Driving - I am so mad,my partner is so stupid and still acting stupid. - HotUKDeals
We use cookie files to improve site functionality and personalisation. By continuing to use HUKD, you accept our cookie and privacy policy.
Get the HUKD app free at Google Play

Search Error

An error occurred when searching, please try again!

Login / Sign UpSubmit

Driving - I am so mad,my partner is so stupid and still acting stupid.

Mum2ConnornCerys Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
Right,I've hung my washing out and let Bunny out so I've got spare time do lengthy post now before it approaches lunchtime....
Mum2ConnornCerys Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
Options

All Comments

(62) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
Page:
1 Like #1
Wats up luv?
#2
As some of you will know here,my partner is taking driving lessons,he started around late Oct time last yr.
As you all know its a costly thing to do,and really should you start,you need to keep at it. Its not really such a good idea to start it and leave it and go back to it. Anyway so I've been trying to prepare for the cost of it all which to be fair is hard.
Anyway a few days back,it got brought up that he might not be able to see some licence plate so far away. It's apprantly one of the requirements that you need to be able to see so far ahead and they will test him on this when it is time to do the actual driving test.

Anyway I presume he knew about it,as I've looked on the website about applying for licence. There is a checklist,he said to me when he applied he fitted all the criteria but to be honest I think he just ignored it because to be honest he is one of these people who just goes ahead and thinks of the consquences later,bit in aspect as a teenager would.
Yeh pretty stupid isn't it,its one of the most stupid things I've ever heard that a person could do.You all going say what a fool he is,which totally is an understatement of what I've told people I think of him for this,words would not be allowed here on the forum! ... So I'm keeping it clean but you get the picture.

So at moment I'm pretty cheesed off by this,and he still carrying on like it doens't matter,infact he got another 2 hr driving lesson ( £40 ) this Friday,he is mental to be just carrying on. A £240 cheque was paid for another 12 hrs a few wks ago,he pays in advance. Really he should be stopping things and doing something about it,like figuring out if he can really see this far instead acting like it doesn't matter.

I keep going over in my head the cost of all this,and its pretty much close to £1,100 in all,I know we have paid out £240 in cheques 4 times already,so theres £960,then it was cost of Kodak shop photos for licence,pc cd roms for learning theory,paid about £18-20 on eBay for those,£29 for theory test,travel over there for test,£1.99 Amazon highway code book. Yeh I'm going into details here that not really needed... but I'm really annoyed by it all.

I've tried to speak about it to him but he doesn't want to know,accuses me of nagging,I did bring it up when he was doing the original provisional licence if he fitted criteria and he was like yeh quit nagging its all fine,I'm sending off for it.
I don't in anyway feel to blame for this,i'm more annoyed about the waste of money more than anything else. I'm not one to waste cash,and if I can save some cash I will look into it.
I think he should be checking how far he can really see,it doesn't seem to get through to him,I've told him you go in for that test ( which be another hefty fee ) and if you can't see they will ask several times and just fail you. He taking another 2 hr lesson this Friday,instead of that he should be figuring out how far he can see and if can't,then he should be asking for some of his cheque back.

I told him a few mths ago,cos he was talking of what the instructor was saying about how many more lessons it was going to take,and he was talking of another 2 cheques of £240 if not more. I told him then you getting taking advantage off her by sounds of things and you should look into going elsewhere,if for another opinion.How can an instructor be saying to him you going take this amount lessons,noone really knows.
I'm just going by I've heard on here at times about some people having 12 hrs and passing etc. I just know after a couple wks he was actually driving from this town to the next and so on,so he seemed to be making pretty quick progress. Ok I can't be so like sure about all the taking advantage part but it seems like it to me,he could least gone elsewhere,as it pays to shop around. You don't just go to buy something expensive and buy 1st thing you see,you look around.
#3
o dear... hubbies never wanna be told they r doing something wrong..so annoying....

in a nutshell.. is this right.. the prob is he has bad eyesight and wont go for an eye test and get specs?
#4
faiza1
o dear... hubbies never wanna be told they r doing something wrong..so annoying....

in a nutshell.. is this right.. the prob is he has bad eyesight and wont go for an eye test and get specs?


