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Happy ,Contented or Just plodding ?

aw08 Avatar
6y, 10m agoPosted 6 years, 10 months ago
Feeling at the end of unhappy marriage , are people really happy , contented with their lot or just plodding ??
how do you make the enevitable break ? i just keep plodding , 2 kids involved so unhappy , disponded and worn down with it all !
what to do !!!
aw08 Avatar
6y, 10m agoPosted 6 years, 10 months ago
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[mod][Moderator]#1
Get out, kids will be ultimately happier, you will be happier, I did and never looked back
#2
Please don't ask for advice on a marriage break up on a public deals forum.
#3
i'm happly plodding :)
#4
Life is what you make it and you only have one chance. There is no point in clinging on to something that makes you feel down.
#5
queenlush
Life is what you make it and you only have one chance. There is no point in clinging on to something that makes you feel down.


+ 1 but the grass isn't always greener on the other side :p
#6
My personal opinnion is if you married them in the first place. Does nobody take the vows seriously these days, for better or for worse. You either work at it if he's willing to or don't your choice. Simply put you knew the person he/she would be before you married them. If they weren't the working out type then. What made you marry them, things can become twisted and everyones circumanstances are different, but I hate our society of just give up because it maybe a hard road ahead.
[mod][Moderator]#7
Adam2050
My personal opinnion is if you married them in the first place. Does nobody take the vows seriously these days, for better or for worse. You either work at it if he's willing to or don't your choice. Simply put you knew the person he/she would be before you married them. If they weren't the working out type then. What made you marry them, things can become twisted and everyones circumanstances are different, but I hate our society of just give up because it maybe a hard road ahead.


I agree to a point, we are becoming a disposable society, but sometimes there is no alternative:thumbsup:
#8
A VERY happy for me.

How hard you want things to happen dictates how hard you have to work to make it so.
#9
wishihadadonkey
I agree to a point, we are becoming a disposable society, but sometimes there is no alternative:thumbsup:


Sometimes there isn't but most of the time I see it as just easier to walk away, divorce is too easy these days. My parents walked away and didn't even bother trying to fix things. My mum now has a poor relationship with her kids because she makes no effort but expects it back. Where as my dad would do anything and is pro-active with his relationship to his kids. Simply but it's up to you to make the effort if the other person isn't responding then theres not a lot you can do. But I hope this isn't the case it's sad for all involved.
#10
greg_68
A VERY happy for me.

How hard you want things to happen dictates how hard you have to work to make it so.


As always a fountain of knowledge Greg.
#11
greg_68
A VERY happy for me.

How hard you want things to happen dictates how hard you have to work to make it so.


Sometimes one person tries a little harder than the other. People mature and change over time and sometimes what you had in common at the age of 19 is totally lost by the time you get to your 40's. You can try and try to put the spark back but if the other person isn't willing to play then it's pointless.
#12
Adam2050
Sometimes there isn't but most of the time I see it as just easier to walk away, divorce is too easy these days. My parents walked away and didn't even bother trying to fix things. My mum now has a poor relationship with her kids because she makes no effort but expects it back. Where as my dad would do anything and is pro-active with his relationship to his kids. Simply but it's up to you to make the effort if the other person isn't responding then theres not a lot you can do. But I hope this isn't the case it's sad for all involved.


Do you think your life would have been any different if they had stayed together, both miserable?
#13
queenlush
Do you think your life would have been any different if they had stayed together, both miserable?


Your assuming you know the cicurmstances of the marriage. Mother dearest changed when she went to uni and let people dictate to her what was normal in there life, she had kids young and decided she wanted to selfishly to start taking life back at the expense of her kids and her family (which is the most important thing here) She didn't want to work at it at all, she got money hungry and married someone with money she now has another family and her priority is to that unit, which is sad, as she proved this of late with my marriage, dictating what we could and couldn't have at our wedding (offered to pay for something and pulled out and spent it on herself). Either way yes it would of made a lot of difference, my father would of been willing to work and he would of done anything to make her happy, so she got greedy and wanted more money. My dads not perfect but given the benefit of the doubt they could of at least tried, but she didn't easy way out was nice and screwed my dad over.
banned#14
wishihadadonkey
Get out, kids will be ultimately happier, you will be happier, I did and never looked back


dont mean everyone and all kids will be though does it?
#15
As long as when it's over you can look back and say you tried everything you could and as hard as you could to make it work then that's all you can do I suppose.

The last thing you want to do is look back in years to come and regret not putting maximum time and effort into saving the marriage.
#16
greg_68
As long as when it's over you can look back and say you tried everything you could and as hard as you could to make it work then that's all you can do I suppose.

