feeling a little blue...... - HotUKDeals
We use cookie files to improve site functionality and personalisation. By continuing to use HUKD, you accept our cookie and privacy policy.
Get the HUKD app free at Google Play

Search Error

An error occurred when searching, please try again!

Login / Sign UpSubmit

feeling a little blue......

sassie Avatar
banned8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
................anyone got any funnies
Other Links From Blue:
sassie Avatar
banned8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
Options

All Comments

(61) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
Page:
2 Likes #1
feeling a little blue......


Stop molesting Smurfs.....
#2
Mommy's Balloons

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
#3
CHARLIETHIRTYTWO;2881592

Stop molesting Smurfs.....


That's exactly what i thought when i first saw the title :!:
#4
True but not really funny, My wife came back from hospital with a cast on her arm for a broken wrist & then fell over again. Not Drink/Drug relelated before you start! New MRI Scan whatever that is? Any help would be appreciated!
1 Like #5
Two biologists studying caribou in Alaska's back country got a pilot to fly them into the far north to collect some specimens. They were quite successful in their venture and had six big carcasses to take back to their lab. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six caribou. But the pilot objected and told them,"Those caribou carcasses are too heavy, the plane can only take four of them ; you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with the pilot, letting him know that the year before, they had also collected six caribou and that pilot had allowed them to put all six animals aboard. This plane was the exact same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not carry the load and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one biologist said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other biologist. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!"
banned#6
cannyscot
Two biologists studying caribou in Alaska's back country got a pilot to fly them into the far north to collect some specimens. They were quite successful in their venture and had six big carcasses to take back to their lab. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six caribou. But the pilot objected and told them,"Those caribou carcasses are too heavy, the plane can only take four of them ; you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with the pilot, letting him know that the year before, they had also collected six caribou and that pilot had allowed them to put all six animals aboard. This plane was the exact same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not carry the load and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one biologist said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other biologist. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!"



that so made me titter

and as for the rest of you, well what can i say :whistling:
1 Like #7
You know you're a mum when...

* Your feet stick to the kitchen floor..... and you don't care.

* When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

* You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

* You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

* Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

* Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

* Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

* You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

* Your baby's dummy falls on the floor and you give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it because your too busy to wash it off.

* Your kids make jokes about farting, burping, pooping, etc., and you think it's funny.

* You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

* Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

* You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing nappies, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, Not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

* In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

* You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

* The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice krispie bars.

* You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

* You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

* Your kid throws up and you catch it.

* Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.

* You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.

* You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
#8
feeling a little blue......


i got the wrong end of the stick, thought was gonna be some webcam action going on :x
#9
The inventor of cat's eyes was Percy Shaw of Halifax Yorkshire. The name "cat's eye" comes from Shaw's inspiration for the device: the eyeshine reflecting from the eyes of his cat as it came into the house one dark night.



If the cat had been walking out of the house he would have invented the pencil sharpener!
1 Like #10
I was going to keep this until caturday, but never mind.

http://www.rathergood.com/laibach/

Make sure sound is on.
banned#11
no, no good, canna seem to even force a smile out, think the best place for me s in bed, so thanks guys, good night xxxxxxxxxxxx
#12
Q: What do you call a russian with three testicles?

A: Whojanikabollokov.
#13
sassie
no, no good, canna seem to even force a smile out, think the best place for me s in bed, so thanks guys, good night xxxxxxxxxxxx

Night sassie. Imagine how you'd feel now if you were actually a biologist :whistling: :roll:

xxx
#14
Why do the Teletubbies all go to the toilet together?

They only have 1 tinky winky!




What do dinosaurs put on their chips?

Tomato saurus!
#15
I can't cheer you up since all of my jokes are rude. Hope you sleep on it and have a brighter day tomorrow :-) xx
banned#16
fireheaven
Mommy's Balloons

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

ha ha lmfao :thumbsup::-D:p:w00t:
#17
CHARLIETHIRTYTWO;2881592

Stop molesting Smurfs.....


it's not molesting if i agree to it......:whistling:
banned#18
sassie
no, no good, canna seem to even force a smile out, think the best place for me s in bed, so thanks guys, good night xxxxxxxxxxxx


Hope you are feeling happy and refreshed this morning x x
banned#19
no not really, think i got a bug or summat, feel really sick and lethargic :-(
#20
You will like this ,,Auld one but still funny

Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of
his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and
bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this
first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand,
but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
arm pit and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
:w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t:
banned#21
sassie
no not really, think i got a bug or summat, feel really sick and lethargic :-(


Oh dear, lots of blankets and chocolate for you :thumbsup:
banned#22
sassie
no not really, think i got a bug or summat, feel really sick and lethargic :-(


It might be them bites, are they healing well? x x
banned#23
lol - seen it beofre but still funny

thought it was weird as last night all of a sudden i just felt down in the dumps, but now feel like real cack, hopefully it wont linger to long
banned#24
DLM
It might be them bites, are they healing well? x x


OMG dont say things like that :w00t: They havent progressed into anything, just the skin round them peeling, from how inflammed they where. but other than that they ok
banned#25
sassie
OMG dont say things like that :w00t: They havent progressed into anything, just the skin round them peeling, from how inflammed they where. but other than that they ok


I would go to the doctors to have a check over, just to be sure :thumbsup:
banned#26
DLM
I would go to the doctors to have a check over, just to be sure :thumbsup:


nah, i be ok, obviously just picked up a bug or summat, see how i feel tomorrow:thumbsup:
banned#27
:whistling::-DWe have a little Blue ... http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/timvickery/robinho446.jpg

:p
#28
sassie
nah, i be ok, obviously just picked up a bug or summat, see how i feel tomorrow:thumbsup:


crabs???:whistling:
#29
dog_cop
:whistling::-DWe have a little Blue ... http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/timvickery/robinho446.jpg

:p




yawn
banned#30
alnbowes
crabs???:whistling:


No thanks, but thanks for the other;-)
#31
sassie
No thanks, but thanks for the other;-)


nah , gonna give advice about ridding them

Sugar : put sugar on .....doent kill them , rots their teeth;-)
onions : rub onions on their , ...........when they go yto rub their eyes knock them off quickly :-D

hope you feel better soon :thumbsup:
#32
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.;

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was
a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?';:w00t:
#33
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumfrence.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you a flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
banned#34
enough already :-(
#35
sassie
enough already :-(


alright man ..........christ ! women are never happy ......"tell me a joke to cheer me up"

"enough already ":x


:roll:
banned#36
im ill, now give me sympathy :p
banned#37
sassie
im ill, now give me sympathy :p


You won't get any from a man ;-)
banned#38
DLM
You won't get any from a man ;-)


well you obviously meeting different ones to me :w00t:

anyhow got me heating on now, to warm me up a bit ;-)
banned#39
alnbowes
alright man ..........christ ! women are never happy ......"tell me a joke to cheer me up"

"enough already ":x


:roll:




Lol ALan you are just about right..... though Thanks for the thread Sassie muah was feeling a bit down and out today as well
banned 1 Like #40
Dell_in_the_bed
Lol ALan you are just about right..... though Thanks for the thread Sassie muah was feeling a bit down and out today as well


awww hope you feeling better soon xx

Post a Comment

You don't need an account to leave a comment. Just enter your email address. We'll keep it private.

...OR log in with your social account

...OR comment using your social account

Thanks for your comment! Keep it up!
We just need to have a quick look and it will be live soon.
The community is happy to hear your opinion! Keep contributing!