He is fully aware of his eye sight and as worn spectacles since he was primary school,5 or 6 yr old probably.
He is also under eye clinic,he as detached retinas and can't see above him,he goes to eye clinic about once a yr when they call for him. He been told by consultant if he can't see so far above him,like say you hold your hand above his head he can't see at a certain point where people with normal eyes can.Then he needs to call up pronto and they see about an eye operation .. yeh NHS as if its that easy. Hard to explain that bit,I don't full understand it either.
#5
so its not a simple case of his eyesight having deteriorated...and just getting new specs... i get it! o dear..

looks like the only thing u can do is try sort an appointment with NHS? its lame i know.... as its not gonna happen asap.....

private is an option but when uve spent so much i dont think ud wana add to it....

and hes not willing to put the lessons on hold? hmmm... sorry i really dont know..but if anyone else knows how u can stop hubbues being soooo stubborn please let me know as well.. mine is the same..doennt like being told he is wrong or not doing something right....

good luck mum2c&c......

u could always try the ' fine im spending money on xyz' trck but then that doesnt work!

throwing a strop.... doesnt work when they r that stubborn ether...

really feel for u... :)
#6
With an eye condition you have to fully declare it no matter how bad it is and they will clear you to drive or not you can recieve a fine or ban if you don't declare it. I see an eye surgeon every 3 months due to a condition i have and as soon as i was diagnosed the hospital contacted the DVLA and i received a letter to say i cannot drive even though i don't even have a provisional so they will find out.
Good luck sending you a big hug xx
#7
faiza1
so its not a simple case of his eyesight having deteriorated...and just getting new specs... i get it! o dear..

looks like the only thing u can do is try sort an appointment with NHS? its lame i know.... as its not gonna happen asap.....

private is an option but when uve spent so much i dont think ud wana add to it....

and hes not willing to put the lessons on hold? hmmm... sorry i really dont know..but if anyone else knows how u can stop hubbues being soooo stubborn please let me know as well.. mine is the same..doennt like being told he is wrong or not doing something right....

good luck mum2c&c......

u could always try the ' fine im spending money on xyz' trck but then that doesnt work!

throwing a strop.... doesnt work when they r that stubborn ether...

really feel for u... :)


Well the detached retinas,I don't think thats got a lot to do with the seeing aspect ahead to read something. The optician said to him in way if his eyes,they can't improve his eyesight at all.
He's always gone for regular tests and when changed prescriptions,he has bought new lenses etc
1 Like #8
Bsm - they want fast and good success rates - all instructers get paid the same so there is no incentive for them to drag the lessons out like some do...
Think it's best to back off from hubby now, I know you're trying to get him to see sense. .. but it's best to just calmly say your piece and them leave him to stew on your thoughts for a while. Men think you are trying to control them if you pressure them into doin something ... even if you are only trying to make them understand how messed up their logic is!!!
I know how frustrated you must be with all the money spent ... I had to stop my lessons last year cos I couldn't afford them!!!
Hope he comes to the right decsion soon ...
#9
dmissy13
With an eye condition you have to fully declare it no matter how bad it is and they will clear you to drive or not you can recieve a fine or ban if you don't declare it. I see an eye surgeon every 3 months due to a condition i have and as soon as i was diagnosed the hospital contacted the DVLA and i received a letter to say i cannot drive even though i don't even have a provisional so they will find out.
Good luck sending you a big hug xx


Well I told him about all this and that,but he just doesn't want to know. The optician says he is borderline if he should actually be driving. He said maybe in 10 yrs time,he won't be eligble likely as he's eye sight be so bad and there nothing they can do about it wether operation,you know laser treatment etc or stronger lenses etc.
I think he totally jumped into this and I told him but he wouldn't listen,and I'm trying advise him what he should be doing now about it. He not willing to let in over this mistake... a very big one at that,the money,its crazy high amount been wasted.
#10
dont really know hun...good luck though :)
#11
Sheriff Waffles
Bsm - they want fast and good success rates - all instructers get paid the same so there is no incentive for them to drag the lessons out like some do...
Think it's beat to back off from hubby now, I know you're trying to get him to see sense. .. but it's best to just calmly say your piece and them leave him to stew on your thoughts for a while. Men think you are trying to control them if you pressure them into doin something ... even if you are only trying to make them understand how messed up their logic is!!!
I know how frustrated you must be with all the money spent ... I had to stop my lessons last year cos I couldn't afford them!!!
Hope he comes to the right decsion soon ...


