Fancy a challenge? Can you find a monkey/monkey related joke - HotUKDeals
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Fancy a challenge? Can you find a monkey/monkey related joke

Mrs.Z Avatar
6y, 10m agoPosted 6 years, 10 months ago
The catch? Must be suitable for children, particularly 5 year olds!

Please help!

Winner gets a prize - free rep! :-D

Thank yous x
Mrs.Z Avatar
6y, 10m agoPosted 6 years, 10 months ago
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Comments/page:
#1
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.
#2
Q: What's dangerous and swings from trees?

A: A monkey with a chainsaw.
#3
I found them funny, dunno about a 5yo though :-D
1 Like #4
Two monkeys in a bath, one says ooh ooh ah ah. The other says well put some more cold in
#5
What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom
1 Like #6
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing. Bananas don't talk!

How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!

Might be funny for a 5yr old :)
1 Like #7
Q: What did the banana say to the monkey?
A: Nothing. Bananas don't talk!

Q. What kind of key doesn't open a door?
A. A monkey!

Q. What is smarter than a talking monkey?
A. A spelling bee!

Q. What side of a monkey has more hair?
A. The outside.
#8
tkelo
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing. Bananas don't talk!

How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!

Might be funny for a 5yr old :)


haha, snap
#9
LOL! I liked them ones too! :p
#10
Love them! My fave for the 5yo's at this time is the 'banana-ster' one - please keep them coming! x
#11
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,
then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.
"He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"Now what?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
#12
vinnyabdn
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,
then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.
"He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"Now what?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"


[COLOR="Red"]I have mentioned at least twice that the joke must be suitable for 5 year olds[/COLOR] :w00t::w00t::w00t:
#13
It could be worse! :-D
#14
Where should a monkey go when he loses his tail?

To a retailer




Why don't monkeys play cards in the jungle?

Too many cheetas running around!
1 Like #15
A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over.

"Where they going ?" asks the Irish chap.
"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
"Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way.

The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.

"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo !"
"I did," says the Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers."
#16
flyingflea
A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over.

"Where they going ?" asks the Irish chap.
"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
"Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way.

The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.

"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo !"
"I did," says the Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers."


Oh my gosh I love it!!!

Dunno if I can let you win though as I can't use it for my purposes due to the racialisationism :-D
#17
Mrs.Z
Oh my gosh I love it!!!

Dunno if I can let you win though as I can't use it for my purposes due to the racialisationism :-D


Irish isn't a race!!
#18
Q) Why did the baboon have a bright red bum

A) Because he was lying on the ground when a gorilla jumped out of the bushes and went down on him
#19
flyingflea
Irish isn't a race!!


You know full well what I mean :p
#20
Jumpingphil
Blimey, that isn't even slightly funny.
The OP wanted jokes for a 5 year old, not by a five year old. :w00t:


I didnt even bother replying to that one :roll:

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