The last thing you want to do is look back in years to come and regret not putting maximum time and effort into saving the marriage.


Yep this is it.

It's a massive generation gap, I look at my grand parents married once look happy had good strong moraled kids.

My auntie on my mums side decided to keep her husband despite the many things done, happy now.

Only person divorced are my direct parents in my family unit and extended unit. Caused so many pathetic problems over the years.

And effected my commitment for a time, none of my other siblings want to get married. Wonder why.
[mod][Moderator]#17
lewt
dont mean everyone and all kids will be though does it?


I think kids would be far happier with 2 parents apart and not rowing all the time than stuck in the middle of 2 parents argueing/not talking, I grew up in that atmosphere, the youngest of 4 by 10 yrs and whose parents stayed together for the sake of the children then child when my siblings moved out as soon as each one could, I can assure you it was awful, it made me wary of marriage and I was determined when I got married it would be forever, unfortunately you can't control other peoples behaviour, I was devastated when I felt I had no other choice than to walk away from my 1st marriage, but when I did my son who was 11 actually thanked me
#18
Adam2050
Your assuming you know the cicurmstances of the marriage. Mother dearest changed when she went to uni and let people dictate to her what was normal in there life, she had kids young and decided she wanted to selfishly to start taking life back at the expense of her kids and her family (which is the most important thing here) She didn't want to work at it at all, she got money hungry and married someone with money she now has another family and her priority is to that unit, which is sad, as she proved this of late with my marriage, dictating what we could and couldn't have at our wedding (offered to pay for something and pulled out and spent it on herself). Either way yes it would of made a lot of difference, my father would of been willing to work and he would of done anything to make her happy, so she got greedy and wanted more money. My dads not perfect but given the benefit of the doubt they could of at least tried, but she didn't easy way out was nice and screwed my dad over.


I'm so sorry you were let down by your mum. My kids have always come first at the expense of my happiness. Everyones situation is different and i do think people give up too easy on relationships as it's not such a stigma to be single or divorced nowadays. Unfortunately for some people it gets to the point where both are so miserable it rubs off on children, friends and work. I really don't see the point of making so many people unhappy. ( once you can 100% say you have both tried to make it work) At least your mum has made you unselfish and think about not giving up on things too easily. :thumbsup:
banned#19
Adam2050
Sometimes there isn't but most of the time I see it as just easier to walk away, divorce is too easy these days. My parents walked away and didn't even bother trying to fix things. My mum now has a poor relationship with her kids because she makes no effort but expects it back. Where as my dad would do anything and is pro-active with his relationship to his kids. Simply but it's up to you to make the effort if the other person isn't responding then theres not a lot you can do. But I hope this isn't the case it's sad for all involved.


You will make an amazing husband in a few weeks time :thumbsup:
#20
queenlush
I'm so sorry you were let down by your mum. My kids have always come first at the expense of my happiness. Everyones situation is different and i do think people give up too easy on relationships as it's not such a stigma to be single or divorced nowadays. Unfortunately for some people it gets to the point where both are so miserable it rubs off on children, friends and work. [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]I really don't see the point of making so many people unhappy. ( once you can 100% say you have both tried to make it work) At least your mum has made you unselfish and think about not giving up on things too easily.[/COLOR] :thumbsup:


Agree. As greg has said 100% effort from you and you have done all you could, then it's good enough. :)
banned#21
Adam2050
Yep this is it.

It's a massive generation gap, I look at my grand parents married once look happy had good strong moraled kids.

My auntie on my mums side decided to keep her husband despite the many things done, happy now.

Only person divorced are my direct parents in my family unit and extended unit. Caused so many pathetic problems over the years.

And effected my commitment for a time, none of my other siblings want to get married. Wonder why.


My parent separated when I was 10.

I agree with the impact on your life.

I am unmarried at 35 and have no children.

Terrified of commitment.
#22
Happy Happy Happy here.
Im getting married in August- Crapping myself btw!, but i love my partner so much that i couldnt even begin to see my life without him.
He is without a doubt my soulmate and always will be through goodtimes and bad!
Now someone pass me a sick bucket!
#23
Aww Adam when are you getting married? Congrats btw. x
banned#24
emmalampkin
Happy Happy Happy here.
Im getting married in August- Crapping myself btw!, but i love my partner so much that i couldnt even begin to see my life without him.
He is without a doubt my soulmate and always will be through goodtimes and bad!
Now someone pass me a sick bucket!


Congratulations :thumbsup:
#25
emmalampkin
Happy Happy Happy here.
Im getting married in August- Crapping myself btw!, but i love my partner so much that i couldnt even begin to see my life without him.
He is without a doubt my soulmate and always will be through goodtimes and bad!
Now someone pass me a sick bucket!


