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Error440's Christmas? Message

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As some of you know my life is crap and just keeps getting worse, the love of my life is running off to find happiness, he had some kind of mental breakdown after a death in the family which led him t… Read More
Error440 Avatar
4m, 2w agoPosted 4 months, 2 weeks ago
As some of you know my life is crap and just keeps getting worse, the love of my life is running off to find happiness, he had some kind of mental breakdown after a death in the family which led him to blame me, our child and our home for his misery.

He is leaving soon and as I dont work I fear eviction, nothing I have tried has worked, I've spoken to doctors, charities and the police no help at all, I've tried reaching out to him.

in my desperation I turned to jesus, I've believed in god for a long time but being born into a very narrow minded atheist family I've kept myself to myself, I have a cross, I pray thanks thats it, I got a bible last year to learn but until all this nightmare kicked off I'd never been in church.

Now I go almost everyday, I write prayer requests in the church books and use online prayer sites, as I type this I know well over 100 people have prayed for my family, at least 12 today alone. I don't care if you dear reader believe in god or not but it has shown me that despite the media endlessly trying to divide us, make out we are all selfish, deceitful creatures there is still plenty of good people in this world who do care and thats worth something, dont let the world media cloud your view and make you jaded towards humanity because of the actions of a few in power. have faith in your fellow man at least if not with god also.

As I sat in church today despairing and pleading to jesus a lady walked in looked at the notes on the prayer board and prayed for my family. people do care, remember that.
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Error440 Avatar
4m, 2w agoPosted 4 months, 2 weeks ago
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(5)
20 Likes
religion always scoops people up when they're vulnerable :p

Darkies guide to getting out of a pickle...

1. reassure the small person that it's not their fault that Daddy is acting all weird/gone AWOL
2. speak to whoever you pay rent to
3. speak to the DWP as soon as your circumstances change & they'll get you claiming the right things
4. evictions take months so don't worry about that yet... you would get emergency accommodation anyway, skanky B&B or something
5. spend a bit less time at church (even though it makes you feel better) & a bit more time getting practical advice to deal with the situation
13 Likes
Evening error, sorry to hear about what you're going through. Especially at this time of year. :( Not that it's any easier at any other time, but it must be hard trying to be all "jolly".

Just a couple of things that may (or may not) hopefully help.

You say you're not currently working, please try and get yourself out there. And I'm not saying it for anything other than it will help lift your spirits and take your mind off things. A few hours out of the house, doing something different will do you a world of good. You never know, you may even make some new friends and discover things about yourself as an individual that have so far been abandoned due to your relationship. If not work, then volunteer somewhere, homeless shelter, charity shop youth centre.... Plenty of places are always looking for a helping hand, and in turn it will help you too. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself (Sorry if that sounds harsh) will not help, not one bit.

Keep reminding your son that none of this is his fault. Children have a tendency of blaming themselves when couples split, try and be as neutral but as positive as possible. Harder said than done, but he's really gonna need a bit of positivity right now. And remember, in time he will also be happier. Nothing worse than being brought up in a hostile environment by parents who are constantly at each others throats. If you're both happier (even if it is apart) he will be too. Make it your own little adventure, just the two of you, to experience things on your own.

Let yourself feel the pain of it all, let it all in. The sooner you do, the quicker you'll come to terms with it. At the same time remind yourself that you've done all that you can but if it's not working, it's not working. You can't force these things. And in time, when/if your (ex) partner has healed a little and dealt with his own issues, you can always start again if that's what you both want.

Really hope you get what you want error. You're welcome to pm me if you need a chat. <3

Sorry for the long post.

