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Homerian's Humour Haven

homerian Avatar
8y, 10m agoPosted 8 years, 10 months ago
Started to put the jokes into one thread now instead of littering ;-)

Assuming people will be responding to them and then more adding after they will probably end up dotted around this thread so READ ON!!!

PS: I hold no responsibility for any claims made against me on medical grounds including (but not limited to) split sides, heads exploding from excess pressure caused by laughing...........you get the idea :-)
homerian Avatar
8y, 10m agoPosted 8 years, 10 months ago
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#1
Bit late but still..........

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/snowman.jpg
#2
Beauty defined.............(VIDEO)

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/th_AFaceOnlyMommyLoves.jpg
#3
Anyone got the time? (vid)
this was posted in a separate thread of mine so thought i would combine it here

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/th_Italiantime.jpg
#4
Wow! they can talk! (vid)

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/th_Talkingdogs.jpg
#5
HOW TO CLEAN THE TOILET !

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog
#6
A few thoughts for you................

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'assteroids'?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33 If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times do they become disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
#7
Went to flamingoland 2 years ago with the kids and what was the first thing that greeted us?

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/turtles.jpg

what makes it more funny is the smile on the 'guys' face
#8
Steady on. I think that Admin was thinking that someone apart from you would contribute :)to your thread!!
#9
And ... also... that you wouldn't be running repeats!!:)
#10
chesso
And ... also... that you wouldn't be running repeats!!:)


just putting them all together so they dont get lost thats all. admin is quite welcome to remove the other threads if they feel the need.
#11
A sight no-one should have to see............

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/animal-kitty-shock.jpg
#12
waaaaah lol
keep em coming
#13
chesso
Steady on. I think that Admin was thinking that someone apart from you would contribute :)to your thread!!


"If possible could you put them in one big thread to keep the forum tidy? Something like 'homerian's pic/joke thread'" quote taken from admin.

he's right it would get littered. makes sense to keep me in one place. after all i am Male and cant be everywhere at the same time :thumbsup:
#14
jennie-jack
waaaaah lol
keep em coming


cheers JJ
#15
This is just typical of the Yorkshire male - make a good suggestion ....
#16
chesso
This is just typical of the Yorkshire male - make a good suggestion ....


No offence. im just doing as i'm told.
i have been married for 5 years and i have learned those two magic word:

"Yes, Dear!"
#17
homerian;1505667
"If possible could you put them in one big thread to keep the forum tidy? Something like 'homerian's pic/joke thread'" quote taken from admin.
he's right it would get littered. makes sense to keep me in one place. after all i am Male and cant be everywhere at the same time :thumbsup:

Actually, I think you will find it was my advice..........
http://www.hotukdeals.com/forums/showthread.php?t=138820

We used to have a separate joke thread before the re-organisation anyway. It will still be there buried somewhere with all the old stuff.
#18
iglimpse
Actually, I think you will find it was my advice..........


Noted mate :thumbsup:
wrist slapped :roll:
#19
Glad we sorted that out :whistling:
Now keep 'em coming :w00t:
#20
JFK shooter CCTV Pic finally revealed..........

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/animal-sniper.jpg
#21
If you're stuck in a BORING relationship........
try something different............
they say a change is as good as a rest :thumbsup:

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/animal-privacyplease.jpg
#22
homerian
Bit late but still..........

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z230/ianhartleyuk/snowman.jpg


funny..but does look like a Larson clone to me.
#23
iglimpse;1506550
We used to have a separate joke thread before the re-organisation anyway. It will still be there buried somewhere with all the old stuff.

It's here
http://www.hotukdeals.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18906
#24
hey, homerian lol
thereare great stuff here :D:D:D

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