He not with BSM,he found an instructor other means. My Mum said the instructor should tested him,thats the 1st thing to have done. However my partner been signing left right and centre he is ok. He knew along and not wnating to admit anything,I don't know why he has to go jump in.
#12
he's being a fool and wasting money,all us blokes have dreams but we know when we are flogging a dead cat tell him from me he's flogging bones"time to stop"
#13
faiza1
dont really know hun...good luck though :)


I'm just needing a good rant about it all really,feels a bit better I've let a few ppl know how I'm feeling right now.I've got some other stuff on with various things,and it just seems like its worse than it is I suppose. Its more the money thing that annoying me the most.

I need get lunch and Mario Kart Wii turned up not long ago and Connor desperate to get it on,he waiting patiently I must say.
#14
Your right instructor should have tested ... and not taken your man's word for it.
Sorry, I meant if his eyesight is given the OK maybe he could try BSM, they don't mess about and drag lessons out.
1 Like #15
The instructor should have tested his eye sight on the first lesson?

Mine did and I sort of bluffed a bit as couldnt quite make it out, but had seen it when I was closer. Have now got new glasses (was waaaaaay overdue) and can make it out fine
1 Like #16
I am glad you feel a bit better having had a rant - it does help doesn't it? Surely if the optician is saying he is borderline for driving then he must think he IS actually ok at the moment - maybe you should double check with him. Also, could he ask the driving instructor to check whether he can see the correct distance to enable him to pass the test and drive safely?
Maybe he really doesn't want to face the fact that he might not be able to drive and is just going along with his head in the sand (not literally obviously). Sounds like maybe the ego needs a bit of a massage next time you "tackle" him about wasting money.
Good luck and I hope he is ok to drive and passes his test soon.
Hugs to you and your patient children xxx
#17
tooo much for me to read lol
#18
Sheriff Waffles
Your right instructor should have tested ... and not taken your man's word for it.
Sorry, I meant if his eyesight is given the OK maybe he could try BSM, they don't mess about and drag lessons out.


I think its a ll a bit late for him changing now,I did tell him too back in January that maybe he should look into going elsewhere. I didn't like how he was telling me about him being told it will def be this many more lessons for sure. Seems like he been taken for a ride etc.
#19
kelly_o_fanatic
The instructor should have tested his eye sight on the first lesson?

Mine did and I sort of bluffed a bit as couldnt quite make it out, but had seen it when I was closer. Have now got new glasses (was waaaaaay overdue) and can make it out fine


This what my Mum was saying,it's 1st thing they should been done.
It's all quite a mess the whole thing.
#20
kensington143
I am glad you feel a bit better having had a rant - it does help doesn't it? Surely if the optician is saying he is borderline for driving then he must think he IS actually ok at the moment - maybe you should double check with him. Also, could he ask the driving instructor to check whether he can see the correct distance to enable him to pass the test and drive safely?
Maybe he really doesn't want to face the fact that he might not be able to drive and is just going along with his head in the sand (not literally obviously). Sounds like maybe the ego needs a bit of a massage next time you "tackle" him about wasting money.
Good luck and I hope he is ok to drive and passes his test soon.
Hugs to you and your patient children xxx


Sure does help a little.

I don't think he wants to bring it up to be honest,I'm mad about all aspects of it really but in particular about the money. At times you could say I go without cos I'm so strict at times about money. I'm trying to be a bit more carefree lately but this knocked it on the head now!
#21
REDRANGER86
tooo much for me to read lol


bottom line is,my partner an idiot,I'm mad about it that,thats all you really need to know lol.
#22
raptorcigs
he's being a fool and wasting money,all us blokes have dreams but we know when we are flogging a dead cat tell him from me he's flogging bones"time to stop"


lol flogging a dead cat.
banned 1 Like #23
When he kills a child because he can't see them crossing the road....just a thought Mum2Connor&Cerys
#24
lumoruk
When he kills a child because he can't see them crossing the road....just a thought Mum2Connor&Cerys


Well yes theres that,I thought about all the implications that he is a danger to others.I've thought that if anything did happen and it got dug up,that he have no insurance and so on. Trust me I always think well ahead on things.