Edited By: Aiden1512 on Dec 05, 2016 20:36
12 Likes
jasmineinlondon
Error440
jasmineinlondon
Error440
jasmineinlondon
Error440
jasmineinlondon
Error440
YouDontWantToKnow
Error440

That would be good too, better then version 0.2
Do yourself a big favour that will make your life to come so much easier.
Stop isolating the father from your children
He was here today, said his son didn't really care about him I had to encourage them to interact, I asked him if he would do something with us at the weekend, the small person wants him round on Sunday to play top trump's and things I asked about doing something Christmasy like going to see the winter wonderland in hyde park, he said he didn't know what he was doing at the weekend because he's tired and his back hurts.
He's isolating himself that's why he left, he feels compelled to, his flat has no TV signal, no phone, no internet, no heating. And he doesn't care.
Are you aware that winter wonderland is extremely expensive?
Isn't it free to walk around? It always used to be don't tell me the tight arsed have stuck a fence round it this year
It is free to walk around but I don't know ANY child who will happy to just do that without everything else going on, that's the design of the event. The event organisers have done a great job, no need to label them.
If you mean rides he doesn't moan to go such things, only one he's ever shown interest in was a miniature steam train he went on that twice
He will ask for rides, food and everything, all children do. They made it very enticing, that's the purpose obviously. So be warned, it's not an event for the skint.
Well that's what the word No is for
That's cruel. All kids are the same and don't do well with temptations. Trust me. Not the right event for the kid. It won't make him happy, it will make him angry and frustrated. Some events are just not for the poor.
Like Christmas and holidays? Perhaps the poor should just stay in their hovels? Children can be quite perceptive and not all children are want, want want. If op thinks he would enjoy it then it's her call not yours.
10 Likes
Is getting a job an option?, You are responsible for yourself and your child, as is your ex/partner (Assuming father). Your faith might help you but you have got to want to help yourself, God isn't going to fill in that job application form, Only you can do that.

You should get help with childcare costs etc..
10 Likes
My heart goes out to you.

I was at the point of needing to get my brother sectioned but thankfully I am the one person he will listen to and trust, and I persuaded him to go to hospital. He spent several weeks in a phychiatric ward and it saved his life. Now he is in a stable relationship, has a great job and is genuinely content. He's got through it and is a stronger and better man than he has ever been.

I also have a friend who has spent years sectioned with schizophrenia but the good news is that the doctors worked tirelessly to find a drug and treatment regime which has worked and he's totally back on track and you'd never know anything had been wrong.

All you can do is to be there to catch him when he asks for help or falls. It looks like you've already done what you can to help, but sometimes you have to take a step back and let them work it out on their own as pushing them to get help just makes them push you away. Loving them isn't enough to save them.

As mentioned before, if he cannot accept that there is a problem or that he needs help then there is little you can do, which is heartbreaking. He's not the person you know is inside, he's not the person you fell in love with and sometimes he's not a person you actually like. You probably still have love for him, but that doesn't mean you have to like them. Which is ok - you're allowed to feel that. You're allowed to feel that he's a selfish **** but you will also have that niggling feeling gnawing away at you which knows they're mentally unwell and thus it's not entirely their fault. But that person is also sometimes not entirely blameless, and they need to accept their faults and get help. They need to listen. They need to accept.

Maybe contact his mum and make sure she knows the full story. A letter might work. Something she can read and can take the information in on her own and in her own time, plus she won't get defensive like if it was on the phone or face to face.

Maybe the mum is the key.

I was the key for my brother.

Once he accepts help, life will improve for everyone. Not necessarily instantly, as psychiatric help is a long long road, but given time and a lot of trial and error you'll all get there.

Keep your head up.

PM me if you need to rant, cry or whatever.





Edited By: sickly sweet on Dec 11, 2016 01:54: Edit

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1 Like #1
Nice touch, thanks for sharing, all the best for xmas.
#2
if hes the sole earner ...with him gone are you not entitled to full benefits inc housing?
2 Likes #3
so sorry to read what you are going through. :(
#4
brilly
if hes the sole earner ...with him gone are you not entitled to full benefits inc housing?

