How Many Dogs Does it Take To Change a Lightbulb? - HotUKDeals
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How Many Dogs Does it Take To Change a Lightbulb?

snowtiger Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
.
How Many Dogs Does it Take To Change a Lightbulb?

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler:
Make me.

5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua :
Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

12. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
snowtiger Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
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#1
[CENTER]How Many Cats Does It Take To Change a Lightbulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF! [/CENTER]
#2
http://media-files.gather.com/images/d718/d961/d743/d224/d96/f3/small.jpghttp://media-files.gather.com/images/d719/d961/d743/d224/d96/f3/small.jpghttp://media-files.gather.com/images/d720/d961/d743/d224/d96/f3/small.jpghttp://media-files.gather.com/images/d723/d961/d743/d224/d96/f3/small.jpg
#3
Toby agree's with no.2 :

"2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. "


http://i402.photobucket.com/albums/pp110/robtallica/toby%20the%20border%20collie/DSC00070.jpg
#4
Morning RobT .. :)
#5
I like it! Very good
#6
2 & 13 Cross :-D
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i149/Jez15/DSCF0022.jpg
#7
Jez15;3190595
2 & 13 Cross :-D
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i149/Jez15/DSCF0022.jpg

I take it he's yours Jez ? so cute!
#8
Yep 1 of my 2 trouble makers ! She comes running with me the other one cant be bothered :)
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i149/Jez15/SCOOB.jpg
#9
[LEFT][FONT=arial]How To Give A Cat A Pill[/FONT][/LEFT]
http://mydailyheadache.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/cream-soda.jpg[LEFT][FONT=arial][/FONT]
[FONT=arial]1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from [LEFT][FONT=arial]bedroom.[/FONT][/LEFT][/FONT]
[FONT=arial]12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]13. Tie the little *******’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and cal local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]How To Give A Dog A Pill[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]
1. Wrap it in bacon.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial]
2. Toss it in the air.[/FONT][/LEFT]
banned#10
My ex is never off it's back long enough to change a bulb.
One of the queue would be asked to do it!
#11
your forgot...


Deerhound..................."........what....... ?"

FYI Deerhounds are the biggest, gentlest, thickest dogs around and they are worse than cats for being fussy over what they eat.
#12
Pluun;3190861
My ex is never off it's back long enough to change a bulb.
One of the queue would be asked to do it!

My cross Collie/G. Shepherd is a bit like this too ... bless him:roll:
#13
ianstanley;3190907
your forgot...


Deerhound..................."........what....... ?"

FYI Deerhounds are the biggest, gentlest, thickest dogs around and they are worse than cats for being fussy over what they eat.

This one looks like a little old man!! I can imagine how fussy they are..
[CENTER]http://images.champdogs.co.uk/images/k7514d5.jpg[/CENTER]
#14
Just "smile" and someone will do it for you !!
[IMG]http://i539.photobucket.com/albums/ff359/hukd1/sammy.gif[/IMG]
#15
"I got it licked"
[IMG]http://i539.photobucket.com/albums/ff359/hukd1/CONVAR681.jpg[/IMG]
banned#16
rangermastiffs
"I got it licked"
[IMG]http://i539.photobucket.com/albums/ff359/hukd1/CONVAR681.jpg[/IMG]


He is gorgeous, i can't have a dog because i am allergic to them :-(
#17
So what about Schnauzers!

http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n113/Doonhamer_2006/ZakSmall.jpg
#18
http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr121/pinkdazybaby/111969cf-1.jpg
Charlie will do anything for me :)
#19
Pomeranians - Me change a light bulb ?? I'll let the humans do it !

http://static.preloved.co.uk/uploads/profileimages/08/0716/1009287-128t.jpg

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