feeling generous........ - HotUKDeals
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feeling generous........

£0.00 @
I am willing to rep for laughs do your worst
toshapetriji Avatar
banned7y, 3m agoPosted 7 years, 3 months ago
I am willing to rep for laughs



do your worst
toshapetriji Avatar
banned7y, 3m agoPosted 7 years, 3 months ago
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1 Like #1
I eat poo in a panini
#2
:lol::lol::lol:
1 Like #3
why was there rabbits in the middle of the road?

It was a dual cabbage way.

How can you tell if theres an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

Whats yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.


you think thats bad? i know worse haha :lol:
1 Like #4
I failed my english assignment today. :( If I don't get some laughs, I'm gonna drop out of the damn course.
1 Like #5
okay - this is a laugh at my expense

Today in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap
1 Like #6
Why did the boy eat 50p?


Cos it was his dinner money!

(Sorry)
#7
true story btw - am still soggy
#8
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Da-ad..." "What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
"Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
"Five minutes later...
"Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
#9
Rhianne
Why did the boy eat 50p?


Cos it was his dinner money!

(Sorry)


Lol :p
1 Like #11
Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?

It stays up for 12 days and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on :-D
#12
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']Wonderful English from Around the World **

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
[/FONT][FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

Cocktail lounge, Norway:[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS

In a Nairobi restaurant:[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery (DF - I like this one):
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.[/FONT]
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THEOPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.[/FONT]
banned#13
I eat poo in a panini


I giggled but not quite a laugh

why was there rabbits in the middle of the road?

It was a dual cabbage way.

How can you tell if theres an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

Whats yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.


corny lol

I failed my english assignment today. :(
why would I laugh? hahahaha


okay - this is a laugh at my expense

Today in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap


Sorry but I did laugh. Poor you.

Why did the boy eat 50p?


Cos it was his dinner money!

(Sorry)


that is seriously bad



all repped anyway
#14
How to make love!

Ingredients...
4 laughing eyes
4 well shaped legs
4 loving arms
2 firm milk containers
2 nuts
1 mixing bowl
1 firm banana

Method...
1 Look into laughing eyes
2 spread well shaped legs with loving arms
3 squeeze and massage milk containers gently
4 gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
5 as heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak, preferably not over night
6 the cake is done when banana is soft, if banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5.

If unfamiliar with the kitchen
1 wash utensils carefully, before and after use.
2 Do not lick mixing bowl
3 if cake rises, leave town
#15
whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
..............a carrot.
#16
The one that always gets me is:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

....Because it was dead :oops:
#17
You've got to laugh at the pathetic attempts at humour ;-)
#18
bossyboots;7001092
okay - this is a laugh at my expense

Today in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap


Sorry Bossy but I did :lol:

Was it cold in the water?:p
#19
niggit
How to make love!

Ingredients...
4 laughing eyes
4 well shaped legs
4 loving arms
2 firm milk containers
2 nuts
1 mixing bowl
1 firm banana

Method...
1 Look into laughing eyes
2 spread well shaped legs with loving arms
3 squeeze and massage milk containers gently
4 gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
5 as heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak, preferably not over night
6 the cake is done when banana is soft, if banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5.

If unfamiliar with the kitchen
1 wash utensils carefully, before and after use.
2 Do not lick mixing bowl
3 if cake rises, leave town


That's good.
#20
a man goes to the doctors, but he's abit nervous as its about his *you know what*.

he says to the doctor, "I've got a bit of a problem down there, I'll show you but you've got to promise not to laugh.
the doctor agrees, and the man pulls down his pants. straight away the doctor bursts out laughing uncontrollably.
the doctor screams 'that is the smallest pen1s i have ever seen', manages to calm down and asks him whats wrong with it.


the man says glumly... 'its swollen'





'mods alter dont delete if words arent suitable!'
#21
POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE!

how do you make a gay man have sex with a women?

take a dump in her ****!
#22
why did tigger have his head down the toilet?

he was looking for pooh

:giggle:
1 Like #23
what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
































































a wonkey!
1 Like #24
Three men crash land near an African tribe. They are captured and taken to their King. The tribes King gives the a task. The King said..."go into the forest and find three fruits and come back to me."
So the three men set off into the jungle to find three fruits....the first man comes back with three oranges in his hand and shows the King. The king then tells him, "Now stick all three oranges in your butt, but if you make a noise you will be killed and go straight to hell."

So the man starts but fails on the first orange. He is killed and sent to hell.
Along comes man number 2 carrying berries....the king informs him of the rules and the guy starts....1....2....but with the third berry he just busts out laughing....of course he is killed and sent straight to hell.

Down in Hell, guy #1 asks guy #2..."Why did you start laughing...you were almost done?!!?!" Guy #2 replies, "I saw guy #3 walking back with pineapples!"
#25
J4GG4
I eat poo in a panini


Shouldn't that be 'mankini'?

Hope you've dried out now Bossy!
#27
my puppy stole a strangers hanky ran away with it
#28


Strange why did he make a man come out???
#29
Marina
Sorry Bossy but I did :lol:

Was it cold in the water?:p


yes it was!!!! A man who was walking his dog came over to help me and I could see the smirk on his face!!! I just panicked as my dog is gettin on in years (12) and wanted to get her out asap !!

Worst thing was I had my Ugg boots on :-( so dont know how they will be once they have dried out - but as long as haggis is okay lol then so am I :-D

(thanks Chesso ! am fine now !!)
banned#30
some good ones there. My rep is expired today but will rep tomorrow

TVM
1 Like #31
toshapetriji
some good ones there. My rep is expired today but will rep tomorrow

TVM


Hi Tosha, how are you hun? xx

Dont need the rep just sayin hi xxxx

:friends:
1 Like #32
bossyboots;7001092
okay - this is a laugh at my expense

Today in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap


bossyboots;7001101
true story btw - am still soggy


Fancy sharing a hot steamy bath to warm things up? :whistling:

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