Housing benefit is capped remember and I live in london, I dont care that much about moving if we have to lot of bad memories here now but the small person will have lost his dad, his home and his school and school friends and that would not be good for him
8 Likes #5
What has happened? Where is he going? How absolutely awful for you all :-(. I would contact citizens advice sweetheart, if you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me, i'm not much use but can offer a friendly ear x
5 Likes #6
I hope you find happiness, churches can be very good places to find hope and compassion. Even the most unlikely people can be kind, given the opportunity to show it.
2 Likes #7
The biggest gift we can give as Human beings is unconditional ❤️ and support to the most vulnerable! Whatever path your on in life God bless
5 Likes #8
I personally don't think religion is your answer but best of luck in whatever you choose to do.
20 Likes #9
religion always scoops people up when they're vulnerable :p

Darkies guide to getting out of a pickle...

1. reassure the small person that it's not their fault that Daddy is acting all weird/gone AWOL
2. speak to whoever you pay rent to
3. speak to the DWP as soon as your circumstances change & they'll get you claiming the right things
4. evictions take months so don't worry about that yet... you would get emergency accommodation anyway, skanky B&B or something
5. spend a bit less time at church (even though it makes you feel better) & a bit more time getting practical advice to deal with the situation
3 Likes #10
I would just say once you feel better and if possible try thinking about a career, worst thing I find is sat at home on the pc all day.
#11
brilly
if hes the sole earner ...with him gone are you not entitled to full benefits inc housing?

not sure about 'sole' earner, but you nearly got it right:p
2 Likes #12
I wish you and your son all the best OP. I sincerely hope you find alternative accommodation ASAP. Have you tried explaining the situation to your housing association? You may be entitled to some help and they should advise you of other agencies which could help you and your child. In my local church there is a charity that works with families that need a bit of support, I don't know if yours Is the same but it is worth asking.
10 Likes #13
Is getting a job an option?, You are responsible for yourself and your child, as is your ex/partner (Assuming father). Your faith might help you but you have got to want to help yourself, God isn't going to fill in that job application form, Only you can do that.

You should get help with childcare costs etc..
banned 4 Likes #14
Time is a great healer. You will come out of this.

A lesson I don't believe will apply to you, but it's still worth mentioning. Never ever say a bad word about your partner to your son.

Try to encourage regular times together between your son and his dad. If you can try to avoid 'just popping over scenarios'. Kids thrive on routine. Whether it be once a week, once a day or once a fortnight, make sure there's a definite pattern. Your son will be most comfortable with that.

Your life will not be like this for evermore. Most have gone through a breakdown in a relationship. You will come out the other side.
banned 6 Likes #15
airfix
I would just say once you feel better and if possible try thinking about a career, worst thing I find is sat at home on the pc all day.
lol in other words, you're telling op to stop ranting on here and to go and get a job, great advice
banned 2 Likes #16
shauneco
Is getting a job an option?, You are responsible for yourself and your child, as is your ex/partner (Assuming father). Your faith might help you but you have got to want to help yourself, God isn't going to fill in that job application form, Only you can do that.
You should get help with childcare costs etc..

I believe God will always help the broken hearted if He is asked, but yes that doesn't mean one can just sit back and do nowt. I can remember being unable to function when an ex left me after a 6 year relationship. I was devastated and truth be told I didn't even want to be with her.

Edited By: cchopps on Dec 05, 2016 16:23
8 Likes #17
No beans on toast for the OH on Xmas day this year then?
3 Likes #18
God Bless you Error440 and I hope you and your family have a great Christmas despite all that's happened
3 Likes #19
jasmineinlondon
airfix
I would just say once you feel better and if possible try thinking about a career, worst thing I find is sat at home on the pc all day.
lol in other words, you're telling op to stop ranting on here and to go and get a job, great advice

I like you Jasmine-



https://christthetruth.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/apprentice-youre-hired1.jpg
banned 2 Likes #20
Dont know what to say Error

Is he working? Child maintenance will help.

Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
banned 1 Like #21
airfix
jasmineinlondon
airfix
I would just say once you feel better and if possible try thinking about a career, worst thing I find is sat at home on the pc all day.
lol in other words, you're telling op to stop ranting on here and to go and get a job, great advice
I like you Jasmine-https://christthetruth.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/apprentice-youre-hired1.jpg

haha I already have a job, give it to op, he needs it
#22
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...

What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)
banned 6 Likes #23
airfix
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)

Who knows? But there is a hell of a difference living in a house with your child & the company of your partner (ex- partner) & getting a flat on your lonesome without their company.

Looks like he is suffering from depression & possibly even a bit of post traumatic stress. In any event going to live alone isnt going to help with his illness.
4 Likes #24
Hi Error440, sorry to hear your going through a tough time and it's lovely that you are finding peace through coming closer to God. I hope things get better for you and the clarity will help you make sense of what to do next. Take things one step at a time and with every passing day things will start to get easier. Sit down and write the things you need to sort out and one by one work through them, you will get through this and it will make you stronger, your small person needs you. Hope things get better soon x
5 Likes #25
Don't know enough about your situation to comment too much, but personally I'd try and find the strength to make positive change within yourself and not in religion or prayer.

You have that power, as does everyone and it doesn't come from some divine being but for yourself.

Your child needs that person too, not faith, not prayer, but a mum. However difficult you may feel it is, that's your job now.
5 Likes #26
DarkEnergy2012
religion always scoops people up when they're vulnerable :p
Darkies guide to getting out of a pickle...
1. reassure the small person that it's not their fault that Daddy is acting all weird/gone AWOL
2. speak to whoever you pay rent to
3. speak to the DWP as soon as your circumstances change & they'll get you claiming the right things
4. evictions take months so don't worry about that yet... you would get emergency accommodation anyway, skanky B&B or something
5. spend a bit less time at church (even though it makes you feel better) & a bit more time getting practical advice to deal with the situation

Hi DE,
Religion also gives people the strength to carry on when there is nothing left and eases their pain in their hour of need.
It's better to take the religious path then go on a self destruct or worse with induced hate and self pity residing inside you.
I'm not speaking from personal experience but from observation of some people I know.

Belief is a powerful tool.
3 Likes #27
YouDontWantToKnow
Dont know what to say Error
Is he working? Child maintenance will help.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...


I hope so, he needs help not to blame his feelings on everything around him and run off, yes he is working thats the one thing he's always done, workaholic everything else takes a back seat school play soon, he's never been to one always working or out lord knows where.

Once he's paid his rent and child maintenance he's not going to have much left over, he may very well have beans on toast for Christmas dinner, he got a new job and chucked all his savings down for a flat without knowing what his take home pay was, plus he didn't think he'd have to pay child maintenance. He's gonna have less a week then whatever my JSA will be thats for sure. All this could have been avoided if he'd just spoken to his GP instead of being in denial about his meltdown. I kerp telling him one day he's going to regret all this and he's going to reap what he sows.
#28
airfix
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)


No such thing, he's miserable, selfish, callous, paranoid and irrational, he's also pessimistic and negative. I say I love him his answer is he doesn't care or I'm lying, our child says he loves him his answer is he doesn't really love him he's just saying that.
happiness isnt something you find you have to be happy as a person first you cant heap your happiness on someone or something as a requirement to fulfil you will fail, especially with that attitude.

Besides I've spoken to a lot of people with mood disorders and there victims, they tend to either get better by finally getting medical help and if that happens they normally go back to their families or they stay in denial and get worse, if they do start new relationships they tend to end up in abusive relationships with other crackpots, in fact most people with mood disorders dont decide to get treatment they get picked up by the law and forced to have mental assessments even then a lot still wont accept it and throw their meds away, duck out of therapy etc.
7 Likes #29
Error440
YouDontWantToKnow
Dont know what to say Error
Is he working? Child maintenance will help.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
I hope so, he needs help not to blame his feelings on everything around him and run off, yes he is working thats the one thing he's always done, workaholic everything else takes a back seat school play soon, he's never been to one always working or out lord knows where.
Once he's paid his rent and child maintenance he's not going to have much left over, he may very well have beans on toast for Christmas dinner, he got a new job and chucked all his savings down for a flat without knowing what his take home pay was, plus he didn't think he'd have to pay child maintenance. He's gonna have less a week then whatever my JSA will be thats for sure. All this could have been avoided if he'd just spoken to his GP instead of being in denial about his meltdown. I kerp telling him one day he's going to regret all this and he's going to reap what he sows.

