maybe he's had enough of been away from family and just wants a 9-5 job and a bit of stability.


Also, very few IEDs around the lingerie department.
#7
He left,his replacement arrives and guess what? he is ex-sas,used to drive "all the secrets down the motorway to tony blair every monday??" and if they were approached by a car that "looked dodgy" they were authorised to open the van doors and fire a rocket launcher at it! and although he will take the secret to the grave,he knows 17 ways to kill a man with a matchbox.

LOL
#8
Where they wearing tin foil hats at the same time telling you these "tales" ?. Seems overly extravagant for a security guard.
#9
They are mad, deluded and live in a fantasy world. Keep telling yourself a lie, and you will believe it
#10
Evil_monkey;7464227
Also, very few IEDs around the lingerie department.

Ooooooh i dunno, you seen the old biddys in M&S?? Give me a Afghan tour any day!!
#11
Some of us keep to the Code of Silence loose lips cost lives :thinking:
#12
renown;7464493
Some of us keep to the Code of Silence loose lips cost lives :thinking:

I am also VERY surprised they have spouted this.
#13
he knows 17 ways to kill a man with a matchbox.
wow lol that a bit crazy
#14
louloublue
he knows 17 ways to kill a man with a matchbox.
wow lol that a bit crazy


Only 17?
#15
Evil_monkey
Also, very few IEDs around the lingerie department.


oh i dunno, ive seen a few huge bums !
#16
Transport manager in my old job told some whoppers,

He was in a helicopter flying low over a jungle or forest and it banked sharply and he fell out only for the tree canopy to save him because it was so dense.

Another, he was on exercise or patrol and he stopped at this boulder for a sit and to fix his boots, he sat down on the boulder only for it to move, it was a Snake that had swallowed a pig whole.

He was with a lady of the night while on leave and got into a spot of bother over payment, her pimps burst in with machetes and he jumped out through the window rolled down the roof (must have been a single story building) onto the street and ran away.

:roll:
#17
OP,obviously not the same breed of security i know of , 1 of which set a portacabin on fire by leaving his wet coat over a heater and falling asleep.
#18
louloublue
he knows 17 ways to kill a man with a matchbox.
wow lol that a bit crazy


set them on fire 17 times :thumbsup:
#19
hahah 17 ways with a match box?!

Still insane people if that is true - dont underestimate security guards from now on :P
#20
dont know about 17 ways to kill someone with a matchbox - but i could kill you with my wrist
#21
barky
are all security guards army/gun fantasists? seems strange that the two most insane people I have ever met share the same profession.
Don't know about being gun fantasists but most security gaurds i've met are all fantasists/bullshitters:whistling:
#22
Yeah, and I bet he took down whole armies on his own....
banned#23
Sounds like a great job for a fantasist.

No qualifications or intelligence needed. I think I know just the right person!
#24
those blackwater guys are so gung ho lol

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