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Engineering Jokes

BillButter Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
Some little jokes about engineers, i might be able to find and post a few more later, enjoy :)

Understanding Engineers - One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
BillButter Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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banned#1
Number 5 doesn't really put engineers in the spotlight for the joke, so it doesnt count!
#2
my favourite is....

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."

"You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.

"I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"

"Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help far"

The man below responded, "You must be a Production Manager"

"I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"

"Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
#3
Like them, and smiley sids' too.

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