Congrats too.

emmalampkin
Aww Adam when are you getting married? Congrats btw. x


2nd April not long to go. :p
#26
emmalampkin
Happy Happy Happy here.
Im getting married in August- Crapping myself btw!, but i love my partner so much that i couldnt even begin to see my life without him.
He is without a doubt my soulmate and always will be through goodtimes and bad!
Now someone pass me a sick bucket!


:-D I was like that once lol :whistling:
#27
queenlush
:-D I was like that once lol :whistling:


I was just about to post

inb4 the 'wait till the rings on yer finger, thing will soon change' posts.

Don't think I'll bother now.
#28
Adam- Awww not long at all.. Hows the other half coping?
Ive turned into a right Bridezilla this last past month as everything has creeped up on me so fast!
Other half just taking it in his stride! I give him another couple of weeks before he caves and starts stressing! lol.
#29
emmalampkin
Adam- Awww not long at all.. Hows the other half coping?
Ive turned into a right Bridezilla this last past month as everything has creeped up on me so fast!
Other half just taking it in his stride! I give him another couple of weeks before he caves and starts stressing! lol.


She is of course in charge.
Atm shes complaining I ain't doing much which is kinda true as I'm stuck in my office all week (boss is off I have her workload as well as my own). I deal with stress a lot differently to her, though she is learning. I'm more concerned we have missed something rather then the fact that were actually getting married, though speaches is not something that comes naturally to me.:p
banned#30
Adam2050
She is of course in charge.
Atm shes complaining I ain't doing much which is kinda true as I'm stuck in my office all week (boss is off I have her workload as well as my own). I deal with stress a lot differently to her, though she is learning. I'm more concerned we have missed something rather then the fact that were actually getting married, though speaches is not something that comes naturally to me.:p


You helped her with her shoes the other day :thumbsup:
#31
Adam2050
She is of course in charge.
Atm shes complaining I ain't doing much which is kinda true as I'm stuck in my office all week (boss is off I have her workload as well as my own). I deal with stress a lot differently to her, though she is learning. I'm more concerned we have missed something rather then the fact that were actually getting married, though speaches is not something that comes naturally to me.:p


Exactly the same as my other half! He is bricking it for the speeches. Bless him.
Im sure when it comes to it on the day all will be well. x
#32
DLM
You helped her with her shoes the other day :thumbsup:


It is soon forgotten atm.
banned#33
Adam2050
It is soon forgotten atm.


You will have the best day ever.

Dan Jackson might be able to help with your speech :thumbsup:
#34
DLM
You will have the best day ever.

Dan Jackson might be able to help with your speech :thumbsup:


Only If I invite BG1.
banned#35
Adam2050
Only If I invite BG1.


Get BG1 to pay for it.

He is rich you know.

Not sure if this example will help with your speech:-

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/samples/samplespeech.aspx?Type=5&ID=2145&selection=Best
banned#36
wishihadadonkey
I think kids would be far happier with 2 parents apart and not rowing all the time than stuck in the middle of 2 parents argueing/not talking, I grew up in that atmosphere, the youngest of 4 by 10 yrs and whose parents stayed together for the sake of the children then child when my siblings moved out as soon as each one could, I can assure you it was awful, it made me wary of marriage and I was determined when I got married it would be forever, unfortunately you can't control other peoples behaviour, I was devastated when I felt I had no other choice than to walk away from my 1st marriage, but when I did my son who was 11 actually thanked me


thats your situation though isnt it, it doesnt mean it is the OP's
banned#37
Adam2050
Congrats too.



2nd April not long to go. :p


Good luck. I got married in 2005 in Czech we then had a blessing in the UK last year... I am a sucker lol. wouldnt want a life on my own, I like the companionship-amonsgt other things.

we do go away seperatelynow and again, we are not the sort of couple that NEEDS to be in contact every hour if we are not together. I dont think i could handle that.

Things are never all roses but i am glad we have stuck with it through the hard times. (not been that many) as we know each other much better now.
[mod][Moderator]#38
lewt
thats your situation though isnt it, it doesnt mean it is the OP's


op quotes 2 unhappy kids
#39
wishihadadonkey
op quotes 2 unhappy kids


Doesn't quote 'unhappy kids', he's unhappy as there are kids involved.

No one can compare their experience to the OP's, every circumstance is different and we do not know any of the facts.
#40
things aren't perfect for me or near perfect but i'm healthy and alive and i have 2 people i trust that love me unconditionally so i guess im happy :)

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