It's for him to sort out,if he can see fair enough,but the way he's acting at moment its like he not care and he needs to be getting it sorted out before he progresses any further to next stage,further he goes on the more money is going be wasted too.
If he can see what they need him to see so far,then fair enough,and if optician says he can drive legally.
The detached retinas is all about the sight above him,he can get on a bus and if he doesn't note the storage shelf above as he gets on then he could go to sit down and not notice it above him cos he can't see above him only so far. If that gets any worse to a certain point,then he will need op asap according to consultant. I'm also just going on what he told me,I don't go into any of these appointments with him.
1 Like #25
Maybe a good way for it to hit home is get him to read this thread then discuss it
#26
dmissy13
Maybe a good way for it to hit home is get him to read this thread then discuss it


yeh maybe but I think he be pretty mad I've gone onto some net forum and spoken about it.He doesn't use the net in the way I do,actually he barely comes online at all.

It's alright for him,he got more of a social life than me.:x

I still wouldn't think it sink in actually.
#27
Mum2Connor&Cerys
yeh maybe but I think he be pretty mad I've gone onto some net forum and spoken about it.He doesn't use the net in the way I do,actually he barely comes online at all.

It's alright for him,he got more of a social life than me.:x

I still wouldn't think it sink in actually.


my hubby not use the net much... forums are a great place to chill out / rant.... esp when u got lil uns to look after and cant get out as much. would not want hubby reading my posts really!! not saying/doing anything weird..but its kinda like MY space... iykwim
1 Like #28
Sweetheart....i sent you a hug before,here's another one :friends:

My take on this thing is this.......he maybe feeling a bit emasculated at the moment,the thought of his failing eyesight and possibly not being allowed to drive will be a huge dent in his male pride,add to that you being mad at him(not that you are in the wrong,far from it!) and also the possible waste of money,he probably feels really ****** as well.

from my experience(married for quite a while;-))telling them something they don't want to hear is considered nagging and they become a bit stubborn about it,but apart from being mad you are also losing sleep over this and that is not a good thing,you are probably worried more than you are angry(worried about the money,his sight and also the him possibly having to have an operation)

Nothing gets sorted in an argument imo because each side is more bothered about getting their opinion across and being in the right.When you have calmed down a bit and hopefully so has he,bring the subject up explaining to him that you are not sleeping properly because of the worry.It also sounds like you feel he is not being completely honest with you so I would mention this as well,this will hopefully open the door for him to tell you what his concerns may be.

Hope you get things sorted soon:)
#29
faiza1
my hubby not use the net much... forums are a great place to chill out / rant.... esp when u got lil uns to look after and cant get out as much. would not want hubby reading my posts really!! not saying/doing anything weird..but its kinda like MY space... iykwim


yeh I'm same,this is my little private thing,like you, nothing odd is going on.My partner doesn't really understand forums,however he does occaisonly get me to post here on his behalf when he wanting to know something.

I'm going get out tomorrow actually,might go swimming.My kids both be back at school Tuesday and my Mum has had them a fair bit already so we need to do something together.
#30
muckypup
Sweetheart....i sent you a hug before,here's another one :friends:

My take on this thing is this.......he maybe feeling a bit emasculated at the moment,the thought of his failing eyesight and possibly not being allowed to drive will be a huge dent in his male pride,add to that you being mad at him(not that you are in the wrong,far from it!) and also the possible waste of money,he probably feels really ****** as well.

from my experience(married for quite a while;-))telling them something they don't want to hear is considered nagging and they become a bit stubborn about it,but apart from being mad you are also losing sleep over this and that is not a good thing,you are probably worried more than you are angry(worried about the money,his sight and also the him possibly having to have an operation)

Nothing gets sorted in an argument imo because each side is more bothered about getting their opinion across and being in the right.When you have calmed down a bit and hopefully so has he,bring the subject up explaining to him that you are not sleeping properly because of the worry.It also sounds like you feel he is not being completely honest with you so I would mention this as well,this will hopefully open the door for him to tell you what his concerns may be.

