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FREE XBOX 360 48 HOUR CODE - FUNNIEST JOKE WILL GET IT

Johnrulez Avatar
banned8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
As title states, funniest joke received until 1pm on Saturday (tomorrow) will receive it

Good luck
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Johnrulez Avatar
banned8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
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banned#1
I'm laughing already
#2
ten men walks into a bar, you would of thought one of them would of seen it. (hahahhahah)
#3
Whats green and smells?

Kermits bum!

This was the 1st joke i ever told when i was little although i stopped finding it funny when i was 13 and Dad asked me 'what's green and smells of pork?!'
#4
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really p1$$ed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
#5
Signs That You are Too Drunk
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Your job is interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.


If you want more reasons i'll be happy to post them....
banned#6
Alright, count me in. Here's my take at it;

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, I dont feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

I said, WHAT??!! What was that?!

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear

Youre just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, Cant you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldnt decide which one to take, so I told her wed just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, Lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesnt even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, Thats fine, honey. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, I think this is all, dear, lets go to the cashier.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, No honey, I dont feel like it.

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, WHAT?

I then said, Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. Youre just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, Why cant you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?

Apparently Im not having sex tonight either but at least that ***** knows Im smarter than her.
#7
Not that this is a funny joke, but the first joke I ever remember telling was .....

"what bees make milk"
"boo bees"

For a good joke tho.. how about...

"why are brussel sprouts like pubic hair?"
"you push them aside and keep on eating"

hehe
#8
thelioncub
Not that this is a funny joke, but the first joke I ever remember telling was .....

"what bees make milk"
"boo bees"

For a good joke tho.. how about...

"why are brussel sprouts like pubic hair?"
"you push them aside and keep on eating"

hehe


:? :? :? :? :?
#9
duck walks into a bar. says .have you some bread ....barman says ....no we dont serve bread , get out ! duck leaves
duck walks in the next day says .have you some bread ....barman says ....no we dont serve bread , get out ! duck leaves

third day duck walks into a bar. says .have you some bread ....barman says ....no we dont serve bread ,I've told you ......come in here again an I'll nail yuour flat feet to the counter .......Get Out!!!!

Fourth day duck walks into a bar. says .have you some nails, barman says no, duck says , can i have a piece of bread please :whistling:
#10
I heard a lorry tipped over in Beijing, full of barbed wire and wood. It was the Irish Fencing team. :lol:
#11
Not interested in the x-box thing but heres my joke... :)

a teacher had her new class for the first time so to get to know them she went round and asked the kids what they done during the holiday,
the first child said "i visited my granny" the teacher replies, "now you're older let's use big words, grandmother"
so she carries on to the next child and asks what he done during the holiday, to which he replies "i went on a choo-choo" so the teacher says to use adult words "train"...
the third kid proudly says that he read a book... the teacher asks which book...

winnie the shi t.


:)
#12
Just thought of this one of the top of my head so it might not make sense. Please reply if you understand

Joke:

A blonde heard a knock at the door and there were some men there. They told her they were re possesing here house.

She replied 'Great i've been waiting for you lot to come, these ghosts have been scaring me all week!'


:p Does it make sense?
#13
borolad94
Just thought of this one of the top of my head so it might not make sense. Please reply if you understand

Joke:

A blonde heard a knock at the door and there were some men there. They told [COLOR="Red"][SIZE="6"][B]here[/SIZE][/COLOR] they were re possesing here house.

She replied 'Great i've been waiting for you lot to come, these ghosts have been scaring me all week!'[/B]

:p Does it make sense?


other than that i understood it. :)
#14
yimmie
other than that i understood it. :)


It's meant to be her :cry:

I can't get anything right!
#15
borolad94
It's meant to be her :cry:

I can't get anything right!


I feel like i'm stalking you now... :oops: lol... at least it made sense! Hope mine did too... Jokes are soo hard to repeat, I always mess them up! :(
#16
yimmie
I feel like i'm stalking you now... :oops: lol... at least it made sense! Hope mine did too... Jokes are soo hard to repeat, I always mess them up! :(


I think your just trying to get revenge for Saturday if I remember who you support correctly :thinking:

I was there Mwahahahaha!
#17
borolad94
I think your just trying to get revenge for Saturday if I remember who you support correctly :thinking:

I was there Mwahahahaha!


ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh hahaha. lol! :(
i wasn't! been to loads of games recently though!

I'VE NEVER SEEN SPURS LOOSE!! (except on tv!)
#18
yimmie
ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh hahaha. lol! :(
i wasn't! been to loads of games recently though!

I'VE NEVER SEEN SPURS LOOSE!! (except on tv!)


Glad I got that right, could of been embarrsing.

FAIL! HAHAHAHAHA FAIL! FAIL! YOU PLONKER SUPPORT A REAL TEAM.... LIKE BORO!

BENTLEY.... WHO R YA!
GEOVANI..... WHO R YA!
MODRIC...... WHO R YA!
GOMES...... WHO R YA!
CESAR...... WHO R YA!

[SIZE="1"]I'm not a troll btw :p[/SIZE]
#19
borolad94
Glad I got that right, could of been embarrsing.

FAIL! HAHAHAHAHA FAIL! FAIL! YOU PLONKER SUPPORT A REAL TEAM.... LIKE BORO!

BENTLEY.... WHO R YA!
GEOVANI..... WHO R YA!
MODRIC...... WHO R YA!
GOMES...... WHO R YA!
CESAR...... WHO R YA!

[SIZE="1"]I'm not a troll btw :p[/SIZE]


haha shurrup. I'm ont that fussed... i'll just blame nob 'ed berbatov. :thumbsup:
if he wasn't such a stroppy bratt (i seem to love saying that this evening!) etc etteiwuk.rgi


i dunno, just blame him. ;)
banned 1 Like #20
thelioncub
Not that this is a funny joke, but the first joke I ever remember telling was .....

"what bees make milk"
"boo bees"

For a good joke tho.. how about...

"why are brussel sprouts like pubic hair?"
"you push them aside and keep on eating"

hehe


Is the best WINNER :thumbsup::thumbsup::santa::gift:
#21
A frog and a toad are walking along a road when the toads bum falls off.

The frog picked up the bum and said "Do you want your ar$e toad?"

Toad replied " Do you want your balls kicked?"

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