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Finding out the person you love is pregnant = amazing

MrAnon Avatar
banned8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
Finding out its not yours = gutted

I feel like i have just recieved the biggest kick in the nuts ever :(

Bit of a long story really..We have been seeing each other for about a year. Fell in love with each other..Had our problems, but we worked through them.
Her ex still had alot of control over her and at one point convinced her to end everything and try again with him.
That lasted about a week before she realised it was a huge mistake and begged me for another chance.
After thinking about everything for a couple of weeks we decided to give it a go.
Things have been great..But now this.
Now i really dont know what to do.
I have no friends that i can talk to :(
Im not sure how i should feel..or what to do.
She says she wants to be with me..Doesnt want her ex back in her life..Wants a termination.
That makes me feel like shit though because im not making her do anything..but it still feels like im making her go through with the termination so that we can be together.

Any advice?
MrAnon Avatar
banned8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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banned#1
Welcome to the site... and Ouch that sucks
#2
You need to talk to this man...

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/09_04/kyle2409_468x371.jpg
#3
tough one honey- I feel for you x The thing is only you can decide. Do you still Love her? If so, think about the baby and whether you could think of it as your own. Don't make any rash decisions x
banned#4
lmao @ foxy
#5
How do you know the babys not yours? Of course unless youve done nothing!
#6
Kick her to the kerb.
#7
Is she 100% sure it's not yours?

Could you bring it up as your own? there's more to being a father than a bit of spunk.
banned#8
theres more to being a further than donating sperm, sorry if that sounds crude
1 Like #9
How can you be certain it's not yours?

Tough one.

A very good guy who take on another man's child.
banned#10
masterbrown
Kick her to the kerb.


Succint.

I agree.
1 Like #11
You need to let her make her own choice about the termination. I think she has to think long and hard about who she wants to be with, and if she does keep the child, who she wants it to grow up with. She may also want to talk it all through with a counsellor so she can get some impartial advice and put things in perspective.

You also ned to work out how this has all made you feel. Do you feel that she's committed to your relationship having gone back to her ex in the past? If she decides to keep the baby, is that something you want? I'm sure I don't have to say about children being a life-long commitment etc etc. Once you work out how you feel, you need to let her know...and then let her decide what she wants to do as well. Work it out together and make sure you're both 100% happy, otherwise things will never be totally right for you both.
#12
sassie
theres more to being a further than donating sperm, sorry if that sounds crude


Not as crude as the one above yours!
banned#13
If you are meant for eachother she shouldn't of got back with her ex so easily. Chances are she will do it again.
#14
OMG what a situation, I dont know what to say, this is your GF decision and one she will have to live with. Noone can tell her what is right and wrong for her,

If she has gone back to him once then is it possible she could again.

You have MANY things to think about.

A) Your relationship with or without a baby

B) The baby if she keeps it and if she doesnt

C) The father, wil he want a say in decisions etc

Firstly do you want to be with her WITH or WITHOUT someone elses baby. At the moment she is prob very mixed up, shes best not to rush a termination as it is a massive decision, with everlasting emotional feelings.

I dont know how i would cope in your situation. thinking about this i have changed my mind few times!

Good luck
#15
Foxy102;2323144
You need to talk to this man...

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/09_04/kyle2409_468x371.jpg


if i could take a chainsaw to him i would.
#16
Prissymiss
If you are meant for eachother she shouldn't of got back with her ex so easily. Chances are she will do it again.


Yeah, especially if hes the father, since he'll probably want to see his baby. Means he's "back on the scene" then.
#17
First post on an internet bargain forum.

Nah not falling for it. Cast again. :thumbsup:

http://www.toursaver.com/images/toursaver.com/Image/alaska-fishing.jpg
#18
How awful for you, only you can decide what is the right thing to do, if you still love her no matter what and does she feel the same, or is it too easy for her to get back with you?

There is a baby involved in all of this which makes this a very serious decision and not to be made in any selfish or rash way.

The decision over the baby is for your girlfriend to make, as it is her who will have to live with what ever she decides for the rest of her life.

Good luck and welcome to HUKDs
banned#19
maybe they have used an alais, not the sort of thing most members would discuss under their normal account
#20
sassie
maybe they have used an alais, not the sort of thing most members would discuss under their normal account


Well in that case they should be banned for having multiple user id's. :thumbsup:
banned#21
why expired?
#22
modoc
First post on an internet bargain forum.

Nah not falling for it. Cast again. :thumbsup:

http://www.toursaver.com/images/toursaver.com/Image/alaska-fishing.jpg


:lol:

I'd get an AIDs test, no seriously....:thumbsup:
banned#23
modoc
Well in that case they should be banned for having multiple user id's. :thumbsup:


yes im sure the mods are working out finding whose alais he really is as we speak, before he scams all of us hukd members for hundreds:thumbsup:
banned#24
sassie
maybe they have used an alais, not the sort of thing most members would discuss under their normal account


indeed. seeing as anon is short for anonymous your probably right
#25
sassie
theres more to being a further than donating sperm


Never agreed with anything as much as what you just said there Sassie.


What you have to think about now is so what?! you gonna end things with her becuase of that mistake (assuming that it cetainly isn't yours) if you do then you're not fit to say you love her!

What you should do is support her no matter what, only then can you say you love her, then you just have to judge by her reaction whether or not the feeling is mutual.

Fact is it she came back to you, whats done is done and if she is going to have this baby then are you going to leave becuase it's not you're baggage? Yes it sucks but dont take it out on her and the kid, if she'll let you raise it as you're own - Like sassie said, theres a lot of difference between being a biological father and an actual father.
#26
MinstrelMan
Never agreed with anything as much as what you just said there Sassie.


