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HELP PLEASE!

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Hi there, below is what i have done so far for my personal statement for my university application! I woul love any feedback and direction as to ehat i could change to make improvements, and in partic…
jjpm1 Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
Hi there, below is what i have done so far for my personal statement for my university application! I woul love any feedback and direction as to ehat i could change to make improvements, and in particular anything anyone thinks i could continue with! so far it is 1742 characters and the limit is 4000 or 44 lines, whatever is sooner! so im almost 1/2 way through.
im applying for business and development related courses, and have studied a levels in
Business - grade A (completed)
Law - grade C (completed)
Maths - complete this june, expected B'ish
English Lit and Lang - complete this june, expected B'ish

Many thanks!


Most teenage males would turn straight to the back page when presented with a newspaper. I turn to the business section. If you want to know the best place to buy a product, you turn to me. Within minutes I can almost always find you your product or service just that little bit cheaper.
Im fascinated by finance, my idol is Martin Lewis and Im amazed by the delicate operation of business, especially given the current economic climate. I find the stock market enthralling and own shares in the Royal Bank of Scotland. Whilst visiting the London Stock Exchange and the Dow Jones site on Wall Street I found the intricacy of the operation entrancing. One day I hope to emulate the MoneySavingExpert and become highly respected within that field. I feel I am on the right track having already saved literally thousands of pounds for (among others) my girlfriend of over two years when finding her the cheapest deal on her car insurance.
Although I have relatively poor GCSE grades, I believe that my A-level results show that I am a motivated student willing and able to learn and succeed at everything I do. Whilst studying for my GCSEs and growing up in the roughest parts of south London I experienced many setbacks including just a week before my final exams began being mugged at knifepoint three times in the space of five days. Consequently I feel I didnt fulfil my potential. At university I will.
Hobbies of mine include snooker and pool, of which I have played the latter for a pub team for almost two years. I follow the comedy circuit, particularly stand up, and have lost count of the number I have seen live, many even before they found fame. I am also a fan of conceptual art and in particular the work of Jasper Johns.
jjpm1 Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
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I suggest to take out 'Although I have relatively poor GCSE grades'... (edit; sorry just seen that this is for a uni app and indeed you may wish to justify how/why you got bad scores)

Also we all know that Page 3 is the first page us men turn to :D then the sports.

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