You obviously care alot about him and seem to put up with alot, maybe not through choice but as a means.

Sadly you'll probably be best to let him go, let him make a massive mistake, that is his choice, His mistake, not yours.

You need to concentrate on yourself and your child.
#30
Anyway focus on tne message people theres loads of nice folk out there, religion brings people together and gives hope and support.

Then you have things like foodbanks, medical charities etc if you dont want to be religious I'm sure its nice to put your faith in something else and see how many others are doing the same lets face it politicians all over the world hold all the power and money, yet its all the charities around the world that really improve peoples lives and thats doen to normal folk.
1 Like #31
dtovey89
I personally don't think religion is your answer but best of luck in whatever you choose to do.


Won't be everyone's answer, but some people find it helps them and that's only a good thing, I'm in the same kind of situation tbh and I've never set foot in church but only to say goodbye to loved ones.

I pray sometimes for god to make things better for me, when I think about it now it sounds silly as Ive never followed religion.
#32
Error440
airfix
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)
No such thing, he's miserable, selfish, callous, paranoid and irrational, he's also pessimistic and negative...... they tend to end up in abusive relationships with other crackpots.....

Hope it turns out as well as possible for all concerned. Do you really think he will end up going out for a burger, when he has a Fray Bentos Pie at home?
8 Likes #33
Saturn
Error440
airfix
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)
No such thing, he's miserable, selfish, callous, paranoid and irrational, he's also pessimistic and negative...... they tend to end up in abusive relationships with other crackpots.....
Hope it turns out as well as possible for all concerned. Do you really think he will end up going out for a burger, when he has a Fray Bentos Pie at home?


........ assume you think those are nice then?

Not sure if I've just been insulated or not :{
6 Likes #34
Error440
Saturn
Error440
airfix
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)
No such thing, he's miserable, selfish, callous, paranoid and irrational, he's also pessimistic and negative...... they tend to end up in abusive relationships with other crackpots.....
Hope it turns out as well as possible for all concerned. Do you really think he will end up going out for a burger, when he has a Fray Bentos Pie at home?
........ assume you think those are nice then?
Not sure if I've just been insulated or not :{



Feel the warmth of the Lord, and let Him be your guide. <3
13 Likes #35
Evening error, sorry to hear about what you're going through. Especially at this time of year. :( Not that it's any easier at any other time, but it must be hard trying to be all "jolly".

Just a couple of things that may (or may not) hopefully help.

You say you're not currently working, please try and get yourself out there. And I'm not saying it for anything other than it will help lift your spirits and take your mind off things. A few hours out of the house, doing something different will do you a world of good. You never know, you may even make some new friends and discover things about yourself as an individual that have so far been abandoned due to your relationship. If not work, then volunteer somewhere, homeless shelter, charity shop youth centre.... Plenty of places are always looking for a helping hand, and in turn it will help you too. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself (Sorry if that sounds harsh) will not help, not one bit.

Keep reminding your son that none of this is his fault. Children have a tendency of blaming themselves when couples split, try and be as neutral but as positive as possible. Harder said than done, but he's really gonna need a bit of positivity right now. And remember, in time he will also be happier. Nothing worse than being brought up in a hostile environment by parents who are constantly at each others throats. If you're both happier (even if it is apart) he will be too. Make it your own little adventure, just the two of you, to experience things on your own.