What you have to think about now is so what?! you gonna end things with her becuase of that mistake (assuming that it cetainly isn't yours) if you do then you're not fit to say you love her!

What you should do is support her no matter what, only then can you say you love her, then you just have to judge by her reaction whether or not the feeling is mutual.

Fact is it she came back to you, whats done is done and if she is going to have this baby then are you going to leave becuase it's not you're baggage? Yes it sucks but dont take it out on her and the kid, if she'll let you raise it as you're own - Like sassie said, theres a lot of difference between being a biological father and an actual father.


But your assuming the real father does'nt want to be a father, thats when it gets complicated. :whistling:
#27
Everyone will have there own opinions. No matter what you do it will be tough. I have a step son and have raised him since he was three and its been hard. My husbands ex is very jealous of me and the relationship i have with my husband and her son; she makes life hell at times. I wont go into detail as this is a public board but its a lot to deal with at the best of times and i have been with my Hubby for 6 1/2 years, your relationship should still be in the 'honeymoon' stage :thumbsup:
banned#28
masterbrown
But your assuming the real father does'nt want to be a father, thats when it gets complicated. :whistling:


the child should come first in all parties lives here, there is no reason as adultts that both men should they both wish to be in the childs life, its called being reasonable and amicable, or bring in the courts, it really annoys me that adults cannot be reasonable when childrens lives are in question
#29
Also in that situation would it be a case of she decided to come back or came crawling back because it was the easiest option as the temp thing didn't work out? Leopards, spots and greener grass on the other side spring to mind, but then i'm a harsh ******* anyway when it comes to this sort of thing :lol:
#30
masterbrown
But your assuming the real father does'nt want to be a father, thats when it gets complicated. :whistling:


I'm assuming that the mother doesnt want the real father to be involved. they aren't married, providing he isnt at the signing of the birth cirtificate then he has no parental responsability.

Like I said, its only by her reaction can you gauge if she loves him as much as he seems to love her.
1 Like #31
Hi,

I can see a number of problems here that go beyond the simple question...

you need to ask yourself............

1. do you want children at this time. you havent mentioned your age etc, but are you up for this or still in shock. Even if the kid was yours be honest with yourself about how you feel. having a kid is a big responsibility.

2. The same goes for her. Does she want kids. would it just cramp her style. when she offers to terminate, do you get the impression that deep down she wants to and perhaps asking you to make the decision will help her pass the guilt on because 'you made her do it ?' Or does she really want it ?

3. Can you look into the childs eyes and not see the other guy. some people can do this for the love of their partner. Lets face it, second marriages often bring other peoples children with them, so it is not impossible to love them. But if you are the type to get jealous or angry then walk away as it just spells disaster.

4. If you are happy with this, then how certain are you (and her) that the baby is her Ex's. Obviously you were apart for a few weeks from what you mention, you are certain it is not yours ? there would be tests a little later in pregancy that could prove paternity (or at least your lack of it).

5. How certain are you of your girlfriends commitment. She doesnt sound particularly stable going off with an Ex. If you think of going ahead with this, you are making a huge commitment. The question has to be asked when did she find out. did she tell you right away. Has she been completely up front with you. How long had you been together. had you seriously spoken about the relationship being anything more than that.

5. do you love her. as in would do anything for her ?

lots of questions, no answer.

I an sure you will find it though
banned 1 Like #32
although i dont believe anyone would post this and then leave, so im outta this one
banned#33
Thanks for the advice..Alot of these things i have already thought about.

She hasnt told her ex and doesnt want to because she doesnt want him in her life anymore.
She has told that she wants to be with me.
I already have a 2 year old child, he lives with his mother but we get to spend time with him on our days off.
So in a way she is helping to bring up someone elses child.

I know its not mine because i waited a year to sleep with her.
My choice..I just didnt want to do the dirty with her until i was sure that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her..so our first time together was last wed
#34
Ok thats 1 way of being sure........

feel for you dude, but a termination ultimatly is her decision, let her make that choice first and stand by what ever choice she makes, then decided what you think you need to do.
#35
MrAnon
My choice..I just didnt want to do the dirty with her until i was sure that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her..so our first time together was last wed


Leave her..... Marry me!

jk.... Best of luck with whatever decision you make.
banned#36
if someone had your child and never told you and you later found out how would you feel, its isnt no longer about just you two if she chooses to keep the baby
banned#37
Such a pickle

I do still love her.

But i fear that i cant look at her in the same way anymore
banned#38
MrAnon
Thanks for the advice..Alot of these things i have already thought about.

She hasnt told her ex and doesnt want to because she doesnt want him in her life anymore.
She has told that she wants to be with me.
I already have a 2 year old child, he lives with his mother but we get to spend time with him on our days off.
So in a way she is helping to bring up someone elses child.

I know its not mine because i waited a year to sleep with her.
My choice..I just didnt want to do the dirty with her until i was sure that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her..so our first time together was last wed


If you had slept with her earlier would she have made out it was your baby regardless?

She sounds irresponsible. Getting pregnant by her ex when she's unsure of him. Jeremy Kyle will be giving the contraception speech.

Plus you mentioned having problem having only been together a year. Not the greatest start.
#39
i have been with my partner 6 years i already had 2 children when i met him,then we had 3 together.

for my partner he does have a different relationship with my 2 children than with his own,it has been very challenging for my partner taking on my 2 children (although they do see their own father)

to be honest i personally dont think it would be fair for your girlfriend to determine what type of dad her ex would make and think he should have some rights if your girlfriend keeps the baby,my ex was a nasty,abusive piece of work but is a good dad to our kids and has spoilt the children if anything

good luck to u both if u decide to keep the baby,maybe the bonding for u maybe be easier if with the baby from birth,good luck
#40
Is this for real? HUKD really your best source of advice?

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