Hope you get things sorted soon:)


Yeh I'm hoping things calm down and I can bring it up again,and hopefully I won't sound like I'm nagging. At the moment the part I'm so annoyed about is the money,yeh money not everything but it can sure help at times. And the fact he being quite immature about this and should be looking into it more,can I see or not this far,if not quit before anymore cash is wasted.

I'm not really that fussed about having a car,I don't really want for much at all really.Yeh sometimes there been times when it been a big help to have a car but luckily them occasions don't come up very often.
the operation isn't really any definite,consultant apprantly told him 1 day he could be fine then wake up the next and not be sort of thing,couldn't really say when it could happen,could be yrs away that it need doing.
#31
I think it's 30 metres away that you have to see. The best thing to do would be to test it and get him to see if he can read a number plate that is 30 metres away. Driving instructors should check this before they start any lessons with you.

The eyesight test is the first thing that they do on a driving test so there is no way around it.

If he is unable to see a number plate 30 metres away then i wouldn't recommend any more lessons unless he can get his eyes fixed, it will be a waste of money.

Learning to drive is incredibly expensive. When i did it I was using money earned from a part time job and I couldn't always afford to carry on so I had a couple of breaks, it didn't do any harm.

If the instructor has recommended more lessons then this is probably for experience on the road (the most important part of learning) and also because they like to keep a good pass rate. There are so many people looking for driving lessons all the time that they wouldn't stop him from putting in for his test just to make more money, they have no need.

Hope this helps
#32
gemz700
I think it's 30 metres away that you have to see. The best thing to do would be to test it and get him to see if he can read a number plate that is 30 metres away. Driving instructors should check this before they start any lessons with you.

The eyesight test is the first thing that they do on a driving test so there is no way around it.

If he is unable to see a number plate 30 metres away then i wouldn't recommend any more lessons unless he can get his eyes fixed, it will be a waste of money.

Lerning to drive is incredibly expensive. When i did it I was using money earned from a part time job and I couldn't always afford to carry on so I had a couple of breaks, it didn't do any harm.

If the instructor has recommended more lessons then this is probably for experience on the road (the most important part of learning) and also because they like to keep a good pass rate. There are so many people looking for driving lessons all the time that they wouldn't stop him from putting in for his test just to make more money, they have no need.

Hope this helps


Yeh he going have to have a good read up about it on official website and see exactly and go out and see,but this what I mean he isn't willing to do it and just going ahead and carrying on with the lessons like there is no issue.
30 meters is quite far,blimey how would we measure 30 meters.
I doubt he would get the rest of cheque back now anyway...I don't know what he thinking etc about it all,doesn't want to talk about it,says i'm a nagging ... so I'm keeping quiet for moment.

Could do with borrowing one them wheel thinsg that click every meter,used 1 in school as a kid.
#33
Well a metre is about one large step, so if you take 30 large steps from a car and get him to read it, it should be pretty accurate.

The examiners on the test only estimate it anyway. If you cant read it from where they estimate then they will measure it before they fail you. I am shocked that his driving instructor didn't check it though. Perhaps you could get him to speak to his instructor about it? You really don't want him putting in for his test and being failed on eyesight....driving tests are expensive - especially as you have to pay for a 2 hour lesson AS WELL as the test!!!

If I were you, I'd try and remain calm about it. Just speak to your OH calmly and just suggest speaking to his instructor about the eyesight test. It might help if it's someone else that speaks to him about it as it probably is a bit of a pride issue. You know men and cars!
#34
gemz700
Well a metre is about one large step, so if you take 30 large steps from a car and get him to read it, it should be pretty accurate.

The examiners on the test only estimate it anyway. If you cant read it from where they estimate then they will measure it before they fail you. I am shocked that his driving instructor didn't check it though. Perhaps you could get him to speak to his instructor about it? You really don't want him putting in for his test and being failed on eyesight....driving tests are expensive - especially as you have to pay for a 2 hour lesson AS WELL as the test!!!

If I were you, I'd try and remain calm about it. Just speak to your OH calmly and just suggest speaking to his instructor about the eyesight test. It might help if it's someone else that speaks to him about it as it probably is a bit of a pride issue. You know men and cars!


