ermm....... I'm mourning for my friend :-( - HotUKDeals
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ermm....... I'm mourning for my friend :-(

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I've learnt today that my best friend from years ago, took her own life. I feel I have failed her by not keeping in touch :-( I'm in immense shock and sadness. Can't remember when I was so sa… Read More
Marina Avatar
7y, 5m agoPosted 7 years, 5 months ago
I've learnt today that my best friend from years ago, took her own life. I feel I have failed her by not keeping in touch :-(




I'm in immense shock and sadness. Can't remember when I was so sad before this.




Don't know why I am saying this to internet :) but hey I did, if anyone doesn't like it, feel free to hit spam button.
Marina Avatar
7y, 5m agoPosted 7 years, 5 months ago
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1 Like #1
My old work pal died from a brain tumour, i found out last night. Hes got a little boy, ever so sad.
1 Like #2
I feel for you.
I lost someone to suicide its very hard to take.
I know its awful when anyone dies but i think suicide brings extra feelings.
Hurt, hopelessness even anger.
1 Like #3
Not good, but your not to blame for it.
1 Like #4
Sorry for your loss, I lost my cousin in this way too he took his own life....but no-one really knew his problems as he didn't tell anyone.

There was probably not alot you could have done, don't beat yourself up :-)
banned 1 Like #5
Dont think anyone will hit spam hun.

You didn´t let her down

Take care
1 Like #6
You weren't to know. Don't feel upset. You don't know her reasons, but keep your chin up and keep smiling. Make the best of what you have.:)
1 Like #7
I'm here for you as always :)

You OK x
banned#8
You weren't to know. Don't feel upset. You don't know her reasons, but keep your chin up and keep smiling. Make the best of what you have


what he said
2 Likes #9
cw9652;7059339
I'm here for you as always :)

You OK x


:cry::cry:
banned 1 Like #10
Aw Marina, I was where you are now 3 year's ago.

If you want to pm me, I am here.

Also this website hepled me immensely and I went to a few of the meetings:-

http://www.uk-sobs.org.uk/

Big hugs x x
1 Like #11
cw9652
I'm here for you as always :)

You OK x


+1

rip
1 Like #12
my mam done this too, its caused so many feelings that werent expected, but one this i know for sure, it dosent matter what you could have or would have done, it would have still happened. most of the time peole who do this dont do it for a cry for help, they do it because they want to, and unfortunatly they dont think of the ones they leave behind. dont feel guilty, theres nothing anyone can do to prevent this from happening in most cases (well, in my experience anyway).
you will go through lots of unexpected feeling before you 'come to terms' with it, dont punish yourself though x
1 Like #13
I lost my dad in August ....so can totally sympathise with her family...however bad your feeling they will be devastated,so maybe get in touch,they will probably appreciate you just doing that.x
1 Like #14
A loss of life is tragic and it seems to happen without reason.So sorry for your sadness:friends:

love and support from the mikebike family xx
1 Like #15
marina how sad and your right to come on here for support as we are always here for you and dont think your to blame at all we do get tied up in our own day to day lives its soo easy to lose touch and i,m quite sure your friend would not want you to be feeling like this i am so sorry and if you need me i,m here xxx
#16
sorry xxxx
1 Like #17
oh sweetheart you did not fail your friend in any way shape or form. We all go through life just doing the best we can for ourselves and for those we love. We cant be there every second of every day even for our nearest and dearest. Even our children grow from us and make their own choices in life. You were not responsible for your friends death. You were not responsible for her depression or her actions in taking her own life. We all make our own decisions in this world and we are all responsible for our OWN choices.

Your sadness, your sense of loss, grief and even guilt is entirely normal darling and it just shows the goodness of your own heart. This distress is all part of the grief, my love.

Did this happen recently? Do you think you will be able to attend the funeral? It may help you if you can.

my thoughts are with you babe and if i could put my love in a box and send it to you to soothe you i would do so in an instant xxx
#18
everyones dying!

3 people at work have individual close people with cancer and like 2 weeks left.
one is a daughter. other 2 are mums who have cancer.

Marina, im sorry for your loss.
#19
:friends: xx
1 Like #20
ClarityofMind;7059660
oh sweetheart you did not fail your friend in any way shape or form. We all go through life just doing the best we can for ourselves and for those we love. We cant be there every second of every day even for our nearest and dearest. Even our children grow from us and make their own choices in life. You were not responsible for your friends death. You were not responsible for her depression or her actions in taking her own life. We all make our own decisions in this world and we are all responsible for our OWN choices.

Your sadness, your sense of loss, grief and even guilt is entirely normal darling and it just shows the goodness of your own heart. This distress is all part of the grief, my love.

Did this happen recently? Do you think you will be able to attend the funeral? It may help you if you can.

my thoughts are with you babe and if i could put my love in a box and send it to you to soothe you i would do so in an instant xxx



:cry::cry:


On saturday on her birthday. She was sooooooooooo brave, loving, outgoing and extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemely beautiful (to most eyes) :-(

Recently (after 2 yrs of lost touch) she has contacted my mom, asking for me. I was going to ring her, but kept postponing it. Thats why I feel I have let her down. :cry:
#21
Really sorry about that Marina :friends:


My best friend from childhood did the same thing about 10 years ago. You can't help feeling a sense of guilt about it at times. What could i have done to help him / her ?

Why on earth did they have to do it ??


