1. Q: What do you get if you see a Leeds United fan buried up to his neck in sand?
A: More sand.
2. British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Nottingham Forest.
The company think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
5. Gazza : Wahey Boss! ken that jiggisaw puzzle I wiz doing? Yeel never guess - I've finished it and only took me 6 months!
Walter Smith : Well, what's so good about 6 months???
Gazza : Like it says Gaffer - on the box it said '3 to 6 years'
6. Apparently, when Harry Redknapp was West ham manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
8. Q: What's the difference between West Ham and an albatross?
A: An albatross has got two decent wings.
9. Q: What is the difference between Coventry and the bermuda triangle?
A: The bermuda triangle has three points.
12. Q: How do you make a Gunners fan run?
A: Build a job centre.
13. Q: Why do Hearts fans plant potatoes round the edge of Tynecastle?
A: So they have Something to lift at the end of the season.
14. Q: What happens when the opposition cross the halfway line at Villa Park?
A: They score.
15. Q: What tea do footballers drink?
16. Apparantly, Blackburn football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.
- they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.
18. Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan and a supermarket trolley?
A: The trolley has a mind of it's own.
20. Q: How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
21. A Derby County and Middlesborough fan are strolling along Duke Street and suddenly the Middlesborough supporter says "Woooh! would ya look at that dead bird!". The Derby County fan looks skywards and says "huh, Where???"
22. Q: How many Evertonians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you like, but they'll never see the light.
23. Q: What do you call a Wimbledon fan with an IQ of 10?
A: Supremely gifted!
25. Q: How do you change a Charlton fans mind?
A: Blow in his ear!
26. Q: How can you tell ET is a Rangers fan?
A: Because he looks like one.
27. A Sunderland supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.