Yeh I know 100cm is 1 meter but really in our situation could do with measuring it as accurate as can. Well I don't think he will want to,he doesn't really like speaking about certain things and this be one of them,anything that making him look stupid,although he making the actual thing more stupid by carrying on.
He must damn well known he couldn't see that far when he was doing the checklist.
Like I went to opticians the other wk,now I know myself I probably needed glasses cos I can remember not so long back hwo far I could see etc and I not been for 2 yrs for eye sight test and I was told I do need glasses and I've got my prescription. I know my eyes are not as good as they were so surely he knew he cou;dn't see that far,this really annoying me if he went ahead regardless of knowing. Maybe he has done and didn't think they even distance test him. OMG this is getting worse more I think about it.
banned#35
Either hes a terrible driver or his instructor is ripping him off! Never heard of anyone having 60 lessons before even having one test!

Why not just get hubby to try to read a number plate when he gets in. You must be able to read a new style number plate from a distance of 20.5 metres (65 foot). so go outside and note down a number plate thats around this distance from your front door.

Grab him as he walks through the door and ask him to read it. If he fails miserably then you are just throwing good money after bad as he will need glasses to even take the test. No doubt, if you purchase glasses, he will need extra lessons to cater for the fact he is now wearing glasses as his perspective etc will have changed.

Surely you have a 5meter tape measure in the house?
banned 1 Like #36
or you can take the eyesight test here

http://www.vutest.com/seedrive/index.htm
1 Like #37
yeah perhaps he just doesn't want to admit it to himself.

I'd just speak to him and make sure he is aware that he cannot get out of the eyesight test when he's on his driving test. Just make sure that when you speak to him you seem like you're on his side. That might help
#38
csiman
Either hes a terrible driver or his instructor is ripping him off! Never heard of anyone having 60 lessons before even having one test!

Why not just get hubby to try to read a number plate when he gets in. You must be able to read a new style number plate from a distance of 20.5 metres (65 foot). so go outside and note down a number plate thats around this distance from your front door.

Grab him as he walks through the door and ask him to read it. If he fails miserably then you are just throwing good money after bad as he will need glasses to even take the test. No doubt, if you purchase glasses, he will need extra lessons to cater for the fact he is now wearing glasses as his perspective etc will have changed.

Surely you have a 5meter tape measure in the house?



My Mum says he getting ripped off and as I said in an earlier post,I did tell him that mayeb he should consider going elsewhere for lessons. They say he not ready for test,when I did the last cheque which was beginning of this mth,he was takking about handing over a 5th one when this £240 run out. 12 lessons at £20 each it is,and he does 2 hrs a time.
Nah I think he doing pretty ok,within a few lessons,he was driving out this town,out to the next town on.
He has always had glasses,so its not the case he been going without etc.

I know I've got a regular tape that does clothes etc,but to be honest I don't buy much for house in way of diy stuff .
#39
csiman
Either hes a terrible driver or his instructor is ripping him off! Never heard of anyone having 60 lessons before even having one test!

Why not just get hubby to try to read a number plate when he gets in. You must be able to read a new style number plate from a distance of 20.5 metres (65 foot). so go outside and note down a number plate thats around this distance from your front door.

Grab him as he walks through the door and ask him to read it. If he fails miserably then you are just throwing good money after bad as he will need glasses to even take the test. No doubt, if you purchase glasses, he will need extra lessons to cater for the fact he is now wearing glasses as his perspective etc will have changed.

Surely you have a 5meter tape measure in the house?


Also I ain't bothering him just as he in from work.... Then I'd really get my head bitten off!
#40
OR

Trick him - when he gets in, draw his attention to something out the window that is about that far away and get him to look at it.

ie

"Ooh is that a new plate ford focus over there?" (wait for response) "OOh, those are nice aren't they!!!!" :w00t:

Post a Comment

You don't need an account to leave a comment. Just enter your email address. We'll keep it private.

...OR log in with your social account

...OR comment using your social account

Thanks for your comment! Keep it up!
We just need to have a quick look and it will be live soon.
The community is happy to hear your opinion! Keep contributing!