My sympathy to you & your friends family.
#22
What a sad sad thing. Of course, you feel even more guilty and miserable that you haven't contacted her recently. Everyone would feel the same I would think, but you cannot second guess what might have been. As others on here have said, it's not your fault and indeed it isn't .
Thinking of you, as you feel so sad but knowing that you will grieve and be bereaved and then time will heal. It is also OK to feel happy.
:friends: Lots of love to you, funny and smashing lady. xx
banned#23
Marina
:cry::cry:

On saturday on her birthday. She was sooooooooooo brave, loving, outgoing and extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemely beautiful (to most eyes) :-(

Recently (after 2 yrs of lost touch) she has contacted my mom, asking for me. I was going to ring her, but kept postponing it. Thats why I feel I have let her down. :cry:


You weren't to know how desperate she was, I was supposed to be working with my friend the day he died.

I left the job not long afterwards because the grief was too difficult to cope with, I lost my grandad a month after him.

Eventually I contacted the s.o.b.s. website and realised I was not alone.

There is nothing that you can do now and you must carry on with your life just remembering the good times.

I still visit my friend's grave and so wish he could be here on his birthday, christmas and on the anniversary of his death.

Take care Marina x x
#24
Marina
:cry::cry:


On saturday on her birthday. She was sooooooooooo brave, loving, outgoing and extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemely beautiful (to most eyes) :-(

Recently (after 2 yrs of lost touch) she has contacted my mom, asking for me. I was going to ring her, but kept postponing it. Thats why I feel I have let her down. :cry:


if you are up to it and you are able i do believe it might help you if you can bring yourself to attend the funeral. It will be a very difficult day but the funeral is always the beginning of healing to friends and family left behind and you are going to have to be very gentle with yourself during this period.

Your friend was obviously very important to you and knowing you i am sure she was the beautiful wonderful woman you describe.

I understand why you felt you let her down but you dont know what was in her thoughts, whether she was of clear mind at the end, she may have well been incredibly depressed. Her actions were still her actions and *you are not responsible for them*.

Whatever you believe of the afterlife babe, if indeed there is any at all, she is beyond pain and hurt now. There is no more distress for her anymore. It is your own sadness you should be most concerned with as this is what your own children will be witnessing and feeling and you're a mum : your kids are what is most important. This is their first contact with mum feeling incredible grief too xxxxxx
#25
so sorry - XXX
#26
Awwww Marina.... Sooo sorry to hear this....Poor girl!

But as COM says, she is no longer in any pain, or suffering, weather it be physical or mental...
It was her choice, and I doubt that anyone could have altered the course of events...

Don't feel sorry for her now, but try to understand it's what she wanted..

Of course you will be sad, but don't put any blame whatsoever on yourself....

Do go to the funeral, it will help with the grieving, and her family will also appreciate it.


Keep your pecker up girl, and look after your family.
#27
sorry to hear bout this Marina :-( :friends: i'm sure she wouldnt want you to feel guilty, just pray for the family shes left behind :-(
2 Likes #28
Marina
:cry::cry:

I don't like it when you cry :oops:
Charlie Scene
+1

rip


Me and Charlie, (And I know a whole load more) here for you any time. (11pm onwards for me if possible) :) x
#29
Feelings of guilt are a natural part of the grieving process.

It takes time.

Sending you big hugs!
1 Like #30
awwww hunni I have just seen this and I do hope you are ok :friends:

There is nothing you could have done hun. I know those words don't mean much to you but it will take time.

Always here if you ever ever need me

xxxxxxxxx
#31
I'm just checking in to see how you are this morning.. not like you to go quiet.

Have left you my phone number babes, if you need me anytime, just call xxxx
#32
ClarityofMind
I'm just checking in to see how you are this morning.. not like you to go quiet.

Have left you my phone number babes, if you need me anytime, just call xxxx

That's nice of you :)
[mod]#33
My best mate died suddenly a few years ago of a heart attack and he was only 30..........always a reality check.
#34
Thank you all lovely people for your kind words.

I spoke to her mum on the phone for more than an hour last night (has never gone beyond, hi how are you, i'm fine before). Although nothing changes, she might have felt better atleast at micro or nano levels. Will try to establish connection with her kids (16,14) and see if I can be there for them atleast on a minor scale.

Apparently she was aspiring and working on something for the last couple of years and it failed big time last week which she couldn't cope with. :-(

I will always remember her smiling face, be grateful for the amazing friend she was, be angry with her for what she did now and pray for her peace. It was always hurt in a corner of my heart from now on.

Once again a big thank you to all. :friends:
#35
Marina
Thank you all lovely people for your kind words.

I spoke to her mum on the phone for more than an hour last night (has never gone beyond, hi how are you, i'm fine before). Although nothing changes, she might have felt better atleast at micro or nano levels. Will try to establish connection with her kids (16,14) and see if I can be there for them atleast on a minor scale.

Apparently she was aspiring and working on something for the last couple of years and it failed big time last week which she couldn't cope with. :-(

I will always remember her smiling face, be grateful for the amazing friend she was, be angry with her for what she did now and pray for her peace. It was always hurt in a corner of my heart from now on.

Once again a big thank you to all. :friends:


I lost my best friend in a similar way.. "Beaches" the movie always reminds me of our friendship and how important she was to me.... I'd say her influence on me was at least as important as the father of my children.

There's a news story somewhere about her death if I can find it... one sec xxx

http://archive.worcesternews.co.uk/2002/12/18/234730.html

Her car was stationary when someone else drove into the back of her at approx 80mph. Your convo with your friends Mum reminds me of my relationship with my friends mother.... was so hard for her, my thoughts are always with her, my friend left no children and she was her Mums only child..... so sad, so much loss.

It is people like this I take my strength from... there is nothing so beautiful as the bravery of a grieving heart showing kindness to others. Don't be angry with her babes..... she did the only thing she felt she could do to avoid dealing with the life she had made for herself xxxx

You'll be fine babes, really you will xxxx
#36
Awwww... only just read this thread, so sorry for your loss Marina :friends:

Thinking of you and please don't blame yourself (((hugs))) xxxx

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