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Happy Holiday

Martin Payne Avatar
9y, 11m agoPosted 9 years, 11 months ago
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all ... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only great country in the Western or any other hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. "Holiday" is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).

DISCLAIMER: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.

This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee, him/herself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same.

This greeting is void where prohibited by law.

In accordance with enviromental policies procedures and practices no trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
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Martin Payne Avatar
9y, 11m agoPosted 9 years, 11 months ago
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#1
My turn :-


" With Christmas almost upon us, I'd like to extend my heartfelt
appreciation to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me "forwards" over the past 12 months.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy. Extra
thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because
of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it
can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing
characteristic. I no longer check the coin return on public phones
because I could be *****ed with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
wild boar on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping centres because
someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. I no longer eat
KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no
eyes or feathers.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214
angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only
answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and
make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings because I
gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the
hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I
receive the £15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favour! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of
diahorrea will land on your head at 5:00PM (GMT) this afternoon. I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. "

Merry Christmas !

:)

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