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Greatest ever letter of complaint

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hopefully this isn't a re-post... This is a genuine letter of complaint sent to Sir Richard Branson. We know that because we checked with Virgin. Polly in the press office confirmed that Branson ph… Read More
chrishill Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
hopefully this isn't a re-post...

This is a genuine letter of complaint sent to Sir Richard Branson. We know that because we checked with Virgin. Polly in the press office confirmed that Branson phoned the man back because "he always likes to hear feedback".

(full story in first post)
chrishill Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
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#1
Greatest ever letter of complaint

This is a genuine letter of complaint sent to Sir Richard Branson. We know that because we checked with Virgin. Polly in the press office confirmed that Branson phoned the man back because "he always likes to hear feedback".

But she wouldn't confirm rumours that the Virgin boss thought this was the funniest letter of complaint he'd ever received.


Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

http://timesnews.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341d811753ef010536f0ae35970b-800wi

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:
http://timesnews.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341d811753ef010536f0aeac970b-800wi

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:

http://timesnews.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341d811753ef010536f0af08970b-800wi

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation:
http://timesnews.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341d811753ef010536fa2efb970c-800wi

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

(TBC)
#2
repost but other thread was spammed :lol:
#4
has been on the last 2 days
#5
pfft, waste of effort then!
banned#6
its on Bitterwallet too
#8
i for one appreciated you posting it,thought it was really funny and brightend my morning on this dull day in work:thumbsup:
#9
chrishill
pfft, waste of effort then!


nah, i hadnt seen it and i lol'ed, quality.

what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in


possibly one of the funniest lines ever
#10
paulam
i for one appreciated you posting it,thought it was really funny and brightend my morning on this dull day in work:thumbsup:


kungfu
nah, i hadnt seen it and i lol'ed, quality.



possibly one of the funniest lines ever


worth looking at the other posts so you can read the rest, I only posted the first half since theres a 5 image limit and theres 7 images in the full letter :thumbsup:

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