An older guy was in Tesco the other day, pushing his shopping cart around, when he collided with a young guy also pushing a cart.
He said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The older guy said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with long blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The older guy said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
Most older men are helpful like that.
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
"Have you any grounds?"
"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It made of concrete."
"I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
"No, we have a carport, and not need one."
"I mean, what are your relations like?"
"All my relations still in Poland."
"Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player."
"Does your wife beat you up?"
"No, I always up before her."
"Is your wife a nagger?"
"No, she white."
"Why do you want this divorce?"
"She is going to kill me."
"What makes you think that?"
"I got proof."
"What kind of proof?"
"She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says: 'Polish Remover'."