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Essex girl fest!!!!

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banned8y, 6m agoPosted 8 years, 6 months ago
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.

'How many children?' asks the council worker.

'10' replies the Essex girl.
'10?' says the council worker. 'What are their names?'

'Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne.'

'Doesn't that get confusing?'

'Naah...' says the Essex girl 'its great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S
READY, or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it...'

'What if you want to speak to one individually?' says the perturbed council worker.

'That's easy,' says the Essex girl... 'I just use their surnames.'



An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
garment on the counter.

'I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress.' she says.

'Come again?' says the clerk, cupping his ear.

'No' she replies. 'This time it's mayonnaise.'



Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says 'Choose from our range on the wall.'

She says 'I'll take the red one.'

The man replies 'That's a fire extinguisher.'



An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: 'It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?'

Girl: 'OK'
Medic: 'What's your name?'

Girl: ' Sharon .'

Medic: 'OK Sharon , is this your car?'

Sharon : 'Yes.'

Medic: 'Where are you bleeding from?'

Sharon : 'Romford, mate.'



An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, 'Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!'

'It's not just one car!' said the Essex girl, 'There's friggin hundreds of them!'


Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the ground.

Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.'

Sharon : 'Ok.'

Medic: 'How many fingers am I putting up?'

Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!'



An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, 'Scuse me mate, I ain't being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?'

The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, 'Well, I'm a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me right foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot'

'Cor blimey', exclaims the Essex girl, 'So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them!'


Content may be of an adult theme - so sorry to BG in advance for not understanding them!!!
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banned8y, 6m agoPosted 8 years, 6 months ago
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(18) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
http://cache.virtualtourist.com/2199107-Standard_essex_girl_joke-Basildon.gif
#2
seen them b4 but I laughed just as much 2nd time round :)
#3
'That's easy,' says the Essex girl... 'I just use their surnames.'
lol
1 Like #4
I dont get the c an a bit :-/
banned#5
4241mackay;2372561
I dont get the c an a bit :-/


Never mind. I doubt BG will either.
1 Like #6
4241mackay
I dont get the c an a bit :-/


r u joking :?
#7
no lol :(
#8
o i c lmao! i do remember it now lmao, im blonde everyone :D
banned#9
nikkib123;2372596
C & A is a shop name - prob before your time (alas not before mine though)


I'm not sure that was the problem!!!!! lol
#10
guv
I'm not sure that was the problem!!!!! lol


And that comment has probably gone straight over his head as well !!!:whistling:
#11
They r sooo funny & i not heard them before.
Mackay's one was the funniest :w00t: pmsl
#12
guv
I'm not sure that was the problem!!!!! lol


rangermastiffs
And that comment has probably gone straight over his head as well !!!:whistling:


Probably true but who cares he is one of the unknowingly funniest on here - Mackay you maka me laugh :-D
#13
:giggle:
banned#14
I almost wet myself when I read the fire extinguisher and dry cleaners ones!!!
#15
4241mackay
I dont get the c an a bit :-/

c@?T and ar$£ (front bum back bum) hope i have not offended
#16
hahahaha :giggle: :lol: v good
banned#17
ahh man, i was looking forward to the "Essex girl fest" then i realized it was a joke :-(
#18
DangerGod
ahh man, i was looking forward to the "Essex girl fest" then i realized it was a joke :-(


Nice to see you back from the naughty step Mr Danger... It was quiet without you....:whistling:


http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk209/ambrossious/tumbleweed.gif

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