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Does this sound ok?

£0.00 @
Its for a job in customer services: A successful Business Account Developer with experience delivering high levels of customer service. A determined and highly organised individual, with a strong w…
kelly1987 Avatar
6y, 11m agoPosted 6 years, 11 months ago
Its for a job in customer services:

A successful Business Account Developer with experience delivering high levels of customer service. A determined and highly organised individual, with a strong work ethic, and proven ability to drive repeat spend through customer satisfaction. Both internal and external clients will be impressed by my professional manner and tenacious approach.
kelly1987 Avatar
6y, 11m agoPosted 6 years, 11 months ago
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Comments/page:
#1
Don't start two sentences with A.

Impressed in a job application.....IMO a non no!!

Good luck though :thumbsup:
#2
choc1969
Don't start two sentences with A.

Impressed in a job application.....IMO a non no!!

Good luck though :thumbsup:


Thanks.

Any ideas on how I could re-word it?
banned#3
Can you make tea and work 23 hours a day?
#4
kelly1987;8446590
Thanks.

Any ideas on how I could re-word it?


Difficult without seeing job spec........but maybe move the words around,
#5
jubbyme
Can you make tea and work 23 hours a day?


Yes :thumbsup:
#6
choc1969
Difficult without seeing job spec........but maybe move the words around,


Thats the problem I don't have it, a friend is recommending me for the job
#7
Do you have a comma before 'and' ? (feeling really pedantc now, but you did ask)
#8
kelly1987
Thanks.

Any ideas on how I could re-word it?


Just put 'I'm' before the first A.
#9
go with

kelly1987 is successful Business Account Developer with experience delivering high levels of customer service. She is a determined and highly organised individual with strong work ethics and has proven ability to drive repeat spend through customer satisfaction. Both internal and external clients are always impressed by her professional manner and tenacious approach.

Hows that? :)
#10
ah.. it was the middle of the statement.. not like the opening... dont do 3rd person :P

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