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Help - Advice required

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I provide some support to an adult with learning difficulties. She has been seeing a guy for about 20 years who died at the weekend. She was not living with him. His family have been making it difficu… Read More
WoolyM Avatar
8y, 10m agoPosted 8 years, 10 months ago
I provide some support to an adult with learning difficulties. She has been seeing a guy for about 20 years who died at the weekend. She was not living with him. His family have been making it difficult for her to see him or contact him whilst he was ill and now have not given her any details in order that she may pay her last respects. Does she as a non family member have any rights at all? Is there any way she can find out who will be handling the funeral and pay her last respects if the family want to stop her? I think I already know the answer and that she has no rights . I am rather hoping I am wrong. Can anyone advise.

I dont want to discuss specifics here due to the sensitive nature.
WoolyM Avatar
8y, 10m agoPosted 8 years, 10 months ago
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#1
Please accept and extend my condolences.

I can't help, but felt compelled to say something. Good luck.
banned#2
you are right she has no rights, and a ild guess would be the family have already informed the undertakers that nobody be allowed to see him in the chapel of rest. why people can be so cruel at a time like this is beyond me but im sure they belive what they are doing is rght
#3
sassie
you are right she has no rights, and a ild guess would be the family have already informed the undertakers that nobody be allowed to see him in the chapel of rest. why people can be so cruel at a time like this is beyond me but im sure they belive what they are doing is rght


In line with my thinking....

[QUOTE=kyalion]Please accept and extend my condolences. /QUOTE]

Thank You

As she - I will call her Karen for ease of reading - was not living local to him his family were supposedly updating her when he was to ill to contact her. But they failed to tell Karen when he was admitted to hospital, failed to tell her when he was admitted to a hospice and now have said they will be in touch over funeral arrangements but they have not been in contact. I have sent several texts some of which have been replied to. They have a way of informing Karen if they wish to but they have stayed quiet. I could phone on Karens behalf but I dont want to be accused of causing problems if the family become resistant. Karen has been unable to record phone numbers when they have contacted her previously due to her limitations. I last sent them a text on Sunday. And have heard nothing more since. They have not said that Karen is unwelcome but I think past performance gives some indication of what to expect this time.
#4
did they know of karen..... sounds bizare..but maybe he kept it secret?
#5
or maybe they expected him to contact her when he got ill.... and because she never came to visit they assumed it was over?

why didnt he call her when he was ill??
#6
Karen is an adult with learning difficulties. She lived local to the guys mother many years ago and that was how she met him. It was a very unequal 'relationship' anyway in that he would always come and go and the only real contact Karen had with him when he was not around was via the phone. He had children from a previous relationship and they have not liked the idea of him seeing Karen. In my opinion Karen probably felt that there was a relationship whereas he probably saw a friendship but also an available partner for sex. He lived some distance away. Due to the distance Karen was unaware of the extent of his progressing illness when she could no longer contact him directly.
The guys mother died a couple of years ago and if the family were not aware of Karen before that they became aware. I feel that there was a sense of disaproval and it is possible that he was saying one thing to her and different things to his family.

Karen found out via his daughter last Friday evening that he was in the hospice. Karen told me and I managed to find out where it was and Karen phoned the hospice and was due to visit on Monday by arrangement with fella who wanted her to come after the weekend. But he died on Sunday.

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