When I was 8 my mum and dad got me and my brother to sit with them downstairs in the living room to tell us that he was leaving. They gave no reason why just that he was leaving. My brother who was a year younger went running upstairs crying. I sat there speechless.
Over the next few years he would see us every weekend. He was a policeman so I really looked up to him.
When i was 14 I didn't want to see him anymore because all we did was go to asda. So my mum didn't make us go anymore. Then when I was 22 I wanted to see him again. But now he only wanted to shake my hand as a greeting.
I got drunk one night and text him telling him not to forget us and that I didnt want to shake hands I wanted a hug.
It took Councilling from two different counselors before I was near okay, they basically said stop expecting your dad to be the dad you wanted.
I'm now 31, I'm still hung up on my dads absence. i see him more often than my mum now. even though she lives 5 miles away and him 10 x the distance. I still feel as distant from him as ever.
every father son moment in films on TV in papers in stories gets me close to tears.
I wish every day my mum had let him stay, he was a cheating bar steward. so I don't hold a grudge against her for that. I have kids of my own now, I've been there. had it offered on a plate. my first thought were my kids. I could never... ever put them through this. every Christmas is torture, just another year of when my dad wasn't there. this was the first Christmas in 23 years that he was here and it meant the world to me :)