Let yourself feel the pain of it all, let it all in. The sooner you do, the quicker you'll come to terms with it. At the same time remind yourself that you've done all that you can but if it's not working, it's not working. You can't force these things. And in time, when/if your (ex) partner has healed a little and dealt with his own issues, you can always start again if that's what you both want.

Really hope you get what you want error. You're welcome to pm me if you need a chat. <3

Sorry for the long post.

Edited By: Aiden1512 on Dec 05, 2016 20:36
1 Like #36
I haven't got anything else to add, everyone has already posted good advice. Just wanted to add my thoughts for you. x
6 Likes #37
http://rightsofwomen.org.uk

You can get free legal advice regarding your housing situation ^^^.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your child is to be proactive about your situation. It may be awful when he leaves but you will lose the stress of the duress you have been living under with him the way he is.

Prayers and good wishes may help you feel better in the short term but you need security and financial help to you and your son. Find out where you stand in regards to receiving housing benefit and other benefits. Use a simple spreadsheet to budget your finances.

You would benefit from working 16 hours a week or part time studying, it will get you meeting people for a start.

You always sound very isolated and lonely. Life and circumstance have been grinding you down but you can help yourself by trying to work or returning to education. Don't sit back and let life happen to you, actively look for ways to improve your life. I know that may be easier said than done but you would feel so much better if you could secure a job or be studying.

You are also very hard on yourself, be a bit kinder to yourself, you are a victim of circumstance and haven't deliberately brought misery upon yourself.

Please ask if there is anything any of us can do to support you or boost your morale. Even if its just you chatting on here to get it off your chest, we are here to listen and offer practical help when we can or just be a kind ear for you.<3
2 Likes #38
Aiden1512
Evening error, sorry to hear about what you're going through. Especially at this time of year. :( Not that it's any easier at any other time, but it must be hard trying to be all "jolly".
Just a couple of things that may (or may not) hopefully help.
You say you're not currently working, please try and get yourself out there. And I'm not saying it for anything other than it will help lift your spirits and take your mind off things. A few hours out of the house, doing something different will do you a world of good. You never know, you may even make some new friends and discover things about yourself as an individual that have so far been abandoned due to your relationship. If not work, then volunteer somewhere, homeless shelter, charity shop youth centre.... Plenty of places are always looking for a helping hand, and in turn it will help you too. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself (Sorry if that sounds harsh) will not help, not one bit.
Keep reminding your son that none of this is his fault. Children have a tendency of blaming themselves when couples split, try and be as neutral but as positive as possible. Harder said than done, but he's really gonna need a bit of positivity right now. And remember, in time he will also be happier. Nothing worse than being brought up in a hostile environment by parents who are constantly at each others throats. If you're both happier (even if it is apart) he will be too. Make it your own little adventure, just the two of you, to experience things on your own.
Let yourself feel the pain of it all, let it all in. The sooner you do, the quicker you'll come to terms with it. At the same time remind yourself that you've done all that you can but if it's not working, it's not working. You can't force these things. And in time, when/if your (ex) partner has healed a little and dealt with his own issues, you can always start again if that's what you both want.
Really hope you get what you want error. You're welcome to pm me if you need a chat. <3
Sorry for the long post.

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

and keep the faith

ppl of no faith never understand its power
1 Like #39
As a famous McMahon man once said,

Life Sucks, and then you die.
banned 3 Likes #40
Saturn
Error440
Saturn
Error440
airfix
YouDontWantToKnow
.
Once he moves out he will probably regret it...
What if he finds happiness? (as stated in op)
No such thing, he's miserable, selfish, callous, paranoid and irrational, he's also pessimistic and negative...... they tend to end up in abusive relationships with other crackpots.....
Hope it turns out as well as possible for all concerned. Do you really think he will end up going out for a burger, when he has a Fray Bentos Pie at home?
........ assume you think those are nice then?
Not sure if I've just been insulated or not :{
Feel the warmth of the Lord, and let Him be your guide. <3

Who is that 'Lord' who pays the heating bills.... I need to send him mine.

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